The words floated off the screen as I read The Travis County Post:
I have a tendency to cut and run rather than stick around and coexist with people who want things from me that I don’t feel comfortable giving.
Since when did Husband #2 start writing for DivorcedMoms?
His big confession for the past year, a year when we were supposed to be our authentic selves to determine if we even liked one another, “I’ve been pretending to be someone that I thought you wanted. I haven’t been myself.”
To further build on his confession, he explained that he’s never been himself with anyone.
I can’t blame him. Being yourself is the hard path to take. It’s the one that results in the most tears and the most rejection. I’m not talking about the petty things, like peeing in the shower, picking your nose, secretly being a huge Barry Manilow fan, closet dancing, or eating bugs. I’m talking about the genuine things we hide, like fears, addictions, needs, dreams, and expectations. Deep down inside, we all want to be liked for who we are but who can really handle the rejection of people who turn away from us for being 100% real?
The answer lies in this question: Would you rather have an easy life or an awesome one?
Maybe that’s part of the problem we have today. We think awesome is easy. Check out any home remodeling show and there’s a distinct gap in the timeline between buying the rambling wreck and the final big reveal where everything is pristine and pretty. Where are the horrors? The asbestos? The cracked sewer line? The decades of roof leaks that undermined the floor joists and foundation? Somehow the hard parts are conveniently left out, possibly not even on the cutting room floor, too traumatic to film in the first place.
Instead of realizing that awesome requires us to take huge, balls-to-the-wall risks that will mostly leave us bruised, rolling around in the dirt while clutching our crotches, we’re presented only with clips of success. After all, who really wants to see Michael Jordan, arguably the greatest basketball player of all time, practice hour upon hour upon thousand of hours perfecting his free throw? No one.
Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work. ~Thomas A. Edison
In his article You Can Have an Easy Life or an Awesome One. Choose Wisely, James Victore inspired me to make a change. True, his article deals more with career advice than relationship issues, but it’s scalable to the world view, it holds water for every aspect of living.
It would have been easier to stay in a pseudo-relationship with Husband #2, being his BFF with benefits, his part-time therapist, his long-distance booty call, but that’s the easy life – the devil I know – the choice that fit my childhood issue of chasing after someone who holds me at arm’s length… constantly feeling like I have to prove my worth in order to receive love.
No, the harder choice was to not follow his lead, not to accept the lifestyle he desired that impacted the both of us. My big risk, my tener cojones move, was to cut ties and simply walk away from someone who chose a different path.
The risk now is facing my very real fear of being too old for love and dying alone.
Ha! Even saying it here makes me feel needy and pathetic, but isn’t that what true authenticity is? Casting off the armor and showing the world a soft underbelly?
How much riskier can I get with that simple confession?
It is time to be the hero of my own life.
Great piece! Thanks for writing it.
Thank you, Julie!