Your patience, your willingness to remain in Stand By as I navigate some pretty fascinating waters, is applauded by me. Endlessly. Relentlessly. Without pause. But I must keep applauding, because I must ask you to be a bit more patient.
In the 14 months that I have been writing to you, I have not stepped out of story telling mode for a post because it’s not how I write. Apparently it’s not how I speak either, as a friend told me recently.
You talk like you write!
I do. I like the narrative approach. But tonight I have to just come in and kiss, kiss and be off to bed. And here’s why:
This should come as a zero sum surprise to you given that January is the one year anniversary of the dissolution of my marriage. In the 13 days since my former wedding anniversary (January 10th) I have received and accepted an offer on the house, made a verbal commitment to rent our next home, and got picked up in the parking lot of Trader Joe’s by a dashing man. (I meet the most interesting people at that parking lot – you must go.) Not literally mind you. Meaning, I didn’t fall. Which wouldn’t be something out of the ordinary for me. I face plant on occasion.
Usually the worst possible occasions.
I am also afflicted with the same Betty Davis disease that has wormed its way through Marin and most of the country, I hear. We all sound the same – voices horse from smoking 3 packs of Pall Malls while calling a football game without a microphone, in a rain storm. Naked. As we greet each other at the playground, young and old, we all sound like we went straight from a bender to drop-off. Not that I would know what that feels like.
Seriously!
My head is pounding, my limbs are limp. My sinuses on lock down. I’m not hungry, which is a blessing because I haven’t worked out but once in the last week. Being a Swede that can mean a whole new wardrobe if I’m not cautious.
The worst part is the exhaustion. It’s 9 PM and I can barely keep my eyes open. I am so sorry, but I have to sleep. There is a post in the midst of being born (let’s call it 8 centimeters dilated) that I hope will be worth the wait. And then after we spend some time trying to understand why lying has become our universal language, I am going to tell you about some pretty epic magic that has been wafting about the hills of Marin.
The perfect family is buying the house. Their children said it was the best open house ever. A married couple will make a home here for the rest of their days, as the home originally hoped. We just couldn’t pull that one off. I know it’s going to be loved and cared for and that leaves me feeling peaceful about moving on.
I have found the most unbelievable place to live. The dudes and I went there today. In the mist and rain I watched them run free through ground clouds, chasing each other around sculptures (uh-huh) and zooming off into the trees in search of a resident gopher. I absolutely cannot tell you more because this needs to be savored. Described in detail. We were there for 45 minutes but it felt like I went to Europe, or back in time, or to Utopia and stayed for two weeks.
And then the parking lot of Trader Joe’s. Oh. But you know my modus operandi, and if I forget it please remind me – I am not looking for That Man. I am not looking for any man. I welcome copious amounts of friends and am especially fond of eye candy. Which, knowing me as you do, does not mean a bunch of male models. I’m changing eye candy to soul candy. Delicious people are soul candy. And I love candy.
You will not believe the series of events that have unfolded since I integrated the lessons of the last year. (I believe Operation Kerchief was the point of integration.) If some of you thought I was making stuff up before you are for sure going to think that Cleo Everest is the product of a round table writing session in LA.
I promise I am not. I am real. Stuffed up and desperately in need of 10 hours of sleep. But first house documents to sign. My aim is to have the post up tomorrow night. I know you know how much I adore you and appreciate your support.
Magic is in the air. I think it took some HGH.
Love yourself,
Cleo
Seems that we have been on a parallel journey the last few months….I’m the gal from oregon who spent two divine nights away at cannon beach this summer (motivated by Yachats)…..after discovering my husbands numerous liaisons over the last ten years in one night… Well I got an awesome and flexible medical sales job, sold our house in 2 days, and have begun looking for the next nest for my daughter and I this past week. We close on the house feb 14…the irony.
I have to ask though…….sex, what are you doing without sex? I bumped into my first love (took him up on a lunch date) and the electricity was on overdrive. Thank god he is a gentleman and told me he should go home before anything happened…I know I’m not in a position to welcome intimacy….but omg…tips please.
So far 2013 has brought some pretty remarkable things for me. Cannot wait to hear more about your news.
J,
Thank you for taking the time to comment and for being here. I’m motivated to go to Cannon Beach!
I am SO HAPPY for you!!! That’s fantastic. I imagine the journey to the coast helped you to plant some seeds of optimism to foster the perfect creation for you and your daughter. It’s remarkable how magic blossoms when we give it permission to do so.
Your question is both thought-provoking, shocking! (for my Mom…;-)), and hilarious to me. I’ve done without sex for a very long time. Way longer than seems right at this stage in my life. I promise to tackle this in a post next week. After I tell you about the ridiculous magic that showered me and the dudes for the past 10 days.
Tonight I write about lies. So it will go: Lies, Magic, Sex. Kind of like Sex, Lies and Videotape but different.
Love yourself,
Cleo
Bravo!! Now, sleep tight and feel better!
S,
Nine hours. Only thing better would have been to wake up in Tahiti.
Love yourself,
Cleo
I hope you feel better Cleo!!
H,
Thank you, m’lady! I do. A bit each day. Weird little virus. Today I coaxed it along with bushels of kale and tea.
Take that, bug!
Love yourself,
Cleo
Feel better and post soon, Cleo! Needing some good news from SOMEONE, can’t wait to read what’s next. I have to live vicariously through others while my life is in a state of pause and confusion. You always motivate me and maybe your next post will give me some clarity.
C,
Thank you for your patience. Feeling better, but still could sleep for days! And that is not me…not these days anyway.
State of pause and confusion…I hope you are taking advantage of some quiet time to just sit and let the dust of confusion settle.
