Adversity and challenge

True, real inspiration and growth only comes from adversity and challenge.

I’ve been melancholy lately.  I think it’s because Husband #2 will return home for a short stint in July.  He’s coming back to wrap up the last business obligation that requires his physical presence.  He’ll be home for 4 days, during which two of them are allocated to work, one to a home improvement project he promised to complete, and one for rest.

During his visit, my goal is to get his name removed from my car title.  I may not want him to go, but I understand the reality of our situation.  He’s gone.  I have to work for my own best interest.  And that means removing his name from my assets.

I’m thankful for the adversity and challenge that has marked this time in my life.  Without verbalizing the problems in our marriage, I would have never found the motivation to improve myself.  By identifying my bad behaviors I’ve honed in on the things I need to fix in myself.

Recently I recognized I could fall into the trap of becoming emotionally unavailable — closing my heart to future love in favor of protecting myself from hurt and disappointment.  Who could blame me?  I’ve been left by two men and my heart is looking a little war-torn from the fallout.

Monique Marie wrote the best article I’ve found on the topic of Emotional Unavailability.  This phrase spoke to me:

Learn from your mistakes.

The moral of the story is never “Don’t love or trust or open your heart again.” If that is what you “learned” then you missed the real lesson and may have to endure the experience again and again until you get the lesson right. A decision to give up, to never love or trust again, or to close your heart is a decision of the ego, based in fear. Ego shuts down love and trust. Spirit teaches you how to love more—more wisely, more responsibly, more healthfully. The lesson may be “pay more attention,” or “tell the truth sooner,” or “examine your expectations of others to see if they are unrealistic,” or “don’t take the happily ever after for granted” or “honor yourself enough not to allow mistreatment” or “choose more wisely whom to trust”, or even “be more trustworthy yourself.” You will know if it is the “real lesson” if it points you toward love and trust, not away from it.

I know I will never be without adversity and challenge in my life.  I also know that what I take away from these experiences will continue to mold me into a new person and I can use these lessons to move toward LOVE.