In a relationship without hope, I’m still happy

Husband #2 and I have very little contact.  An occasional email here and there, mostly about business issues that we’re still wrapping up.  A little bit of talk about his current job and a mention of Son #1’s recent graduation from high school.  That’s it.  Nothing deep.  No hope.

So why am I still happy?

I’m happy because I choose to be.  If you’ve kept up with the blog, you know that I’ve declared these next few months to be the Summer of Me.  I’m taking time to find myself again and do the things that I haven’t been able to do in a while.

I will admit that losing the 40+ pounds has made me very happy.  Getting out from behind the computer desk has a lot to do with that weight loss.  And a little bit of “I’ll show you” attitude has enhanced my efforts on The Breakup Diet.  I put the weight on myself and I’m thumbing my nose…at myself… as I take it off.  I’ll show that negative voice inside of me that I can do it.

Making jelly and jam has been more satisfying than I could have imagined.  I’m 38 half-pint jars into this new activity and find it very restful.  It’s just me, the fruit, and a whole lot of boiling water.  It’s like getting a facial while stirring the jelly mix.  I feel pretty confident with the basics of jelly making and have branched out to new flavors of jam.  Today I made a peach-raspberry jam and a low sugar raspberry jam.  Yeah, good stuff.

Most importantly, I’ve discovered how important the concept of HOME is to me.  This is the big one.  I didn’t realize it until Husband #2’s home-based business was cleared out of the house.  My house is small and cozy.  I’ve made it into my sea-side cottage.  I feel relaxed in it now.  I’m happy spending time in my bright, airy living room doing nothing but reading and listening to music.  I no longer have to constrain my landscaping for client impressions, I feel like I belong to the space and can make it into what I want it to be.

So while Husband #2 takes us down the road to divorce, I realize I can’t stop him.  I have no hope for any kind of reconciliation.  And once the papers are signed, I will probably never hear from him again.

But that doesn’t stop me from being happy with the life I am living right now.