I was all ready to write about our trip west and the joy I experienced watching the boys revel in their first lake swim, jumping off the rock in the middle of June Lake with huge smiles parting only for woo-hoos as they sailed through the air, splashing down in the cold, clear water…then I saw the flood in my kitchen.
The freezer and fridge bailed on their duties, leaving a river on my floor and food half-defrosted, begging for someone to save them from the compost bin. What I can’t fit into my coolers I must cook. So I will be whipping out the pots and pans tonight and improvising like a demon in the kitchen.
As I packed food in the coolers I pondered the meaning behind this unexpected event.
It’s been a challenge to remain centered today, for no good reason. Really. No reason at all. I’ve felt like I can’t do it on my own. I felt like my confidence has been shaken, stirred and thrown over my shoulder, splattering on the floor. And that is not a feeling that is genuine. Because I can do it on my own, whatever it may be. And I am confident.
I chalk it up to being removed from you for a week – the first time since we began this journey together, and to coming from my mind and not my heart. My heart sings in nature. My mind is being engaged because I have to deal with some challenging 3D or ‘daily life’ tasks. The two haven’t yet figured out how to co-operate.
There was another reason I wasn’t meant to post tonight. Between that last sentence, The two haven’t yet figured out how to co-operate, and now, Mr. Jackpot and I burned the phone for two hours. Lots of ground was covered. Lots to ponder. I’m so grateful to be able to speak freely with him, to banter and debate and wonder. We spent a fair amount of time discussing Yachats. We are so coming at it from different angles. The experience has provided us both with amazing memories and profound opportunities for growth.
But perhaps the most fascinating nugget of the call was delivered by Mr. Jackpot and it went exactly like this:
You are one of the most intelligent and intuitive people I have met in my life, but I can’t figure out how to deal with you.
I appreciate the praise and consider myself on the path of achieving rather than having arrived at that banquet. However, it’s the last half that has me pause.
My gut feeling about being the female version the The World’s Most Interesting Man may be spot on.
To cook, to sleep, to post Monday, and regularly thereafter. Farewell, Summer. You heaped joy. Thank you. And thank you for your patience during these last several days. Now we get down to it.
Love yourself,
Cleo
C-
Just a little reminder that you may be having a hard time staying centered because you are — wait for it — human. Most of us humans, even the most evolved and centered, likely find a flooded kitchen, half-spoiled food and the need to engage in an unexpected episode of your own personal Iron Chef (tonight, the fabulous Cleo will have to make a meal out of an apple, 3 slices of cheese and tilapia) off-centering. No doubt you will whip up something wonderful and have us laughing in your retelling. Hang in there mama!
-R.
R,
My culinary delights will be feeding the plants of Marin. It’s all destined for the compost heap. A futile exercise? Nah. Just another opportunity to have fun with life. It’s been a real challenge to stay centered these past few days. I’m grateful to know that I can pull it off, but holy arachnid it’s a whirlwind!
Somehow, the simple act of smiling has made a huge difference as I bounce on this most bumpy part of my path. Oh, did I tell you I have symmetrical zits on my face? Joy.
I need some more sensuality in my world. Must get back there…thank you for helping me to realize that. And for your guidance. You rock.
Love yourself,
Cleo
C,
I have no idea where you find the strength to deal with the crap that keeps getting thrown at you. (Message to Universe: Can you cut this girl a break??)
Hope you find the cooking to be relaxing and a way to zone out a bit. On the bright side, you’ll have tons of tasty treats for the coming weeks just by hitting defrost on the microwave; freeing up tons of time for hiking! Yay!
sending virtual moral support your way,
N
N,
The Universe sent a message alright…chill out, Cleo. Nothing is ever as good or as bad as it seems. Alas, the cooking will result in nothing but a very full compost bin. Everything has to be trashed. So, I start fresh. But I learned to flow just like the water did…all over my floor.
In addition to feeling out of sorts because of being disconnected from you kittens, I also have not been able to hike or swim in days. That does NOT support me. I was beating myself up over it until last night when I realized that the world won’t come to an end if I can’t break a sweat. My tush might not be as perky, but I’ll get it back.
I just have to chill. Not freeze up, not melt away, just chill. Thank you, Universe. And thank you, N for your kind words of support. Again, so grateful you are here.
Love yourself,
Cleo
Anything/everything taste good on a soft taco shell !! Hang in there girl
C,
With hot sauce! My new obsession. I’m getting all my senses jacked up these days, m’lady.
You I adore.
Love yourself,
Cleo
Hi Cleo,
I’ve been reading your blog for some time now and have introduced your blog to a few girlfriends in need of your wisdom. I’ve noticed the comments have have low lately, so felt it was my time to step up. Keep in mind that it’s back-to-school for most of us and it’s distracting.
Funny how life shows you just what you need to see when you least expect it. A big puddle. A mad dash to make it work. The futility of it all. And then – brilliance! The big mess will feed the gardens and make the soil richer.
Love your insights, your exploits. Reading your words helps heal my wounds.
Thank you for creating this blog. Love reading all the comments. There is a real dialogue going on here. We are all growing and healing from this forum.
Much love,
;>0
K,
You are so very sweet to take the time to comment simply to let me know you’re there. That is divine. Thank you.
Dog days of summer? How about warp speed and juggling like I’m at the try outs for Cirque du Soleil? But, as you so deftly pointed out, nature will benefit from my busted fridge. And that makes me so very happy.
Your words have helped to steady me in the midst of a time when I’m feeling a bit wobbly. Stay close, m’lady. And thank you for passing HGM along. The most brilliant souls have gathered around and made this such a grounding place for me to be. I am so grateful.
Love yourself,
Cleo
my best friend sent me a link to this, your amazing blog, which incidentally is running parallel to my life. on this day, the 20th of august, i kicked my husband out after discovering that he’d been having an affair only one year after we were married. it’s only been a little over a month since this discovery and it’s super complicated but thank you. thank you for voicing what i’ve been feeling. for giving me the hope and proof that i will get over this and start to love me and do what is right for me and my little 10 month old daughter.
P,
I applaud you. Which is not to say that I believe every betrayed spouse should kick the liar out, but every betrayed spouse should feel that it is their right to choose how to proceed once the jig is up. To do what is in the best interest of them and their children.
Someday when I have some time on my hands I will journey back to fantasize what might have been had I been as decisive as you and kicked The Genius out after his first affair. I envision a margarita in one hand, a book in the other, a gentle breeze and a need to rest my eyes. I’ll close them and picture what you are about to do and imagine if I had only done the same. For kicks and giggles.
Both of which you will have again. Not to mention love, happiness and the most priceless of all – respect and love for yourself. I don’t know your back story, but I feel that you are on the verge of magic. Little bits at first as you make small decisions to remain joyful, look for signs and create encounters. I’m proof it works, m’lady. It hasn’t always been easy, but it’s been WAY more fulfilling than being married to a liar.
Snuggle that beautiful baby and know that you will create magic. Stay close…
Love yourself,
Cleo
PS: Your best friend rocks.
PPS:
Forgive me…
Thank you for being here and for taking the time to comment. For letting us know you are here. For your kind words. But most of all for being brave and for loving your daughter. Although she is only 10 months old, you are still creating soul memories for her. Well done!