Actually, my tuchus isn’t taut anymore. And my move is far from over. I have worked out twice since I transitioned to Bolinas over the last weekend in February. Once at the gym, going all out on the elliptical hard enough to significantly tweak my knee. And yesterday – a stunning hike to Alamere Falls which is not far, as in 6 miles, from The Calmmune. (That’s the name for this Brigadoon-esque land.)
I’ve learned that what takes four weeks to tighten takes four days to flab out.
I’ve also learned to not sweat not sweating, not unpacking, not having a schedule, not having reliable internet access, not having water that doesn’t smell of sulfur, and not having a single day over the next 8 where I am not driving ‘over the hill’ as they (locals) say.
Reduce that all down and basically I am learning to not sweat this transition, save for one key aspect which I will get to in a bit. But first, I have to admit, like many a bride who thinks only of their wedding day, I did not think at all about what it was going to be like just after the move.
Not at all.
Things I didn’t expect:
Packing is way easier than unpacking. Unpacking is brutal when you have nothing to unpack into.
Hours can be lost walking back and forth, from box to box, looking for…wait, What was I looking for again? I do mean hours.
Sulfur in the water may be something desirable in a hot spring, but not in a drinking glass.
I can’t find any of my socks.
The schedule I imagined has yet to materialize. I am a whirling dervish.
Springing ahead has left me far behind.
I have not set foot on Stinson Beach or Mt. Tam since our arrival.
That single filmmaker in his 40s that lives next door has been here one day. The day I wasn’t here.
It’s impossible to hang artwork alone. If accurate placement is the goal.
It’s impossible to carry a six-tier industrial shelving system inside from the car. (Thank you, strong and sweet man with the unique name who lives next door.)
Mr. Viking has gone from limping to not being able to move.
I don’t talk to my Mom nearly as much as I used to, and I still have birthday cards I haven’t opened. Both situations must change.
I don’t like not having a land line.
Other things I didn’t expect:
The dudes have not asked about TV once. Good thing. It’s not hooked up. And it’s so far down on the list of priorities that they may be graduating high school by the time I get around to it.
My landlords are beyond divine. Priceless, in the true sense of the word. Today while I walked the dog, she came out to greet me and took my hand as we strolled around the path. The connection between us is extraordinary. I imagined her as a character in my book long before I met her. Just as I imagined this property, never thinking I would find such a place. (Good thing my heart doesn’t listen to my mind.)
Small talk doesn’t exist here.
My dog has shaved 5 years off her age. I’m aiming to do the same.
The dudes love the drive.
The crashing of ocean waves is in stereo. The left channel comes from the south at Stinson Beach and the right channel comes from the west at Agate Beach.
There has been a clear reason for meeting each person I have encountered here. A VERY clear reason.
My intuitive abilities have flourished. Blossomed. Taken over. I’m ready to let them have the spotlight.
I am crazy about bats.
I like waking up to watch the sun rise more than sleeping.
West Marin has mosquitoes!
It’s warmer here than over the hill.
Moving here has made me more me, naturally me. Without trying to be me.
Even with all the madness and disorganization, we are madly in love with where we live.
The one key aspect of this transition that has caused anxiety has been being away from you. I naively didn’t consider the brain freeze I would experience in the midst of this transition. For the first time since starting HGM I’ve been nervous to sit and write it out. I don’t feel crafty or funny or particularly adept at describing this place, this time, my feelings. When my internet went on hiatus during a recent storm I was relieved.
I don’t get writer’s block. And that’s not what I have now. It’s as if I am in the transmission stage of this transition. The pixels of my life are sprinkled over the hills of Marin, taking their sweet time in the fields of wild flowers, likely cow-tipping, as they meander west. I have so much to say, so much to share, but it’s all jumbled and foggy and hiding in plain sight.
Today was going to be the day when all the pixels of me came together and my game plan went into action. I would head east, work out, write during the day (talk about a transition!), pick up the boys and come home. Make dinner, not eat out or bring in, and have a quiet evening. Bed by 9 PM.
Let’s see. I got the dudes. Whew, right? And I did make dinner…sort of. I made a salad, roasted cauliflower and passed off a rotisserie bird as my own. Everything else got shelved. It’s now 10 PM.
