As mentioned, I filled out the Angry Marriage check sheet for me and me alone. I’m very ashamed to admit the amount of anger I carried forward into my relationships.
One paragraph in particular hit me right in the face. I’m not saying that Husband #1 or Husband #2 was purposely like this…I’m saying this is the way I felt. I was frustrated, quick to anger, irritable, and felt like I had to fight to be noticed.
Frequently, the victim of passive aggressive anger is unaware that he or she is on the receiving end of clandestine resentment. The victim of this resentment often reports feelings of anxiety, sadness, anger, and various psychosomatic symptoms. Because the victim is seen as frustrated and irritable, that person may be wrongly identified by others as the angrier partner. Meanwhile the passive-aggressive spouse tries to paint a self-portrait of a calm and relaxed person. ~ Richard P. Fitzgibbons for The Institute for Marital Healing
Thankfully the article talks about forgiveness and moving past anger. I really need that counseling. As calm and collected as I present myself on the outside world, there’s still frustration, hurt, fear, disappointment, and loads of sadness on the inside. These things are what fuels my anger. My anger works to protect me, but it really doesn’t. Anger holds me back. It destroys my relationships. It makes me a prisoner. It builds my Fortress of Solitude. It makes me hide from life.
So going forward, I will do these things:
- Give forgiveness to those who have hurt me, especially my family members
- Ask for forgiveness from those who I have hurt, especially those closest to me
- Remember that the best forgiveness has already been given to me without me ever asking for it
- Identify when my selfishness is hurting my relationships
- Understand that my lack of positive role models while growing up is no excuse for my behavior now
Self-improvement is a process. One that I promise to practice daily.