Yachats sure has a way of making it spicy. And moody. And other-worldly. And not symbiotic. Maybe that’s why my phone said No SIM. I wonder if this happens to other people when they come here. Maybe it’s Nature’s way of gaining your full attention by pulling you away from people and gadgets and spilling you out in a place like Fern Canyon, where you can be alone with your thoughts.
You shouldn’t walk dogs in Fern Canyon. You should walk your pet Triceratops. My head was on a swivel as I looked left and right at the ferns in their stadium-style seating, with Douglas Firs towering over them in the standing room only section, where they belong. I peeled my eyes away long enough to spy my feet (not hard to do) as they balanced on planks that eased my crossing of the rocky creek. This place must roar in a storm. Trees were strewn about like drunken giants who fell asleep where they dropped their glass.
It’s the perfect playground for the American Dipper, a small bird that doesn’t resemble a waterfowl, yet walks along the bottom of a stream to search for food. I became entranced by its continuous bobbing, or dipping, while it paused. Like a twitch. I imagined myself having a movement like that, one which I did reflexively. I would think I’d find it quite taxing, like the hiccups. I despise the hiccups. They actually make me angry. I haven’t had them in months…I wonder how I would react now. (As an aside, my in-process transformation has also resulted in going cold turkey off melatonin. I used to take it every night to fall asleep. I haven’t take it since the Pocket Call.) Mr. Jackpot thought it probably felt good to the bird to curtsy every few moments while standing still. That would make sense, given the near perfection of the animal kingdom.
We spent most of our time at Fern Canyon with some physical distance between us. Except for when we watched the Mom Dipper try to find her toddler among the trees laying across the water. How she could call like that with a fat worm hanging from her mouth I will never understand. The toddler wouldn’t budge, as if he had learned the golden rule: If we become separated, you stay put. They finally reunited and, after some scolding, had their feast.
Upon entering a meadow we came together again, standing in the gentle rain with the sun eating its way through the cloud cover, to marvel at wildflowers and watch spider webs rock in the breeze like hammocks. He showed me how spiders pull two leaves together and create a shelter where they can remain dry. You know there is a massive shift going on inside of me when I am nosing into bushes seeking out arachnids and peering into their dwellings. I sure hope my transformation doesn’t mirror that of Gregor Samsa in The Metamorphosis. I’d like to remain in human form, please. I have a lot to tend to and needed to start on it as soon as I digested the fact that The Genius had read HGM.
I needed salt air. On the deck, about 20 minutes after I received the email from The Genius, I breathed deep and settled my gaze on the foam coating the surf. I couldn’t see the bubbles popping, but I knew that’s what was happening. Thousands at a time. They were born out of a crashing wave, thrust towards shore and once on the sand they burst. But they didn’t vanish or die. They just changed shape. It settled me down.
In the last 50-ish hours I witnessed the eclipse, climbed a 500 year old madrone tree, leaned against redwoods that made me feel like a Chihuahua, walked through prehistoric times, perched on black lava, daring the sea to take me, had my SIM card die a few hours after it was suggested that such an event would be required in order to effectively dispose of my body, watched the interpersonal fun meter on our holiday flat-line, and found out The Genius was reading HGM.
I let all that I had experienced in the last few days roll through my center. I was not stoked to see what was happening. I was STILL trying to analyze (so I could then control?) the behavior of The Genius or Mr. Jackpot instead of looking at why I created these situations. And not in a woe is me, why did I create this way, but with genuine enthusiasm and curiosity as to why I created them. I was wasting time.
It didn’t matter that The Genius read HGM. Clearly he wasn’t happy about it, but that’s his emotion, not mine. Mr. Jackpot is stressed. We don’t know each other well. Maybe this is how he deals with it. It’s not for me to judge. (It is, however an excellent time for me to establish a boundary. Next time I will.) And Mother Nature is pushing that all aside and saying, spend time alone with me and all of it will start to make sense.
I trust her.
