On the way out to Mt. Whitney from Marin the GPS took me to Lake Tahoe and then directed me south to Mammoth Lakes. On the way home she decided to take me on a different route. One that went right through Yosemite. I paused for a moment wondering if I should stick with the road I once traveled or continue on my gluttonous path through Nature’s bounty. Nature won…as she always will with me.
I knew the day was going to be sublime when I left Murphey’s Motel and stumbled upon my kind of coffee shop. Rarely do I ask if there is anything gluten free to eat, because more often than not the answer is, Yes – this banana. Nothing against bananas, but I wasn’t in the mood. I was starving. It had been 20 hours since my last meal, and I was still making up for calories expended on Whitney. Alas, in tiny Lee Vining, the coffee shop had a cornucopia of gluten free treats. I selected a breakfast cookie of oats, dried fruit and chocolate chips, grabbed my coffee and made my way to the Tioga Pass. Straight into heaven.
If you had told me I was driving through a theme park, I would have bought it. I’ll never tire of looking at granite mountains grounded by boulders that have tumbled down through time. Nor the crystal lakes randomly deposited in nooks and crannies, linked together by storybook streams of water that move at a perfect pace, in no hurry to arrive at their destination.
I, however, did need to keep to a schedule. I chose my picture taking opportunities with care, pulling off to snap a photo of Half Dome, and a sea of peaks laid out like dominoes midway through the park, and I even managed to snap a pic or two for couples and families wanting everyone in the shot. Every person that I encountered that day was joyous. Why not? No cell service, no stop lights, no buildings…just staggeringly beautiful landscapes to sweep the cares away and leave in their place pure love.
I continued to fill up my center with her energy, drinking in the air, chewing on the views, and spilling out my gratitude as each bend in the road revealed to me reason after reason to be grateful to be alive, right here, right now. It was a brief journey through Yosemite, but one that had a massive impact on me.
Only I didn’t realize quite how massive until I got home.
My sister was kind enough to fly out from the east to take care of the boys after The Genius returned them home from a little vacation with The Family G and The Happy Dance Chick. (I’m sure they all had a wonderful time swapping stories about how to cover tracks and deflect and deny.) In return for my sister’s kindness, the boys gifted her with an intestinal infection to rival all others. She probably caught it while catching the hurl from the Tall Dude in a plastic bowl conveniently located at the end of an aisle at Target. Can you believe the store wanted her to buy it? Not the mutilated breakfast that sloshed in it, but the bowl itself. She balked. And walked.
And then spent the remainder of her time in Marin slowly regaining her appetite only to lose it and nearly all her organs in the toilet, again and again.
The boys tackled me at the door upon my arrival, asking question after question about my mountain climb. I hid the bags of souvenirs I had gathered (rocks from Whitney…shhhh…don’t tell, maps, magnets, treats, and the supremely important t-shirts) in the closet and settled in to snuggle and center myself as I returned to sea level. We spent the afternoon playing with the WAG bag.
Later that evening I opened the boys’ suitcases to unpack their clothes. In the Tall Dude’s suitcase was a pink t-shirt with a picture of Mt. Whitney, her name written in script below her rugged facade.
This was my spontaneous thought:
Are you kidding me? I climbed Mt. Whitney and you gave him the t-shirt?
How is that not totally freaking weird? Excuse my poor grammar. But, really?
My sister came into the room and saw me holding the t-shirt.
Tall Dude said The Happy Dance Chick gave him the t-shirt. It was her daughter’s.
She gave it to him and it was a hand-me-down? I was gobsmacked. A sound emerged from my mouth that was like a laugh but devoid of fun and merriment.
Why didn’t you give him the one from Disneyland? Or The Grand Canyon? Or that leftover one from summer camp back in 2010? Or the white one?
Why that shirt?
Just because it wasn’t being worn anymore? Or because it was pink and that’s his favorite color? Well, that is SO funny, because right about the time you gave my son the Mt. Whitney t-shirt, I was CLIMBING! MT.! WHITNEY!
Can you believe the coincidence? My eyes hurt from rolling.
