When running a blog, you learn all about SEO and search terms. As part of my statistics, I see the search terms that bring people to my blog from out there in the greater internet. This term is particularly sad and one that I’ve noticed more than once:
I should never have left my wife.
Maybe it’s because I talk about Husband #2 leaving me earlier this year. Maybe it’s because I’m sharing the pain in my left-behind soul. Maybe it’s because of crap luck. Somehow this search term leads to me and my blog.
I’ve had one man contact me directly. No names will be shared, I want him to remain a ghost. He allowed me to paraphrase his words and I’m honoring his privacy.
He wrote to me about the pain he had caused, the error of his ways, and the love he felt for his wife. He wants to return to her. I asked if he had contacted her and told her how he felt. His answer? He would never do that.
What?
Let me repeat… He wants to be with her. He loves her. And he refuses to tell her.
What?
It turns out he’s too proud, too afraid, too busy being noble (not my words, his).
He’s too proud. He doesn’t want to admit to her that he’s made a mistake. He feels she’ll think he’s returning only because he’s failed to succeed on his own.
He’s too afraid. He’s afraid of trying again. What if they fail a second time? He’s afraid she will reject him. After all, he rejected her. He’s afraid to be vulnerable. After all, what if she hurts him?
He’s too busy being noble. He believes that she’s thriving now and coming back would upset her. He believes she is out of his league. He believes that he can’t give her what she wants, so he’ll remain outside of her life.
He believes he’s not worthy and she’s better off without him.
This man’s confession broke my heart.
Being on the other side of that equation, I can see where he’s coming from…and he’s guaranteeing his own failure.
In the word of Michael Jordan,
I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.
And the more to the point quote from Wayne Gretzky:
You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.
Take the chance. Dream. Forgive. You may get the very thing you want (and more). She may want you back just as much as you want her. Trust her to make that decision for herself.
At worst, you’ll know you put yourself out there and took the shot.
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