Tomorrow I will try again. I will write during the day. I have been pondering transitions and am excited to do it with you. There’s much to share about Mr. Viking and me. Those boundaries I set many moons ago are proving to be rock solid, making me feel secure and able to be vulnerable without fear of bleeding out.
Now I must gargle with salt water (sans sulfur) to quell this little cold that wants to put a damper on my enthusiasm and get to bed. We’ll call this a two-parter.
Be sure to come back so I can tell you about my new boy friend.
Love yourself,
Cleo
PS: Do you know how much you all rock? You are so loved.
Thank you, Cleo! This was worth the wait. Looking forward to more info on how you became such a great juggler. I have known you for a long time now but that talent never was so visible in the life you have now adopted as your own!!
We are patient, we are kind, – your kittens, – but don’t stress us out like that again. Too long without milk and honey is not good for kittens. We love you, Cleo, so take time to Love Yourself every day. You have taught us now make time to practice it on yourself.
Have a great day,
Irish
I,
Thank you, m’lady, for taking the time to comment and for your loving support. The tides have turned and this view is looking mighty sweet. Had I thought about the transition prior to the actual move I might have fared better, and more words would have been written. But then I might not have pondered transitions so deeply. A very necessary exercise.
I am so grateful for all the support and patience and love sent our way as we set out on our adventure. My life has changed a great deal in the past 1.5 years. Best part? The kittens, paws down. Thank you.
Love yourself,
Cleo
Cleo, you described Bolinas marvelously, Moving requires about 6 weeks at least, of hardware store trips, unpacking, buying things you didn’t know you would need, and general chaos. Every day you have your boys and their routine, looks like that is figured out. Everything else will fall into place, but give yourself time. Thank goodness there is a hardware store in Bolinas – and usually some locals hanging around ready to come and do some carpentry if needed. Don’t beat yourself up about not writing! It’s expected!
C,
Thank you so much for your kind words. As often happens, writing out my challenges and concerns freed them. Today I woke at 6 without hitting the snooze button, made a hot breakfast for the dudes, got to school 10 minutes early, ripped off 90 minutes on the elliptical, had a great business meeting (still in my sweaty gym clothes – love that!) and now will write. Now THIS is how I imagined it playing out. All while tending to a cold. It CAN be done.
I was JUST talking to the dudes about the hardware store in Bolinas. We haven’t yet been inside. We’re heading there this weekend to explore.
Thank you, C. For being here and for your support.
Love yourself,
Cleo
Yay for mosquitos! They’re great bat food. And, as we all know, bats are awesome.
L,
Love those winged creatures. And you.
Love yourself,
Cleo
Take your time, Cleo, we’ll all be here waiting for you when you are ready to write. It must be terribly difficult to write about what’s been going on when you haven’t had a moment to sit down and reflect. I hope the settling in goes very smoothly for you and the dudes.
S,
Thank you, m’lady. After writing last evening I felt so much better. And today unfolded with ease. Although exhausted, I managed to get 90 on the elliptical and lots of work done. Then supreme play with the dudes. Just writing it out cleared it out. As Mr. Viking said, Write on! As in, right on! But now I have such important things to write out that I do need to take the time to reflect. It’s the only way to get to the juicy stuff.
Tomorrow I get to kick off my day with a divorce meeting! I am actually excited. I cannot wait to get this wrapped. But I will not sit idle – we are going on an adventure together, S! It’s going to be spectacular. Thank you for being here and for your patience.
Love yourself,
Cleo
Can’t wait for the adventure to continue! Good luck in the meeting. Wish I could be there with you for moral support. I am, if only in thought.
S,
Thoughts become things. You were all there. I could feel you. And grabbed my Mt. Tam facing seat. It was the peaceful meeting I asked for and my attorney is so sublime. I want her to read me bedtime stories. Thank you for being here for me. This adventure shows no signs of slowing down. I asked for it and am hugely grateful to have so much to ponder and juggle and experience.
Mr. Viking is about to take center stage, but not in the way he wishes. Will write in the day tomorrow. Need sleep this evening or I will wither. Stay close…
Love yourself,
Cleo
Hey C,
As always, your posts are very timely. As we ponder our move back to California from the land of Taylor Ham, we keep thinking North or South, city or suburb . . . I/we? are overthinking and with all that overthinking action will never happen.
You wrote in the past of your slight anal issues and I think you have left those behind in the past with the TG. You didn’t overplan or overthink, you just went for it . . . and look at how happy you are . . .your words are just jumping off the page!