I’ve struggled to describe how the discovery of the Mt. Whitney t-shirt left me feeling. On one hand it’s no big deal for me. What can I do? No reason to waste energy on it, or worse, run negative thoughts about it. On the other hand, it suggests a real lack of judgment on the part of The Happy Dance Chick. And The Genius. I thought about how I would respond if Mr. Jackpot did something similar. Oh, wait…I don’t have to conjure up a scene. It happened. Mr. Jackpot wanted to build the boys a clubhouse. A very sweet and generous thing to offer. We both decided it wouldn’t be the right thing to do. That was something The Genius should be a part of. And so began my fateful Father’s Day experience. But it was the right move.
Now, this climb of Whitney…it’s fair to say this was the single most important self-care commitment I’ve ever made. I trained for this. I braved it out. I got altitude sickness. I peed in front of people and then talked to them about the local fishing climate. I climbed in the dark and straddled her crest, and willed my way to her summit. The boys cheered me on all the way. This was something the three of us did together.
I did that climb for them.
And The Happy Dance Chick gave my biggest supported the t-shirt.
I wanted to find a synonym for stupidity, because I just don’t like the word, and came across this divine list. I was so moved (as in laughing my arse off) that I couldn’t bear to select just one, I’ll leave that up to you.
- Dullness of mindstupor, stupefaction, apathy, slowness, inertia, heaviness, obtuseness, sluggishness, stolidity, feeble-mindedness, folly, weakness, silliness, nonsense, absurdity, imbecility, imprudence, lunacy, simplicity, idiocy, brainlessness, shallowness, weak-mindedness, fatuousness, fatuity, incapacity, short-sightedness, poverty of intellect, impracticality, addle-headedness, dullness of comprehension, puerility, senility, ineptitude, giddiness, thick-headedness, asininity, muddleheadedness, slowness, lack of judgment, injudiciousness, stupidness, slow-wittedness, bluntness, emptiness of mind, insensibility, doltishness, ignorance, lack of intelligence, mental deficiency, fatuity, boobishness*, nitwittedness*, dippiness*, battiness*, balminess*, goofiness*, baloney*, nertz*, bull*, hooey*, piffle*, phooey*, blatherskite*.
Antonyms wisdom*, intelligence, judgment. To be fair, some of the above words don’t apply.
It took until the next afternoon, when I was swimming in the bay with Mr. Triathlete (He told me he wanted to pamper me as a reward for my climb. Open water swimming is his idea of pampering. Mine, too.) for me to process the bizarre nature of the incident now known as Operation T-shirt. To be honest, I just found it creepy. Harmless, but creepy. About 20 minutes into the swim, as I was being dragged toward a massive anchor chain attached to a vessel while I adjusted my leaky goggles, Operation T-shirt became a non-event.
Nature had other plans for my attention.
Mr. Triathlete and I got a late start to our swim for reasons that must wait to be revealed. (You’ll love it.) Our timing and the tide did not sync up. Getting out of the docks from the South End Rowing Club was definitely more challenging than in the past. Once beyond the docks I came to understand what it’s like to be a salmon returning home to spawn.
We had decided to swim the perimeter of Aquatic Park instead of two laps of the buoys. Both routes clock in at a mile, but the perimeter swim is more mosh pit, less jello juggling. Which was SO fun when you factor in a flooding tide and a pair of leaky goggles. Each time I had to stop to adjust them I lost all my gain. Mr. Triathlete was so patient. There was no giving up and heading in. We were out there. The conditions were less than hospitable. So we power through. And then we get to celebrate the achievement.
But first we have to avoid being knocked unconscious by a large, metal chain. As we futzed with my goggles he looked over my head. His bright blue eyes widened as he warned me of my peril. I turned to look up at a ship that made me feel like a bobbing apple. I was less worried about the metal chain and the behemoth it was attached to and more worried about the food chain – the various marine life lurking in and around them. I fish; I know where they like to hide. I didn’t want to be another link, so I swam like my hopes and dreams would all be realized once I hit the half-mile mark.
