We found Dr. K, Couples Counselor, therapist and person who has to listen to WAY too much about infidelity, online. Shocker.
She was a perfect fit, although I wished she talked faster. I’m an East Coast girl who moved to Marin County, California 11 months ago. It took me four weeks to actually enjoy stopping at a stop sign. 99% of the people here are the very definition of chill. The other 1% proactively working to get there or pretending they’ve arrived. Dr. K was there. Chill. Focused. Always a tad late, but we got right down to it.
The first session was a double. I was glad. I desperately needed guidance. Not the kind of guidance you get from a friend or loved one, but professional, intense guidance. (Important to note here that the guidance one gets from friends and family in times like these is key, but professional guidance is crucial. And your friends and family will give you something professionals won’t – love.)
As much as part of me was working to keep an upbeat atmosphere at home and focus on determining if we had a shot to repair our marriage, another part knew that we had a road ahead that very few people have successfully traveled together, even with a therapist. I was hoping Dr. K would be able to get us to the end as a family. Intact. With new tools and a load of compassion.
In the session, he wanted to focus on the problems in our marriage, I wanted to focus on the affair and the problems in our marriage, and Dr. K wanted to focus on the affair. (See Entry 9. That’s why she is a Doctor and I am not.) She stressed that he had to leave the relationship in the past if we were to be able to move forward. I could see the struggle in his body language. His gaze was direct and without emotion. Vacant, yet totally focused on Dr. K’s eyes. She asked for his agreement.
He said he understood. Which is basically a non-answer.
I have a friend who is a therapist and knows…wait, shouldn’t we give him a name now? How about Genius. I like that. So, my friend knows Genius really well. And he knows me really well. We are truly tight. He described Genius as being a “highly-managed guy”. Very in control of what he shares, and very closed-off with and to his emotions. So picture this: Man sitting on a couch, arms crossed, therapist tells him the obvious – If you want to rebuild your relationship with your wife you’re going to have to leave the Happy Dance Chick along the side of the road where she will no doubt be picked up by another man thinking an affair is the road to happiness– and he nods his head down once like a Lipizzaner stallion. He understood the request and that’s as far as he was willing to go.
In Session 2 he spills the beans that he loves her.
Have you seen the trailer for The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo where Rooney Mara (as Lisbeth Salander) appears as if she has been shot in the stomach? It’s a one-second shot, but it speaks for days. She wasn’t actually shot, and neither was I. But my reaction was physical. My abs caved. The energy surrounding his words charged for my stomach and kicked it in. A punch to the gut, as they say. He loves her. I am in outer-freaking-space. I am waiting for Woody Allen to pop out of some closet and tell me I’m his newest muse. First I answer a pocket call and hear a highly suspicious conversation, then I spend two months apart from Genius wondering what to believe as he DENIES, DENIES, DENIES, and then I find an email where she threatens a Happy Dance and he suggests how he wants her, and now I’m in a therapist’s office listening to my husband say that he loves the woman with whom he has been having a year-long affair.
If I do not get my SAG card out of this I am going to be really pissed.
But my best performance was yet to come. It would surely seal the deal.