As I pulled myself back from thinking of others, I chose to spend my time being grateful. Grateful for my life, my children, for those that care about me. Grateful for my love of writing, my love of nature, my enthusiasm for hiking and risk-taking adventures. My whole body relaxed. I felt safe. I felt protected by the universe. And I felt happiness. Then I started to see my creations and catch glimpses of why I birthed them.
I saw this: You need to remain aligned with your true self, find balance between looking inward and living outward, and stay grounded in the midst of a sea of swift currents. These situations are going to allow you to develop your abilities to pull that off. Stay in them. Don’t shrink away. Don’t fight it. Don’t try to fix it. Just experience it.
I let that guidance bear hug me. I got on bended knee and popped the question. I wanted naturally and effortlessly to exist like that for the rest of my life. And it would start now. No matter what comes down the pike today, tomorrow or the next day, I choose to remain in sway. Open, present, and aware, but steadfast in my guardianship of myself.
Good thing I got to that point on my foam meditation, because my trip to Yachats was about to come to an abrupt end. Thankfully I survived the drive home.
Love yourself,
Cleo
Hi Cleo,
I really enjoy your blog, and while I don’t think I can fully understand your current situation, this last one chapter resonated with me. I feel as though I am always trying to control certain aspects of life, my life. I know I should stop controlling (or trying to) EVERY aspect of my life and only apply my energy towards those one that I can control, but it helps when other people put this in words as well (and so well), so that I know I am not the only one.
Thank you for your unfiltered accounts so that other people don’t feel so alone and hopefully neither do you
M,
So glad my words resonated with you. One of my mentors taught me that when we let go of controlling the outcome of any part of our lives and simply let it unfold, the results will exceed our expectations. We’ll get what we need, not what we want, which is too often influenced by our ego.
You are not the only one…I believe it’s one of the key challenges for all of us here on the blue marble. I feel surrounded by you all in spirit. And I’m so grateful for that and for your kind words. Thank you.
Love yourself,
Cleo
“I was STILL trying to analyze (so I could then control?) the behavior of The Genius or Mr. Jackpot instead of looking at why I created these situations. And not in a woe is my, why did I create this way, but with genuine enthusiasm and curiosity as to why I created them. I was wasting time.”
Control…ah, this is my word. Any angst I feel toward my new honey is always from my need to control. I took control when I divorced my ex, and have had much of the control since with my children and our 3 little lives. My ex thankfully allowed me this because his major flaw was irresponsibility. So now with a new guy, I have to hand over the reins to someone or something else? I need to be careful or I will “create a situation” as well. I am a womanly work-in-progress. Staying the same is apparently a manly trait.
T,
“So now with a new guy, I have to hand over the reins to someone or something else?” I feel it’s something else. You need your reins. He needs to be responsible for his. You can ride side by side, but no one should steer your pony but you. That’s the key to an encounter. You stay on your path and the other person stays on theirs, but you can still hold hands.
By releasing the need to control I free myself up to see the magic all around me. I love how you are pondering this all…
Love yourself,
Cleo
Aaah..clarity. TY
T,
My pleasure, m’lady.
Love yourself,
Cleo
What the world needs is more “Geniuses with Humility+Dignity+Respect”, unfortunately…there are so few of us left.
T,
Amen, m’lady.
Love yourself,
Cleo
I’ve been reading through and following you since January, and I have to commend you at the distance you’ve come and the hardships you’ve faced. And not only for surviving them, but for coming out (to what seems to be) more whole of a person than when you went into them. Score one for self realization and personal growth!
R,
Thank you so much for your kind words. I made a very conscious decision when I received the Pocket Call that I was going to mold this sad and potentially destructive experience into one of beauty. I am committed. I am not cutting corners. And I am in it for the long haul. As in till the day I leave the blue marble. The way I am living my life today is how I intend to live it for the duration. I will not stop peeling back the layers, looking at my fears and flaws, and celebrating my successes.
I’m grateful for your presence here.