It kicked my tuchus.
At the half-mile mark there was a sailboat I was sure to collide with if I didn’t either swim faster or cut to the left, shaving off a big curve that turned us toward the imaginary finish line.
I cut the corner. I’m still bummed about that. I could have done it. I just didn’t want to work hard enough. Threading the needle between two sailboats was no fun either, but I had it in me to make the curve. That’s not going to happen again.
At the 3/4 mile mark, Mr. Triathlete massaged a cramp out of my calf. It wasn’t blinding, but it was enough to cause concern with one week to go before my bay crossing. I was really trying to hydrate, eat well, take my herbal tonics, and still I get a cramp. Er. And leaky goggles.
We rolled around like seals, laughing and letting our arms take a breather. Mine were worked over. As I floated on my back, they looked longingly at the beach, imagining themselves laying side by side on narrow towels feeling absolutely nothing but warmth. Unfortunately for them, I had another 1/4 mile to go and the bay was agitated. But the tide worked with us as we made our way to the docks. My goggles kept their seal and my legs relaxed. I brought back the glide and settled down to enjoy the last of my time in the bay that day.
When we emerged from the water we applauded each other. Our smiles were broad and our bodies relaxed. We hugged.
That was my most challenging swim by far. I felt really good about the effort it took to get past the opening in the retaining wall that leads to the bay and make my way to shore. Even Mr. Triathlete, who’s completed two Ironmans, was impressed by the strength of the tide and what it took to get through the first part of that swim.
I peeled off my wet suit and stood at the edge of the dock in the early evening breeze. I didn’t feel its cold, just the movement as my gaze lifted toward the Marin Headlands and Mt. Tam. I thought about how proud the boys were of me when I got home and how excited they were about my upcoming swim. My climb and swim as achievements pale in comparison to how gracefully they have handled our divorce. As much as I hope to set an example for them, they already set one for me.
As has Nature. She stands tall, is bold, beautiful, welcoming, confident, comfortable (when we treat her well), and uplifting. She is my muse. My mentor. She’s always in my corner. Her challenging tides gave me an opportunity to be brave and willing to work hard to achieve my goal. She reminds me that I know what to let go of and what to reach for. That my dreams will become my reality when I work hard to make it happen. And that I still have a little ways to go to realize my true potential.
But I’m almost there.
As long as a nurse shark doesn’t derail my plan. The bay swim, complete with another round of beautiful encounters is next…
Love yourself,
Cleo
Oh don’t you just LOVE the antics of The Happy Dance Chicks? I used plural because my version of her does the SAME EXACT type of passive-agressive shit all the time! Oh and if I had to pick just one of the synonyms you listed above, I’m kinda partial to LUNACY
The only thing more maddening than their behavior is when The Geniuses (again plural because they’re all the same just with different names) defend them and swear their intentions were heartfelt and genuine. PUKE
N,
What’s not to love?
Asininity is my #1…at this time…subject to change. My goodness, is that not a perfect smattering of words? Thanks for making me laugh, N. You rock.
Love yourself,
Cleo
OMG — the tshirt was a clueless gift from a clueless woman. In what universe would anyone with a shred of common sense think that it would be ok/appropriate?
I would talk with the Genius and state that if HDC feels the need to give the boys presents, the gifts can stay at G’s house. Just because you are making peace with the situation and with yourself, does not give G or HDC the right to think what they have done is ‘ok’. Unfortunately, I think both of them are so completely immune to empathy that they won’t see it, so you’ll just have to make it a ground rule (lol – or offer to start sending her children gifts — sorry that was petty heehee)
Keep up your amazing work.
K,
It’s a head-shaker, for sure. I am so grateful I had 10 days of beauty to prepare me for Operation T-shirt. As I held up the shirt I thought of Whitney and Mono Lake and Yosemite and felt, ‘This is completely insignificant. This is not my issue. This is a manifestation of someone’s dis-ease.’
I wish them well… And you, m’lady…so grateful you are here.
