My closet. Nightmare!
I can’t believe what a mess I have made of my clothes – a matter of tossing this and throwing that, because I seem to (always) be in a rush. And I love my clothes, so I really MUST go through the piles, the heaps, the shoebox stacks… not to mention dealing with the pre-divorce clothes hanging in the back.
I never wear them. They really should go.
Naturally, the post-divorce clothes are a whole other matter.
For one thing, the “me” when I was married is long gone… in so many ways.
(I am stronger. I am more confident. I am warier.)
There is “less” of me (no longer overweight), there is a different me (no longer so boring), there is an older me (though I’ll never admit my age)… and certainly a more playful me. And it all shows in my personal style!
Black is the New Black
Like most women I know, my wardrobe is predominantly black.
What can I say? It’s slimming, it’s chic, and it doesn’t show kid dirt!
But there are scarves and shoes and handbags and belts, and the occasional colorful sweater or jacket. I favor reds, purples, magenta… and lately – a deep dash of orange. And all of that was NOT on the priority list when I was a boring, hassled, working, married mom.
It was basic black for the office (and simply tailored), and with little to no socializing with hubby – we rarely went out – nothing else to speak of, except the infrequent sale “indulgence” that was never worn because, well, we never went out…
For one thing, French lingerie. That was for me to feel good about me, and besides, the French are gifted in this particular engineering. And while I retooled my wardrobe (several sizes down), I went with greater variation in necklines, in flares, in overall dares… In part because there was dating to deal with.
Wardrobe Markers of (Disastrous?) Dates
For professional occasions, I stuck to a tailored style. But otherwise?
Flirtier, sexier, a little more Bohemian.
Peering into my closet I see… Ha! The skirt and top I wore the night I ran into the breast-fed boomer boy. OHMYGOD. That was an experience… I wonder if it was the stockings that did him in?
I also see the outfit I wore when I met the guy who talked about guns… (Yikes. Scary.)
Oh! A black leather skirt! (I’m smiling.) And yes, as out of control as my closet may be at present – I can scout out some lovely memories. There’s an entire section that dates to my falling in love with an elegant and sweet Frenchman who adored me in dusty rose, deep pink, a low-cut blouse…. Add a string of pearls and he was a happy man…
You Are What You Wear?
Lingerie ought to be a “must” in marriage, don’t you think? Then again, for some of us, it might not matter – not in the ways we hope.
Lingerie ought to be a “must” after marriage, don’t you think?
Take it from me. Do it for YOU. (With no regrets.)
Which is true – you are what you wear, or you are how you feel in what you wear? Aren’t they related? Shouldn’t you find out?
For me, all of this of course, was about the journey – the journey of rediscovering my “value” not only to men, but mostly to myself. A journey of pleasing myself. And a journey of confidence.
In some ways, this style transformation is not unlike the experience of an adolescent. Fashion and style are an expression of a desire to fit in – or a desire to break out. Freedom. Rebellion. Trying on a new persona.
Since that time, it is about whatever wardrobe seems appropriate – not only for an occasion, but for a mood or an experience. While I still love to dress to go out, or more likely to stay in for a private moment with my man, coming out the other side of long years after divorce has reinforced this:
Though we understand the importance of initial attraction – and clothing is part of that – we are so much more than how we look, and confidence is born of so much more than the numbers on a scale or the labels on our back.