Those cumbersome times are often just waiting for a push to tip it over into perfect sense. Stay with it, C. Stay with it. If you ever need a direct hug just send me an email. I’m here for you…and you, and you, and you.
Love yourself,
Cleo
Wow, Cleo! I can’t wait to hear/read your next post!
How wonderful that you’ve sold the house and found a fabulous new home for you and your boys! I’m really happy for you!
Keep on keeping on!
Avril
A,
Thank you!
Papers signed, closing in 30 days and moving on February 15th, the 2 year anniversary of the day we first stepped foot in Marin County as a family of four. Now it’s me and the dudes.
Oh, do I have a tale to tell…
Love yourself,
Cleo
i hope you’re feeling better, cleo! my goal is to be outta this crazy polluted city before summertime to make it to the kitten konvention! the other day, my daughter told me i should read “the little engine that could” by myself. (I think i can, it think i can!). she just turned four but seems to have a lot of insight into our situation. thanks so much for bringing all us kittens together. xox
S,
Sunny and pollution free days ahead! If you ever doubted that she chose you for a reason and that you created her for a reason you can leave that doubt behind. What a pair!
Thank you for being here. Thank youall for gathering around. We make quite the litter! Listen to that purring!
Love yourself,
Cleo
Cleo- Is there a parallel Universe where you and I are doing the same dance just a few seconds off? Not light years, just seconds. Soul candy. Copious friends to delicious soul candy. I love it.
Wishing you peace as you move and pack. My first move in October threw me off a bit, but tears echoing through empty rooms once filled with 16 years there of life and love( I thought)cleared the emotional jam and loosened up my heart again to peace and acceptance.
“Cry. Forgive. Learn. Move on. Let your tears water the seeds of your future happiness.”
― Steve Maraboli
I hope you find that too.
On to the delicious part. I keep you close too.
M.
M,
Thank you so much for your good wishes! The move, the divorce, all big changes that I am creating as positive steps along an exciting path splashed with magic with Nature holding my hand. You kittens are holding my other hand. So grateful. Thank you, M.
Love yourself,
Cleo
Some really happy feelings on this blog today. Perhaps a Kitten Konvention should be planned for summer? We meet at the base of Mt. Tam for a hike and then wine all around?!
A,
I would love that! It shall happen. That and more. We’ll have a book to celebrate, along with a few more surprises. Much is brewing. My gratitude to you and all the kittens for stoking the fires of creativity and love.
Can one grill pork roll?
Love yourself,
Cleo
Oh, Cleo, I love that you and the Universe are aligning so magically. Keep dreaming, visualizing, planning and breathing. Of course, some specificity when possible goes a long way in helping with the alignment (can’t wait to hear about the house you’ve attracted to you and the dudes – i hope you put up beautiful pictures of the three of you throughout!).
L,
I shall! And I’ll post pictures of our new surroundings. Today I walked through it sobbing tears of joy. I felt at home. Totally grounded in the most beautiful place. I’m so grateful. I can’t wait to wrap the post on lying (it’s necessary to write it, but so draining!) and write about the magic that ensued post Operation Kerchief. Which, of course, included a dash of lying.
Because the Universe has a sense of humor and knows I can take a joke.
Thank you for sharing in my joy. You are a treasure.
Love yourself,
Cleo
I am so happy to read that the issue of the house is almost settled; what a relief to have that in your rear-view mirror! One of the things I love about your blog is that your (and your contributor’s) experiences are so applicable to other (awful) situations. I am not going through the betrayals that you, and others, have written about so well and so searingly but am dealing with something truly awful, also. I love reading about your deep lows and loopy highs and it gives me such comfort knowing that others are also suffering and blooming. Through my own experiences, which so, so include you and your readers, I feel such a connection to everything in a much deeper way that I ever thought possible. The depth of empathy and joy and sorrow I feel towards others now is heady and as much as I wish that I hadn’t had to go through what I have, there is so much to be grateful for now that I’m here.
S,
Bravo! Ditto! I concur! And I’m so grateful you are here.
Loopy highs…a perfect description. Deep lows and loopy highs might be the product of a manic depressive, but for us we are centered and can look at the lows and highs from a place of peace, where we are grounded and able to experience both with an open heart.
Some label the sale of a house, moving and a divorce as the hardest or worst things we experience. I’m choosing to avoid labels and let the events be what they need to be. For me the change is welcome, albeit challenging. But challenges, like scars, can be sexy. So I say, Let’s be sexy as we deal with the tug of war, the push-pull, the muck, and just label it all love!
Your support is so appreciate m’lady. You and that red head of yours rock!
Love yourself,
Cleo
Hi Cleo! Can’t wait for your post on sex!! I have posted before. I am from Victoria, BC on the same path as you but didn’t find out about the cheating until 11 months after we separated and he’s still seeing his HDC and she lives in Iceland! Insane. Won’t make the effort to make his own marriage work but is willing to travel half across the world every 6 weeks or so for “love”. Our house is on the market as well and I hope it sells soon so I can really move on with my 2 kids. I read the lying post and it is so discouraging but true. How can you ever really trust anyone? You can’t but you must at the same time. I will not come out of this bitter, just better. Anyways, back to SEX (and dating) ! I have had my experiences and thoughts on it in the last year and I’m interested in hearing yours! XOXO
L,
I can’t wait to have sex, I mean POST about sex, too! My Mom, however, is likely not as excited as you.
Nothing to be bitter about, right? You’ve been set free. And in BC no less! While I don’t have the fortitude to deal with the chill, I am in awe of the landscape. How romantic and sexy. She will sell and you will create that which you most need.
Sex soon. I mean, a post about sex soon.
Love yourself,
Cleo