Love yourself,
Cleo
Kittens,
I had to post this one by The Genius. He is right – I recall speaking to the Tall Dude who mentioned he got a t-shirt. I don’t recall him saying who gave it to him. If he did tell me The Happy Dance Chick gave him a Mt. Whitney t-shirt then The Genius is right. But, rest assured, I didn’t actually absorb the information until I held the t-shirt in my hands and processed what it meant which was upon my return from Whitney.
That said, what difference does it make when I learned of the innocent hand-me-down? It makes no difference. The essemtail facts of Operation T-shirt remain the same.
Love yourself,
Cleo
Hate to tell you Genius but inappropriate is inappropriate no
matter what the time of discovery is.
N,
I will let your comment stand on its own.
Love yourself,
Cleo
Way to deflect the real issue, Genius. His moniker really does suit him perfectly. Although I suspect he is all too aware of what he is doing but just can’t help himself. He is, unfortunately, not unique.
But you so are a rare and beautiful gem. F the both of them. It’s clear that they deserve each other. Maybe they get to trade off the shared brain cell every so often.
You do not need any of their issues and good for you for being able to let it go.
-A
M,
I’ll let your comment stand on its own.
Thank you for your kind words.
Love yourself,
Cleo
I’m back.
Geez — what an angry, uncalled for comment from The Genius. Please take it down, his negativity is toxic.
Since he is reading.. .. Ditto your response to him. The timeline of the tshirt does NOT change the inappropriateness of the gift. I told you he (and she) would be clueless.
K,
I felt compelled to post it because I wanted to be honest about remembering the Tall Dude saying something about a t-shirt, but it didn’t hit home until I held it. I honestly forgot about our conversation, which did happen before I climbed Whitney.
I appreciate you taking the time to comment.
Love yourself,
Cleo
Cleo, please feel free to not post this comment as I know you are careful to avoid making this blog about Genius bashing,but I find it very ironic that the same person who remorselessly lied to you for four years is now accusingyou of ”twisting” facts?!? It would be funny if it wasn’t so pathetic and empty mined, which was my favorite synonym.
M,
I’ll let your comment stand on its own.
Love yourself,
Cleo
MLP here from sunny SA and the only place so far I have been able to get a signal is a farm in the middle of nowhere.
genius, are you familiar with the concept of hypocrisy… You are clearly unfamiliar with the virtues of integrity, respect and self worth…so in a way, I have the answer to that question.
Let’s be clear…you do not get to make the judgements you have in your little vent fest…you are also lacking in the grammer department but lest I be petty, let me try to make my point. You betray your wife, break your family…set an appalling example for your sons (as a role model you are found wanting) and then react as though your adulterous partners gesture was honourable!
You use the words twist etc to judge Cleo’s comments yet you, the person ultimately responsible for this mess once again project blame to the one person who loved you (albeit not to your standards, but we see why that is…she is so out of your league) you do not have the right!!!
Understand this very simple notion, you chose to commit adultery, you chose to lie, you chose to deceive. This is the nature of who you are…you are in no position to accuse anyone of twisting words to suit their own agenda.
The gall of it. I am not sure if C has ever had so many responses to a post (which should be an indicator to you of the power of her insights) but understand this. The supporters on this site know her position, we empathise because we have been there. C shares her life with us her way because she needs to heal, and you my dear broken insensitive man child need to accept that you put yourself in this position…she did not. Angry, hell yes I am…but more saddened by your disposition on this. Try to understand just for once, what it would feel like to be treated the way you treated C. What healing choice would you have made? Try please for your sake and the boys to find a level of compassion for what you have put another human being through and never forget…she loved you! You left her.
MLP
M,
Thank you for taking the time to comment. I will let your words sing for themselves.
