Introspection

Introspection:  a reflective looking inward

Over the last week, Husband #2 has sent me emails detailing how I have problems.  I feel as if he’s trying to get me to admit that the divorce is a good idea.  I feel like he’s trying to convince me that his way is noble and best.

I don’t think that way.  The eternal optimist in me sees both the good and the bad, but believes heartily in the possibility of good.  There are no guarantees of success, yet there is 100% guarantee of failure by not trying.

For a brief moment, slipped in between the declarations that I am an emotional black hole and diagnosis of our codependency, Husband #2 tripped across the line of introspection and offered up what I feel is the most honest and truthful that he’s been with me since our problems started:

Any tears I shed are a combination of regret that I couldn’t handle “us”, sadness that I am causing you pain, fear that I will betray myself back into something where I was hurt very badly, and anger at how I was hurt and allowed myself to be hurt.

One thing I’ve learned through this whole process is that we are both to blame.  I’m the cause for 100% of the blame for my side and he’s 100% to blame for his side.  The really important point, and here’s my introspection, is that I’m no longer pointing fingers at him.

All my fingers (and toes) point back to me.  I take full and complete responsibility for my part.

I’m happy for you, Husband #2.  Welcome to the Wonderful World of Introspection.  Thank you for finally letting me in to your truth.