The more I read, the more I realize that everyone is in a dysfunctional relationship!
In fact, I’ll go so far as to say that all relationships are dysfunctional. Why the all-encompassing proclamation, you may wonder? Two words: Button Pushing.
Yes, that nasty habit that appears in all relationships, the ability for one person to set the other person on edge, whether intentionally or unintentionally. You see, it’s impossible to have a relationship without button pushing because we’re all human and flawed in our basic nature.
I’ll raise my hand and admit it. I push buttons. In fact, I can push other people’s buttons very well. Like a heat-seeking missile, I can hone in on the childhood insecurities of my family members. Oh, Husband #2? I know those buttons by heart. If challenged, I could push enough to rile him up in an argument (or total withdrawal) in 3 minutes or less. My best friend? Yep, there are buttons to push in that relationship too.
And all of these people know how to push my Big Red Button as well. My sister is not some pure angel. I picture Husband #2 in a Master Command Center sinisterly rubbing his hands together over a large button labeled Deja’s Triggers. And my friend? She’s far from blameless.
We’re all equally bad. We’re just not bad people.
Button pushing is like this lure….
[hulu id=ozgqhthdneub5o-bguydqw width=512 height=288]
Try this link in case the embedded video doesn’t work. Click here.
How many times have we seen the Big Red Button and said to ourselves, “I’ve got to push that!” If it weren’t so big… so red… so easily touched… so obvious….
Watch this video. Relate.
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fio7T6mjCbI?feature=player_embedded]
Try this link in case the embedded video doesn’t work. Click here.
We know the resulting arguments are stupid. I watched this video from Buzz Feed and laughed the whole way through. Put in another argument about kitchen cabinet doors being left open and I’d swear I was looking in a mirror. Every pair, whether romantically linked or not, has fights like these.
Shoes, balled up socks, towel folding, dishes in the sink… these little things (shallow things) probably account for 90% of our relationship battles. Want to really set me off? Just push. And then push again. Because you’re my loved one, you’ll know where the sore spots are located.
There are two routes to lessen button-pushing in our lives.
The first is to look within, from the perspective as you being pushed:
You’re not going to like this. I know I don’t. But those little buttons are really all about you, even if the pusher intentionally and with forethought pushed the heck out of them. They are places where something is going on inside of you — some place of insecurity, fear, low self-esteem, or unmet needs.
You need to take a good hard look at those buttons and ask yourself why they are so sensitive. What is the root cause of your hair-trigger feelings and what can you do to heal them? ~ Barrie Davenport
The second perspective is to look without, with you as the pusher:
Understand there are feelings under hot buttons. The person you’re poking with a sharp stick is not perfect and they are already aware of that fact. Make the choice to back off, because you value their presence in your life and don’t want to hurt them, or continue to push and show others what a jerk you really are inside. Sometimes we push those buttons because we want to feel superior. But what is the real cost? A lost, or substandard, relationship?
FYI, it’s much harder to find any sort of helpful information about stopping button pushing when you’re the one with a finger on the plunger. I guess it’s socially acceptable to place all of the responsibility and blame on the person with the sore spot.
Yes, that pushes my button a bit…
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