Love yourself,
Cleo
Cleo, have been enjoying your blog for a long time now. Just had to comment about The Genius’ message that he “wasn’t ok” with your blog. I felt that you were too kind and felt like screaming at the screen (I didn’t, I was at work and prefer to be employed) “did HE ask YOU if you were ok with his double life? With unwittingly living a lie for almost half a decade?” Whew, I feel better, thanks!
T,
I felt better, too, after reading your words. Reading your comment and those I am about to post has really helped me to gain perspective on The Genius’ response to HGM.
In the heat of a conversation with The Genius I would have never thought to say what you asked: “did HE ask YOU if you were ok with his double life? With unwittingly living a lie for almost half a decade?” And that’s what it really boils down to – He made a choice to deceive me and our children, lie, cheat, and live his life as he saw fit with zero regard for me. For FOUR YEARS. Doing whatever he wanted to suit his own needs. And The Happy Dance Chick did the exact same thing.
Instead of simply having a conversation. So, I wrote a blog. To heal. To create. To find all of you delicious souls.
Me thinks he’s simply jealous.
T, thank you. You rock.
Love yourself,
Cleo
Cleo,
I’ve been reading since the beginning, but haven’t commented until now. Just wanted to say ‘thank you’.
I’ve been going through my own breakup recently, after nine years together. No breakups are the same, I realize (they are kind of like snowflakes that way) but I think we all go through similar emotions and challenges. Luckily(?) mine was pretty amicable, we simply grew apart. I often wondered if it would be easier to let go if we hated each other. I see now, that’s not the case.
So many things you’ve written resonate with me, especially your decision to just let things be after not hearing from Mr. Jackpot. The idea of not controlling things is somewhat foreign to me, I’ll admit it. But I’ve already found so much peace from letting go.
I can’t wait to read more of your journey…and start a new adventure of my own.
Stay true to yourself,
Lauren, xo
L,
I’m so grateful you took the time to comment. Thank you. For that and for being here.
There is no ease in hatred. That is why I forgave The Genius. Since he decided to read HGM our interactions have been clouded by his hatred of me. I’m grateful that I forgave him so that his emotions don’t affect me anymore. I don’t choose to hold on to anger or hatred. I want to be balanced, grounded and peaceful – with a massive dash of hilarity and wit and laughter.
It is bittersweet to grow apart. I’m happy for you that betrayal did not become part of the mix. That’s when it gets dark and ugly. That’s when you can feel as if someone turned on you like a surprised mountain lion. After nine years I hope you both see why you created this encounter and that lots of appreciation for each other still exists. You’ve got an opportunity to create your your journey with lessons learned form the past. I’m excited to hear about your adventure!
We can all agree that orgasms are fantastic. Letting go is right up there with that. It’s not only liberating, but letting go creates so much peace. It’s so grounding. Especially if, by letting go of the desire to control others or situations, you are then able to focus on that within you that needs attention. Which, take it from me, leads to freaking magic. I see it hourly. I’m so jazzed.
Thank you, love you, owe you. Stay close and rock your own world.
Love yourself,
Cleo
Cleo,
I started reading when you were featured on SFGate back in March, and have followed your blog since then with avid interest. I read your first few posts to my husband as he was watching some game on TV, paragraph by paragraph, as if it were some salacious tabloid story.
And then this incredible guilt hit me – this is not Kim Kardashian’s million dollar tabloid fodder; you are an actual person, a human being, who had her heart torn out, stomped on, and you are trying to recover and pick up the pieces. Have you seen that movie “Crazy Stupid Love”, when Steve Carrell’s coworker thinks he has cancer, but instead finds out that he’s just getting divorced? The coworker starts cackling and goes, “WHEW! It’s just divorce! Ha Ha Ha, we thought you were dying!” The common rate of divorce these days trivializes the traumatizing experience that one goes through with it. How sad is that..that affairs, the breakup of a marriage, and divorce can be deemed so inconsequential nowadays? And I am guilty of that as well, for reading your blog as if it were some new OK! Magazine story.
