When I was born, God gave me two things in abundance: brains galore and a pair of boobs to match.
All guys love the boobs, so I’m not going to discuss them here. You get the idea. I’m naturally endowed. This post is all about the brains.
My brain is sexy. I love my brain. It takes me places, teaches me things, and helps me to figure out the greater world. I’ve got smarts AND common sense. I’m dangerous. I read directions. I extrapolate, interpret, and apply logic. And after it’s all said and done, men hate that. At least the men that I get involved with.
Sure, they love that I’m smart and independent and supportive and creative. But after a while they are intimidated by me. And that’s what scares them off. I learned early on, even as far back as high school, that boys/men didn’t like it if you were smarter than them. So I learned to reign in the intelligence and follow their lead, even if it was heading to disaster.
When Husband #2 entered my life, I thought I could be my brilliant self and allow my smarts to come out into the sunshine and run free. I thought that I could learn many things from him and, in return, he would want to learn many things from me. Our first day together was filled with sharing, instruction, and helpfulness.
From my vantage point, I believe my brain should be seen as an asset. I would think that anyone would love to have me on their “life team”, figuring out the easiest and simplest way to do something. Teach me, talk me through it, and tell me where the hard parts are…I may be able to come up with a different perspective on how to complete the task. Don’t give me the crap about how “this is the way it’s always been done”. Using that logic, we’d still have people in the fields picking the seeds out of cotton and Eli Whitney would have died as an unknown. I don’t pretend to believe I’ll kick off an Industrial Revolution anytime soon, but I’m pretty sure I can make life easier for my home team.
For example, Husband #2 and I built a small peaked arbor. As we were assembling the roof section, I noticed there was a lot of awkward measuring, clamping, and screwing to get the pieces lined up in nice even parallel rows. I suggested to Husband #2 that we build a jig to hold the pieces in place as we laid down the slatted section. He fought me on the idea. He had a background in construction and couldn’t see the merits of my idea. I eventually convinced him to give it a try and if it didn’t work, he could tell me how wrong I was.
Well my jig idea did work. And Husband #2, instead of being happy that I had cut our construction time in half, was humbled and defeated. Even though I made his life easier, he didn’t appreciate it. Rather, it was an affront to his masculinity. At least that’s the impression I got.
Admittedly, Husband #2 is not an Alpha Male according to ManSupreme.com. Dictionary.com defines an Alpha Male as “the most dominant, powerful, or assertive man in a particular group”. Even though I always considered Husband #2 as my Alpha Male of our family, later statements to me brought to light that he considered me competition instead of a collaborator.
Maybe I need an Alpha Male. Maybe instead of going for the quiet, sensitive and creative type I should set my sights on the stronger, stand up to me type. Maybe I need a man who sees me and my brain as a valuable partner and not a constant threat.