I’m moving through lesson after lesson these days. Swiftly. While pondering one, another presents itself. They all seem to be linked together which, when I’m not centered, presents a real challenge. My internal eyes dart left, then right, then up to the sky as if to say, Do I really have to get this all in one shot?
Maybe.
Maybe loving yourself comes from self-care and self-care stems from creating and living by boundaries, and being able to create boundaries means that I understand my needs. And knowing my needs means that I not only know myself, but I trust that what I know about myself is authentic. Living an honest and authentic life means that I respect myself. For me, respect and love go hand in hand, which brings us right back to do re me. And loving yourself.
I had aimed to write a full post on my needs (the frosting to my cupcake of boundaries) this morning as I prepare for my first open water swim this afternoon. Ah, but life intervenes. I have a sick little dude, two mattresses to clean from overnight accidents due to loads of water intake yesterday, an entire room full of laundry, plants to water, Legos to find, all by 1PM when I am to depart to Aquatic Park to swim with seals and sharks, and a very sweet man who has offered to make sure I survive the plunge. In 54 degree water.
This evening was to be an adult night out with my open water trainer/friend. Dinner and then to see The Parlotones. I had arranged an overnight childcare swap with a friend but hurling children ought to stay home, no? So we’ll see how it pans out as I only have two hours booked with a sitter. At the very least I hope I can get in the water, but if I can’t at least I know it’s not going anywhere! And sick children come before anything else.
Looks like I have to factor into my needs list a group of needs that can be met regardless of the hurdles and challenges of the day. I will also have needs that will have to be flexible enough to be jettisoned when duty calls. With no remorse. My life is as a single parent and has been for quite some time. This is not new for me.
I’m most intimidated by the list of needs that pertain to a person who walks with me on my journey. I’m still pondering how that can ever happen again.
I’ll keep you posted on Twitter – speaking of which…if you’re not following me please do! The link is to the right.
My middle name is flexible…
Love yourself,
Cleo
Life does intervene. I too had a sick little girl in the past few days and multiple text messages were flying with the speed of light to try to rearrange my day and evening differently to accommodate her upset tum-tum.
Sometimes I feel pouty about missing an adult-night, or having to bring children for sushi with my girl friends only to have them whine they want to leave and all I want to do is catch up with my gang. I can’t resent the kids when duty calls, however I silently resent their father for letting me be the constant in their lives and opting out on the day-to-day. But he knows I’m good at it, and he’s never claimed to know better. I created that monster.
Good luck on your swim! I swim open water too but this is TEXAS baby, and I’ve never felt 54 degree water! Us wimpy Texans wear our wetsuits if the lake is less than 70 degrees and still complain through chattering teeth! You’ll get your practice in, and your adult time in. Just know those times are for a healthy, happy Mommy and they are priceless.
T,
I felt like a super hero in my wetsuit. I love it so much I almost slept with it! I will write about my swim, but at the moment I am tending to the second one to get bit by the bug. I’m grateful I got in an evening for me, and I’m happy to be a calming presence to my boy, whose birthday party had to be canceled. If he can take that news with barely shedding a tear I can do anything. But I sure do know what you mean – we NEED time to be adults. When The Genius is on the road it is challenging to do anything other than a workout, but perhaps that is all I need right now.
The bay was 54 degrees…and it was BEAUTIFUL!
Think of all he is missing out on…the resentment will disperse. You are a goddess, m’lady.
Love yourself,
Cleo
Dear Cleo and fellow fans of Cleo,
I have been reading from the beginning, inspired by your strength and insight. But this pain, when does it shift? I know, I know, I am responsible for shifting it but how? I’m doing the right things… going to the gym in order to release my emotions, being very comfortable spending time on my own, seeing friends, talking and crying when I need to. Still, it hurts so much. I read over and over that something better is out there. That getting to know me and what my boundaries are will serve me so well in the future. I have to trust the words of others because it all just feels so difficult. After 6 months, I thought some of this pain would ease. Someone please, a magic answer.
P,
Thank you for taking the time to comment and for being here. I know readers of HGM will step up and lend a guiding hand to you as you find your way on this journey. You are doing the right things, if they feel right to you. I’m sensing that you need to be on the earth more. Maybe less gym and more alone time on the blue marble. The gym has a lot of white noise that makes me zone out, while the earth has a way of helping me to tune in and feel, listen, ponder what comes up from within.
The pain and hurt needs your loving attention. Imagine cradling those emotions, holding them to you. Loving them. They want to be heard and felt, deeply. When you feel like you’ve let them have their say, let them speak more to you. Then allow them to drift away when you feel they have given all they can to you.
Something better does exist, but not “out there”. Rather, within you. I’m learning this only now. It’s a hard lesson to master. And while the words of others will help to guide you, it is the words you have for yourself that mean the most right now. Talk to yourself. Talk to your Observer Self. Start to build that relationship with you so that you can create small bursts of joy that will grow larger over time until all that surrounds you is happiness. Because you glow from within and radiate it out.
Some people may say there is no magic answer, but the answer is magic. There is magic all around you, P. I’m certain of it. Trust in yourself that you are creating it and you will begin to see it.
I hope these words resonate with you. Stay close and know that we are always here.
Love yourself,
Cleo
Hi Patty.
Huge hug to you. I won’t stay long (this is Cleo’s throne after all) but I wanted to tell you that what helped me in my journey through what seemed to me, the 5th circle of Hell, in the aftermath my divorce was making the conscious, specific choice to be happy. It sounds simple, but isn’t. Until I decided I wanted to find happiness and not let the despair rule the rest of my life and experiences, I kept sliding back into the murky waters of sadness and angst. Making the choice, one morning before getting out of bed, made that day noticeably brighter. My experiences that day were a bit more fizzly and bouncey and although I did have pangs of remembering the darkness, I kept remembering my choice and each time it took me less time to get back to hopefulness and peace. It does get easier and it’s possible to be happy again. I promise.
Love,
Jane
J,
Beautiful said, J. I feel the exact same way. When I chose happiness, and believe that I deserve to be happy, I am happy. That feeling came swiftly for me after the Pocket Call. I believe it was motivated first by the children. They didn’t deserve to watch their mom crumble. So, I suppose, it started out as a survival instinct and then moved to a conscious choice. Now, when I am having a rough moment, my heart says, Chose to be happy. An instantaneous smile fills my face. Doesn’t mean the frustration of the day goes away. But things get easier. I attribute it to respecting the gift of life by cherishing each day.
Sorry…I sat on YOUR throne too long.
Can mine be an Adirondack chair, next to another Adirondack chair, facing a lake?
Love yourself,
Cleo
Dear Cleo, dear Jane, dear all,
I thought the sisterhood was dead. Didn’t exist. Because if a woman could choose to have an affair with my husband, well, the sisterhood is surely a myth. But because of you, I have discovered that it does exist. It’s filled with women who have been betrayed. It’s filled with women who never would betray another woman. It’s not filled with those who have. But it does exist and that realization came to me only moments ago . How do I thank you? How do we all thank you. I couldn’t get through this without you. Of course friends and family are important, but unless someone really knows what this is like, all they can do is listen and try to help. This, this blog, is something else/more. Cleo I think you’re aware of what you have done. I most sincerely hope you are. You have made as much of a difference as the betrayal we have all felt has made.
P,
Your words are so kind. I am, like you, forever changed by what I’ve experienced through betrayal. I am so grateful for HGM and the love and support and amazing grace and wisdom you have all brought here. I’m leading with my heart, P. Those who can hear her have found their way here.
“How do I thank you?” You already have…in such a divine way. I am so very grateful.
Love yourself,
Cleo