I admire you for getting it back together, maintaining your civility with Genius, and I look forward to reading more that you post, less for the tawdry elements, but more for your coming of (2nd?) age experience a la “Under The Tuscan Sun” style. I look forward to hearing more about your Marin adventures, as I do love Marin and hope to move out there in the next few years – I’m currently in Pac Heights!
I have no idea whats going on with Jackpot, but I look forward to hearing more about your journey together. Or perhaps not together, per se, as much as…parallel?
As for Genius – if you’re reading this (and I’m sure you probably are combing through this blog hunting down any reference that you can use against Cleo to force her to take this down, and maybe some narcissistic part of you also derives joy in reading about yourself), I think you know why you don’t want the details of your affair all over the internet. Does reading in print what you actually did make it a little more real, the shi* that you’ve pulled more permanent and damaging?
The fact that Cleo isn’t vindictively keeping you away from your children, brainwashing them or publishing your tawdry emails with your identity out there is something you should be thankful for. But unfortunately, Genius, this blog is NOT ABOUT YOU. Not everything is. She is a much better person than most people who’ve been cheated on would be. You should thank your lucky stars that the civility she’s granting you in this blog portray you as a sad little lost soul, and not what the rest of us think you really are.
I,
Wow. You are a ponderer. I LOVE that! And you write what i wish I could say. Beautifully.
A person, who asked that their comment not be posted, expressed such sadness for what I am going through. I wanted to hug her. I am sad that our children will not have intact the family they so deserve. But I am not sad for me. This experience has been such a gift. For all the reasons I have mentioned several times. I am becoming the woman I want to be. I am learning how to live this life with gratitude and grace. And the rewards have been instantaneous. Even with the taxing interactions with The Genius and the uncertainty that can feel uncomfortable, I am joyful.
The greatest gift of all has been the community created here at HGM. I thank the Universe for you all every day.
I will continue to take you all on this journey. It’s so delicious to have you here. Thank you, I.
I have not seen Crazy Stupid Love, but doesn’t that scene cause chills? A coward has an affair. A man or a woman has a conversation with their spouse and says, “I’m not fulfilled. This isn’t working. Before I go do something I will regret for the rest of my life let’s either get a divorce or work it out.”
I wish being honest was easier than being a liar.
Love yourself,
Cleo
Hi Cleo,
I keep meaning to post about this when life catches up and gets me off course. I have noticed you mentioning (using varying metaphors) the idea of walking your own path while still engaging with other people. You mentioned this most recently in a reply to a post here: “You can ride side by side, but no one should steer your pony but you. That’s the key to an encounter. You stay on your path and the other person stays on theirs, but you can still hold hands. ”
It reminds me of something I’ve been learning about recently that I think is pretty powerful and thought might resonant with you. I’m Canadian and when Europeans began to colonize Canada many tribes around Ontario created treaties with the Europeans. While written documents were common amoung the Europeans, the wompum belts were often created by different tribes. These beaded belts were the equivalent to a contract with images and patterns representing the purpose of the treaty. There is one in particular I think fits your situation, which is the Two Row wompum. It is a belt with two bands of (often) purple beads (3 beads to a row) with three bands of white beads so that it forms series of horizontal a stripe (white, purple, white, purple, white). The symbol is the path of two canoes in the water side by side. The idea is each group going forward together but each on their own path and own journey, responsible to themselves and making a commitment not to interfere in the path and journey of the other.
This is something that struck me as a valuable image and symbol to use in my personal life with friends and family. Like you I struggle with just listening to friends and family without giving my two cents. I take responsibility where I shouldn’t and I don’t let them carry on their own path and respect what shape their lives are taking. Reading your posts really helps to enforce this for me, thank you.
