The cocoa butter conundrum. You got yourself into this...

Life Lesson: When you live by yourself, there is no one else around to rescue you. This was brought home to me in a funny way this past week. It had everything to do with that ultra moisturizing salve called cocoa butter.

You know how cocoa butter has become the newest darling child of everything that ails you? Well, I decided to give it a try on my constantly dry heels. I’ve tried everything else, why not give the C-butter a shot. What the magazines don’t tell you is that cocoa butter is incredibly oily.

So after finding a vat of cocoa butter at Costco I decided to slather it all over my tootsies and heels on a night when the kids were gone and I was the only one in the place. I sat on my bed and scooped out a huge glob and rubbed it in… and rubbed…and rubbed.

Cocoa butter proves the old saying that a little goes a long way.

The funny thing is, I didn’t plan out my Deja Vow pampering evening at all. If I had, I would have put a stockpile of Kleenex or a towel or even an old sock next to my bed. But I didn’t.

There I was, stranded on my back with my feet propped up on pillows. Like a painter who painted his way into a corner with no way to get out until the paint dries, I was stuck in a position where I had to keep my super oily feet from touching the fresh sheets and blankets I had just put on the bed.

Oh, did I mention that I have bamboo floors? Pretty, shiny bamboo floors…

If you have ever made the mistake of spraying Pledge on your bamboo floors, you already know how slippery those bad boys get with even a hint of oil. So I decided to bite the bullet and crawl on my elbows and knees (as part of the process, even my hands are oiled up at this point) down the stairs to the bathroom. Remember how hard childbirth was? Let me tell you, there is nothing more humbling than trying to maneuver a set of stairs covered in a light beige carpet without the use of your feet or hands.

Somehow, without anyone around, I made it to a sink and soap. But it was an adventure. And by adventure, I mean harrowing experience that taught me a valuable lesson.

I realized that I no longer have anyone around to save me from my own destructive forces and the evils of cocoa butter. In the future, I’ll have to be a lot more resourceful and peer into the future to make sure I don’t trap myself in a slippery situation again.

It’s amusing how the universe wants to drive the point home. While going through the latest foodie pins, I spotted a little statement on Pinterest:

My big fear living alone is that I’ll be attacked by a serial killer in my home but who am I kidding? I’ll probably die from falling down the stairs and choking on the spoon lodged in my throat from eating peanut butter straight out of the jar.