I’ve adopted a new attitude during this separation: If you want out, I’m not chasing you. I’ll just keep changing myself. I’m brave enough to stand by this statement.
If you’re brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello.
~ Paulo Coehlo
Life has rewarded me with my new hello. I’m reintroducing myself to…myself. That means putting me out there for new experiences and new relationships.
I invited Son #1’s somewhat serious girlfriend over to make cake pops last night. If you’ve never heard of cake pops before, let me fill you in. They are delicious little orbs of cake, mixed with frosting, rolled into a ball, and then coated with more frosting. Just enough for two bites stuck on a stick, like dessert hors d’oeuvres.
Of course, Son #1 gave me the stink eye through the whole invitation, but I’m the mom. I get to embarrass him. It’s my job.
I’m new to the experience of making cake pops and I’m very new to the experience of having one-on-one time with a girl my son is most likely shagging when I’m not in the house. So this was an interesting adventure for both of us.
It turns out that we have much in common, aside from a love for Son #1. She’s a Glee fan and likes to sing along. I like singing along too. She’s rides horses competitively. She’s been all around the world and I love to travel. She’s counting the days until the big family vacation and has fun activities planned out for my normally reluctant boy. But he loves her and is amazingly gentle with her. He’ll try out the vacation activities because he enjoys putting a smile on her face.
So we baked and molded, dipped and drizzled, bagged and tied…all the while having a great time joking with each other. Ah, young kids on sugar highs! Son #1 is a great baking helper and showed his KP skills off to the girlfriend. As much as he grumbles, he still thinks I’m the best mom deep down inside. He cares deeply for the women in his life and it shows.
As I watched Son #1 under my hooded eyelashes, I couldn’t help but marvel at the man he is becoming. Not many men would freely sing along with their moms, especially over melted pots of candy coating colored in bright pink, orange and lime green. How many of them would admit that baking cookies is something they enjoy helping with, our yearly Christmas cookie frenzy is lengendary. And is “edible glitter” the part of any teenaged boy’s vocabulary?
My little man turns 19 this month.
And while he is just a hair taller than I am, I can’t call him my “little” man anymore. The day is quickly approaching when he leaves this nest for good, only to return again as a visitor…never a permanent resident.
I wonder…is he brave enough to face his own challenges and dust off the dirt life will fling at him? Will he look back at this time in my life and see me as an inspiration if he ever has to face his own marriage failure?
God, I hope so.
I hope he will see that it’s OK to cry, no matter how old you are. I hope that he sees it’s OK to ask for help when life gets tough. I hope that he recognizes that marriage/relationships are tough and require a lot of work, but that they are truly worth it. I hope that he recognizes that out of the ashes, a phoenix will rise.
Or maybe he’ll be the one who learns from my mistakes and be the better partner.
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