M,
When I first read your comment I cried. It resonated with me so much. In fact, I think the Two Row wompum will be my third tattoo. We can learn a lot from the native tribes. I have always felt a connection to them and do have a small amount of native American Indian blood running through my mostly Swedish veins. (Before I forget…have you seen Black Robe? It’s a film based on a book by Brian Moore. It’s BRILLIANT! And beautifully shot. I think you would like it. Not uplifting, very brutal in parts, but such an accurate portrayal and so beautifully acted. It also goes deep into the idea of not intruding on the path of another. Must. See.)
I hope one day to write about the Miwok Indians that settled here. As I hike the hills and sands of Limantour I create images of what it must have felt like to live here then. What their challenges were, what made them laugh, how they loved. When I drive to Limantour I look up at the tops of the hills (not mountains, but imposing in their girth and the way they shoot to the sky nonetheless) and imagine a Miwok Indian looking down on me, beckoning me to join him to learn about the intersection of nature and human life, to learn how to be led by the animals and how to peacefully coexist with all that surrounds us.
Do not be surprised if one day I write that I have decided to go live with the spirit of an Indian on a mountain top in Marin. It would be the perfect fit for me as I keep one foot here on the blue marble and one foot in the astral plane. (With these flippers I can separate them across time and space and still stand upright.)
Thank you so much for taking the time to share this with me, with us. Super powerful. Thank you. Love you. Owe you.
Love yourself,
Cleo
Timely post as I’ve been dealing with my own control issues. It’s been hard for me to accept that the amount of control I have over something is rarely if ever proportionate to how much I care. I have a tendency to want everything to work out; not necessarily a happy ending with everyone hugging each other but for everyone to just accept the situation and be okay with it. When that doesn’t happen it gets under my skin and I try to take responsibility for fixing it. The amount of self-control and respect for others you have is really impressive. I really admire how you don’t seem to immediately react in situations where handling things badly could have long-term consequences. You take time to center yourself.
Can I ask, do you think there’s ever a time to…..not reflect? To just have an in-the-moment emotional response?
You describe your surroundings so well; I always feel like I’m there. And now I want a pet Triceratops.
L,
Thank you for your kind words. I have to say, although I am sure you already know this, that I have only just started to become the person you describe. I speak to this in posts – I was a hard-charging, opinionated sales girl. Totally Type A. A woman who I have been so fortunate to meet changed me, changed my life. I love her and thank the Universe for her presence on the blue marble regularly. I will be writing more about what she has taught me in the coming days…
To me, my growth in these last months since the Pocket Call have been nothing short of astounding. I am, yet again, massively grateful.
“Can I ask, do you think there’s ever a time to…..not reflect? To just have an in-the-moment emotional response?” What seems to be happening is that I reflect reflexively. No coincidence that those worlds are so similar. Utilizing my Observer Self (Ease Me) regularly has opened up the pipe that connects me to her. We are becoming more and more comfortable with our tandem nature. I’m getting to the point where I am present in the moment and able to slow everything down. I don’t always need to retreat to ponder or to get a handle on my emotions. Sometimes I can’t get the words right to communicate with another person, but I know exactly what I’m feeling. So, yes, in-the-moment responses can be authentic and just what is needed. But they should come from the soul and not the emotional body. Emotions sometimes run amok. I feel, for me, it’s best to give them time to be before running with them.
Above all, a well-developed intuition will carry you safely through any situation or encounter. I now rely on my intuition fully and leave my brain to work through the logistical stuff. I hope that speaks to your question.
“And now I want a pet Triceratops.” Me too! I think I saw one in Fern Canyon. My most favorite part about writing is capturing the scene. When I feel like I really captured it in my words, well, it’s like the most amazing kiss ever. Nothing is its equal.
Stay close…
Love yourself,
Cleo
Cleo,
I just wanted to say thank you. I am dealing with infidelity that has ruined a 20 year marriage. The revelation that my husband had found his soulmate in a woman 15 years his junior and that he probably never really loved me was a humbling, humiliating experience. At first I was overwhelmed and furious. I had to deal with the cheating at the same time as finding out I was being fired from my job because of a muscular disease that my work wouldn’t accommodate. You are becoming my mentor with each post you make. I am leaving my need to control behind and allowing God to lead me down the path he has for me. I feel that that is the key to my regaining my exuberance for life and my future. I want to look at situations for their potential and not fear them. Keep writing. I can’t wait for my next life lesson.
