Every day women have to battle numerous forces including politics at work, juggling family schedules and routines, relationships, the almighty dollar, health, kids, violence, and many others. As if there weren’t already enough people, situations, and things competing for our time and causing us stress, women, in large numbers, turn on one another acting as some of our own worst enemies!
Why do we do this to ourselves?
Why, instead of uniting in an invincible sisterhood of co-workers, wives, moms, sisters, and friends do we, instead, choose to attack each other and pick each other apart?
Why can’t we just uplift rather that crush, support rather than criticize, and do the right thing instead of causing destruction for other women?
Let’s imagine that we’ve all bought tickets to a cage fight event, one where we can expect a series of fights between foes who have been selected for their intense hatred for the other and desire to literally destroy the other. I picture it going something like this…
Fight #1: The single mom versus the married mom:
Announcer: “first up in the center ring, we have the single mom going head-to-head with the married mom in what is sure to be a bloody brawl!” And the crowd goes wild as the single mom throws the first punch by pointing out that the married mom has it so easy because she has the support of a spouse in the home to help out with the kids every day while she has to struggle all on her own to do it all.
The married mom jabs back to remind the single mom that it’s not all wine and roses because her partner is away on business most of the time, so she knows full well what it’s like to run three kids all over town, cook dinner, and help with homework- all with no one there to pick up the slack!
The single mom rebuts with the point that at least the married mom has a partner to share the high and low points of each day with and can at least occasionally get a break, plus his income in the home means they can probably live more comfortably, and she’s just sick of the stigma of being a single parent and is completely done with all of those judgy looks from the married moms!
Married mom defiantly sends out a slap in the face about how single moms soak up all the sympathy and live off the system, and maybe she simply made bad choices she needs to live with!
And the announcer winces and concludes “folks! It’s getting ugly here tonight and these two fighters are definitely hitting below the belt! I can’t declare a winner here!
Fight #2: The working mom versus the stay-at-home mom:
Before the announcer can utter a word, the stay-at-home-mom lobs out harsh criticism for how the stay-at-home mom must enjoy her leisurely days of sitting around watching reality TV and eating bonbons while she goes out in the world to make a difference!
Stay-at-home mom doesn’t miss a beat and lands a fierce punch about how she pities working mom’s kids who are being raised by a babysitter while she is actually bonding with her kids and being a mother to them.
Working mom huffs in anger and draws blood explaining that she has to work to help support her kids and that it’s not exactly easy to miss out on all of that time with the kids. She pulls stay-at-home mom’s hair and growls as she adds that she gets great fulfillment from her work, she works hard, and she has a right to her career!
Stay-at-home mom delivers a kick and insists that being at home all day with toddlers is no picnic…she has little adult interaction and spends her days cleaning up after little ones who try every bit of her patience and rarely thank her for her efforts. She scratches out in frustration adding that she had to give up a lot to stay at home instead of having a career but she stands by her decision because it makes the most sense for her family.
In a tangled mass of arms, legs, and hair the announcer calls the match a tie as both women cry out to the other to stop assuming the other knows what’s best for her kids, her home, or her life!
Fight #3: The wife and the other woman:
The announcer can barely get out of the way in time to prevent getting mowed over by a furious streak of female power as the two sides crash like angry stags. The wife immediately goes for a headlock insisting to know what gives the other woman the right to try to take her man. Doesn’t she know he’s married?
The other woman snaps back that if the wife took care of her man and wasn’t so frigid and angry all the time, he wouldn’t have fallen out of love with her and been looking for love.
The wife declares the other woman a home-wrecking slut and slams her into the ropes as she wipes a tear and throws responsibility for hurting her kids and tearing apart her home after decades of happiness onto the other woman.
The other woman scoffs and states that he sought her out and why can’t the wife just see that he’s over her?
With a smirk and a punch to the gut, the wife lays a hex on the other woman that he will surely cheat on her one day too.
What’s wrong with all of these scenarios?
In fight number one and two these women- all women- are not recognizing the diversity in motherhood and respecting the fact that, unfortunately, relationships may come and go. What remains constant is the status of motherhood, whether there’s a ring on her finger or not!
Why are we so cruel to moms who are not like us? What makes us feel superior or in a place to judge another mom’s circumstances?
What we fail to see is that we all have hardships, and what we could benefit from most if friendship and understanding from other moms, not condemnation for the choices we make or the situations we can’t help but find ourselves in.
In fight number three, the real villain is noticeably missing…the man! Why are we so apt to give men a free pass to misbehave? I’m not saying that “other women” are without fault, but why do women continue to attack one another and forget one of the key players?
Ladies, I’m just saying it’s time for a truce! Let’s choose to uplift rather than tear down. Let’s truly be a sisterhood instead mean girls. You can come sit by me!