We’ve come a long way from our good New Year’s Eve celebrations.
In 2002 just 30 minutes shy of the ball drop, Husband #2 presented me with a beautiful ring and the question which changed my relationship status from that of “Divorced” to “Engaged”. I remember his words…”I don’t want to start another year without you in my life”.
That’s the way it began.
Then last year, for the first time in a decade, we made plans to go out…and out we went. Straight into the heart of the city, with music and food and art installations and street performers. We had a fantastic time and kissed each other long and hard at the stroke of midnight. Husband #2 looked at me and vowed we would make this a yearly tradition.
It was that much fun.
What a difference a week makes. Just 7 days after that fun night in 2012/2013 Husband #2 was packing his belongings in his car and leaving our house, our city, and our relationship.
I’m not ashamed to say I’ve been dreading this holiday season. Let’s face it, December is the Month of Family. There are so many activities that beg for family togetherness – insane shopping trips, baking cookies, decorating the tree, opening presents, singing carols, and sharing memories.
It’s been my first holiday alone and I can’t say that I’ve enjoyed it very much.
Looking forward, I vowed not to be alone in front of the TV sadly ringing in the New Year with my gin and tonic in hand. So when presented with an opportunity, I did something daring. I made plans to join up with a bunch of singles and hit the town.
“But you’re not SINGLE!” my friend reminded me.
Yes, that is correct. But I’m not part of a couple either.
It would be easy to just hang out at the house and feel sorry for myself, wondering IF and WHEN Husband #2 and I might ever live in the same locale again. And the old me would have done just that.
The new me found MeeUp and figured out there are plenty of other people who are “unattached” in one way or the other and looking for some simple companionship like having a friend to go to the movies with or even ring in the New Year.
I mentioned to Husband #2 during our Christmas phone call that I would be going out. He told me he was going out as well. The petty part of me wanted Husband #2’s New Year’s Eve to suck. But I went out on a limb and wished him a good time as he headed out to his festivities. Chalk one up for tapping into the Bigger Person inside of me.
He wished me a good time as well.
Deep down inside, I truly want happiness for Husband #2, even if it is not with me. That’s the downside part of love. Wanting better for your loved ones even if it’s killing you to be without them. If only there was a way to squish my selfish part, just like squishing a big bug with a rolled up newspaper…
I absolutely thought of him as the timer counted down the seconds. I thought about our happier past New Year’s Eve celebrations and of kissing him and the beautiful ring he put on my finger so many years ago. And while others were hugging, kissing, and throwing back shots, I bravely smiled and tooted my own horn and silently prayed that 2014 wouldn’t suck as much as 2013 had.
“Year’s end is neither an end nor a beginning but a going on, with all the wisdom that experience can instill in us. Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right.” — Oprah Winfrey