K,
So grateful to have you here, K. There are many mentors at HGM, and we’re all happy to lend a hand, a shoulder, a word or two of wisdom. I’ve learned so much from those that comment here. As I’ve said many times, I would not be where I am today without all of you.
One thought that kept me grounded and focused in the early days after the Pocket Call was the true understanding that I would not want to be with a man who lacked morals and integrity. Marriages fail all the time, but those that are destroyed by betrayal are a different animal. They cause us to question our worth, our judgement, our selves. You mentioned that you were humiliated. I would offer that he is the one who should be humiliated. Some may try to rationalize their infidelity or justify it, but at the end of the day it’s a betrayal, a moral failing, a despicable thing to do. The two that engage in infidelity should be ashamed. Why? Because it’s not honest. It sets a horrible example for children. Lying is never the way to go.
All it takes is a simple conversation. “I am not happy in our marriage. I am finding that I am attracted to another person. We either need to get divorced or attempt to repair our relationship.” Simple.
You will see the potential in situations (focus on the little encounters – so fun and such an interesting way to live life!), you will walk with God as you create your path, you have been set free from a relationship that couldn’t support the beauty that is you. And now you have the time and space to look inward and discover your needs, your boundaries and your passions. I am excited for you. You may not yet be excited, but you’ll rediscover that. I’m certain. Stay close…
Love yourself,
Cleo
i was connected to your site through laineygossip.com. amazing insight into a very real issue that is going on across the globe. trust. it is layered into every factor in everyone’s life on multiple levels. interesting to me is that genius thinks he can censor you. as if he had ownership of your thoughts etc. the hypocrisy of men shows no end. i am for one very proud of your ability to put your children above everything and their needs are put first. you are able to see that your relationship with your children is separate from the one you have with your former spouse. realizing that you have to co-parent with someone whether or not you like them or agree with them is an evolved way of behaving and role models to your kids more than you can imagine. i have observed up close the role of betray and broken trust and you are dealing with it honorably
V,
Thank you for your kind words. I’m glad Lainey brought us together. Love, love, love her.
It’s epidemic, no? Such a sad way to live this life. And so avoidable, unnecessary. I don’t believe marriage is for everyone. It’s really hard. And often is just doesn’t work out. I think Debra Messing was the woman who recently pointed out that till death do us part worked when we lived to the ripe old age of 37. I understand where she’s coming from. It’s a challenge to partner with one person for decades, to grow together such that the pieces of your puzzle still fit after all those years. But it’s doable! IF both parties live by their vows, grow as people, allow themselves to be vulnerable.
But if it’s not working why double the disaster of that by proactively screwing over the person to whom you committed? It takes courage to walk away, and it takes a coward to stay and betray. (Somebody put that into a country song…)
I want my children to be proud of me and will live my life in such a way that I insure that is the case. And at the end of my days, as I rock on my porch in…Sonoma? Stinson Beach? Sweden?, I want to be proud of me, too. HGM will keep me on track, you all will keep me honest and in check, and together we’ll rock this life like Led Zeppelin. Stay close…
Love yourself,
Cleo
Brilliant Cleo, I love the way you are taking one of the most soul-destroying things that can ever happen and thread-by-thread weave it into something that transcends survival. I am a veteran of this myself, and I set out on the same path as you three years ago when I discovered my husband had a mistress for four years – his escape from our life with a beautiful daughter with learning disabilities and the reality of having a beautiful boy with cancer (thankfully now in complete remission).