A,
Taylor ham…pork roll…taylor ham…pork roll. My mom sent me a t-shirt for my birthday with a cast iron skillet on the front and a couple pieces of taylor ham in it – scored just so, with the words: Taylor ham, it’s a Jersey thing. Perhaps you can move to Northern Cali and raise free-range, organic pork rolls!
)))
Follow your intuition. If you ever feel like you are swimming upstream you are in the wrong stream.
Yes, I have shed a lot of my anal-ness. But I have noticed that when TG bleeds into my world I can revert to old ways of being. But all it takes is a drive over the hill and I’m back to beachy me. The dudes and I are a little tired, a little toasty, but oh, so very happy.
Big things on the horizon, m’lady. So happy you are here.
Love yourself,
Cleo
Oh no, you can’t just drop the new boyfriend bomb and then leave us hanging like that…although, knowing you by now ( a little ???)…it could actually be a coyote, a bat, an owl (not a spider, THAT we know
???
You teaser….you are in the flow, alignment, Vortex… continue to inspire us to take the Big Leaps that we still wonder about…
Enjoy !!!
Warm, encouraging hugs
moving is a crisis rite. up there with marriage, death, divorce and birth.
the fact that you are going through more than one of these experiences is an attestment to your abilities.
we have all been amazed at your strength, wisdom and patience despite you seeing it in yourself.
you continue to role model for those amazing boys of yours what matters to you. that is the best teachable moment ever.
as HDC ex hubby stated. they did you both a favor – it is difficult to see however ultimately you will see that you could not be where you are now without that experience despite how horrible it was. That trauma led you to us and all that you are experiencing and we are all grateful for that in the big picture sense.
need to get with the hardware peeps about some filtration for the water. we live on a well in indiana and have double if not triple filtration in the shower. and if you aren’t drinking the water ( we have delivered water and those dispenser thingys) make sure the dudes are getting flouride in their toothpaste or mouthwash. our eldest had probs with her teeth because she wasn’t getting any and her teeth were “mushy” due to it. that has been my experience at least with rusty and sulfur water.
happy st patrick’s day. spring is almost sprung
love from indiana
victoria
V,
Thank you so much for your words of support. Your timing is perfect as today did not unfold as planned and will result in the delay of the post yet again. Perhaps tonight, but definitely tomorrow. (I needed to devote time to getting my own internet access and dedicated land line in Bolinas and help Mr. Viking – the post will give some background on that ‘help’.) So, when I came to see that I wouldn’t get my daytime writing done I wanted to smack myself. Then I looked at my expanding hips (I’ve worked out 3 times in 3 weeks), covered in a symmetrical rash because I got wheat-bombed yesterday, and wanted to freak.
But I don’t need to freak. I need to remain centered and happy. That is truly what I need. So I choose need over want.
I also need all of you. For that symbiotic relationship to work there needs to be a reliable rhythm to the posts. And there will be. Admittedly, this transition has not been as smooth as I anticipated. But, the dudes and I have never been happier. Upcoming posts on boundaries and freedoms will paint that picture, for sure. This past weekend was full of epic memory making moments.
I promise I am working my tail off (even though it appears to be expanding) to get my schedule back and even foresee returning to three posts a week very soon! I CANNOT wait for that to happen!
Much to explore, learn, understand, ponder, and write out. Thank you for being here with me throughout this process. I’m so grateful for your support.
Love yourself,
Cleo
Loved reading about your move and it sounds amazing. I am still wearing my carpenter pants when I deal with him. But I am moving on and wanting a move just like yours to a new place that will just be my daughters and mine. Our home.
Take care
T
T,
I haven’t yet sat on the couch and surveyed a fully unpacked home that is just mine, but I have felt many times a sense of freedom that many kittens said I would feel. This home is for me and the dudes. The memories we make there are only ours. It’s a perfect home (sulfur water and elusive internet access aside!) for us. You will create the same reality for you and your daughters. During a quiet moment last year I recall stating that in an ideal world we would live in a cottage on someone’s estate. That’s all it took to set the wheels in motion as I went about my days that led to the sale of our home.
When I look over my shoulder I can see the steps that led me to where I am today. Create your reality, T. Thank you for being here. So good to hear from you.
Love yourself,
Cleo