I’ve felt a little melancholy lately. It was probably because of the holidays and my oldest child’s upcoming graduation. All of those days are big family events and when part of your family is missing, it’s more noticeable that memories are being made without them.
Husband #2 and I never had kids together. That decision was made for us before we ever met, so it wasn’t a source of any contention. It’s just the way things were for our situation. All of my children are a result of my first marriage.
It’s actually easier for Divorce #2 since there are no joint prodigy. We don’t have to settle support, visitation, custody, or discipline issues. Husband #2 and I can work our way to becoming two strangers with memories.
In a way, we had a pseudo child…we shared his business venture together. We were two creatives that collaborated and brought his vision to life. I was the invisible back office and he was the face of the company. The business was like a child but unlike a child, we can wrap things up with a defined end date. I’m still wrapping up my part of the business. I’ll finish soon. Whew.
I’ve got mixed emotions about the business closing. It was a major part of my life for over 10 years. It provided income for our family, made Husband #2 happy, and allowed me to use creative parts of my being that I wouldn’t have been able to use in a traditional job. I was the chief financial officer, the head of the IT department, the tax accountant, 1/2 of the marketing department, and the design guru. I created marketing videos & brochures, handled the social media campaign, and dealt with customer desires and complaints. I was a partner in the ebb and flow of Husband #2’s lifelong dream.
Being in business for yourself isn’t for the faint of heart. A home-based business will quickly take over your life. Ours did. Every room in our home contained a piece of the business. Our waking hours were dedicated to work. We sat at our computer desks from sunrise to sunset instead of taking time for ourselves. We rarely had a weekend off. Burnout was hovering on our horizon.
When Husband #2 left, he left more than just me. He also left his dream: his business.
Husband #2 moved 1000 miles away. The distance would not allow him to continue working in the business. And he didn’t want to. I offered to remove myself from the business so he could take it over completely. He told me that he didn’t want to and was content with closing the doors forever.
As I wrap up my part of the business I recognize the parts of it I will miss. Husband #2 and I had this great way of troubleshooting, of coming up with off the wall solutions for tough problems. We fed off of each others’ ideas. I will miss the conventions and training seminars. We used to enjoy listening to new voices and old experts and then tailoring their wisdom to our situation. I’ll miss seeing Husband #2 in his glory. He enjoyed what he did and it showed. I’ll miss our morning breakfasts sharing stories about our client experiences and what we would have done differently.
In retrospect, I merged into the business and lost myself in Husband #2’s dream. That is something I won’t miss. If I had to do it all over again, I probably would not involve myself so deeply into the business. I would keep up my identity and pursue many of the things that I sacrificed in the name of the business.
I would have pursued my dreams as well as supporting Husband #2 in the execution of his.
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