I worry that I detected a change in your voice once The Genius had read HGM and deemed he was “not OK with it.” I understand that change in your voice: it’s hard to get HIS voice, so used to controlling the wife in you, out of your head. It’s also hard not to think you are undesirable and worthless, otherwise why would he need to go elsewhere. He didn’t replace the children, his job or his friends. He was replacing you. So you are left unbalanced, unsure of the you that you thought you were, and then that voice comes in, not “OK with it,” judging what you’re doing. Making you do what he wants. Demanding you remove key aspects of what you’ve written. As powerful as you are, and as beautiful as your approach to all of this has been, maybe you aren’t strong enough yet to see it for what it is and kick it out of your life.
You are one of us, Cleo, but we don’t know who you are – or anyone else you are writing about for that matter. If The Genius has a problem with it, it’s because “he’s not OK” with facing himself. He’s good at compartmentalizing but this is a gift that will keep on giving and eventually defy that particular skill. He’ll have to live with the person he IS because of this for the rest of his life – along with The Happy Dance Chick. And seeing it in writing in HGM is the opening strings of that journey.
Don’t change your voice, or your true north, or delete a single word. That lover you landed in the first few blogs – yourself – is the only one to listen to. And she’s beautiful, talented, intelligent and destined for great things.
I will look forward to watching everything you deserve unfold, and all your beautiful dreams come true.
PS This is not my name or email address – no one knows what I’ve been through and it’s important to me to keep it that way.
C,
You may not realize this, but I’m actually hugging you right now. Perhaps your chest feels a little tight, it’s hard to breath. Or you are looking around because you feel someone touching you. It’s me. I’m a squeezer. Big, long hug. Thank you for sharing your story and I know we are all grateful your son is in remission. I imagine nothing compares to the pain and fear that surrounds one when their child is fighting such a terrible disease. You are an amazing woman.
Last week was hard, and it’s no surprise, right? I feel we all knew it would be but were unsure as to what challenges would come my way. Well, they came from all sides. And in all shapes and sizes. I’ll be writing about it tonight. I have no idea where it will lead…
You are right. I wasn’t powerful enough last week to make a stand. But that has changed. Now that forgiveness has been expressed, and anger has been purged, I am free to lay out my boundaries. His decision to find and read my blog created the opportunity for me to take a stand. The Genius has no power over me. He really just ought to move on. If he chooses to come here and read HGM than he just isn’t over me yet.
I say, run along little puppy. We’ve got nothing for you here.
While I am changing hourly, my true voice will never change. I won’t censor myself, I will respect the privacy of those who make it into these pages by not revealing their identities, and I will write. And write. And write.
You encouragement is priceless and so very special to me. I really did hug you. I summoned you up and let it rip. Hope you liked it.
Love yourself,
Cleo
Cleo, you are like a friend you can call at 3:00am when your world is falling apart. I’m so grateful I found your blog when I did. I’m two months into knowing about my husband’s affair, and the other shoes keep on dropping. As Suzanne Finnamore wrote in her book “Split: A Memoir of Divorce” it’s like Normandy Beach around here. I read you for strength, I read you for courage, I read you for advice, I read you for the voices of the other women who comment here. Unfortunately, we are legion. Such a sad sisterhood. You inspire me to be present each moment in this journey, and I am doing my best to emulate you. Thank you for sharing your life.
S,
If you did call at 3AM you’d probably hear this: I can do it! I know it’s 2 more miles to the top and the sun has already set but who cares. cats. Schmats.
Thank you for your kind words. You thank me for sharing my life and I thank you for being here to share it with me! I don’t feel alone anymore and neither will you. These early days are filled with challenges, opportunities and a massive dose of feeling like a pink pong ball. Since you said that you read HGM for advice I am going to give you a little morsel here: while betrayal and the failure of a marriage is sad, we are not sad. While you may feel sadness, you are not sad. You are not your emotions. View them as pets. They want love and attention, they need to be cared for and not ignored, and an occasional romp on the earth does them well. They reside within you, but they are not YOU.
I am very grateful you found HGM and that you can find some peace here. Stay close…
Love yourself,
Cleo