Love yourself,
Cleo
Wow – there are so many great posts on the G’s comments I have nothing to add. At this point he and the HDC have done so many appalling, insensitive things (not divorce right now for tax reasons? really?) I think it’s clear the universe was looking out for Cleo by extracting her and her children from such a sad situation. You deserve so much better Cleo and I know your boys do too. Forgive me but I have to say it, the Genius is an absolute sh*t bag
D,
Thank you, m’lady. I deserve to love myself and the dudes fully, and I am thrilled to report that I do. I also know that it is my responsibility to love myself. I am so grateful for this past year for it taught me that, and am looking forward to a crazy magical 2013. We have much to accomplish! There’s no stopping, no going backwards…right here, right now with all the love in the world.
Thank you for being here and for taking the time to comment.
Love yourself,
Cleo
Just saying, even though it’s petty, the fact that HDC is a total dunce makes that little itty part of your story even better. It’s a true testament to the genius of the Genius. And as your readers, I think we all get a kick out of it.
Of course, it is YOU, your achievements, and your talent to remind us of how beautiful this universe is, that makes you stand out, and impresses us. It’s just a nice coincidence that the indirect result is that your awesomeness makes those certain members of the supporting cast appear that much more nitwitted, dippy, and inept. Being incredible is the best revenge, even though I know that is not what you are looking for, its still satisfying for me as your reader to see it happening anyways, and to see karma kicking the perpetrators squarely in the butt.
N,
Wow. Thank you so much for your massively kind words. I’m really moved.
“Of course, it is YOU…” Your comment reminded me of how important it is to be authentic. To be YOU. It seems so absurdly simple, right? But for me it’s a challenge. That nudge came at the most perfect time. Thank you!
So grateful you are here…
Love yourself,
Cleo
I giggled at your title for this blog…the imbecility and boobishness of some people. I also like dull of mind, and nertz. Will have to remember these in my own future blogs about people who perform grand acts of asininity. Lord knows I will have them.
Love, love, love your swim recount. I held my breath while reading you were maneuvering around ocean-life, large chains and sailboats, while my biggest obstacles in our lakes are fanwort and hydrilla (bad enough, ew). Plus I keep feeling the ccccold water you must be slogging through and don’t envy that either. Good job on your miler.
I found some great goggles that were allegedly “made for women”, as our delicate faces need different shaped padding to hold them tight. They have worked mighty fine in my OWS all summer. Brand is: Selene. Model: View. If you have trouble finding them, I’d be happy to give you the store’s number and they can ship them to you! I am hooked on these!
What herbal tonics do you take for nutrition?
T,
Perfect timing! I need new goggles. Hopefully the Sports Basement will carry these. Thank you for the tip.
I am smitten with Dragon Herbs, the store – both online and in Santa Monica, CA. They have the most amazing tonics. I use Gecko Rockclimber for high-intensity workouts and deep recoveries, and for daily use, Goji and Schizandra Drops in my Longevity tea. The tea is amazing. BEST ever. The drops make my skin glow, the whites of my eyes whiter, and they make me feel strong inside. I’m not much for taking supplements, can never remember to do so, but I take these faithfully. They will do a free phone consultation with you and REALLY know their stuff. With so much to chose from it’s really crucial to talk to them for guidance.http://www.dragonherbs.com
Nertz. What a perfect combination of letters, no? I could read that list a hundred times and still roll with laughter.
Love yourself,
Cleo
Thank ya! Will check out dragon herbs!
Hi Cleo,
Haven’t written in a while, but have followed you every step of the way. Kudos to you for rising above the asshat maneuver of The HDC. I tried putting myself in your shoes, and my first thought was that she gave The Tall Dude the shirt because she was being callous and manipulative. But, then, I put myself in her shoes, and imagined that your boys probably spoke so proudly about what you were doing, and I imagined that she saw such admiration in their eyes. And, because she was already coming from behind the starting line (for obvious reasons), she wanted to show them that she was supportive of their love for you by saying, “Hey! I also have a connection with Mt. Whitney! Here! See?!” Granted, there was likely some feeling of competition with you to some degree, but if there’s only one person competing, it’s not really a game, is it? It almost makes me feel sorry for you. And, to me, it makes your achievement that much more glorious. That your success is so personal that the t-shirt can’t take away from it.
I’m proud that, when faced with the options, you always take the high road — for the sake of yourself and your family. I think that if you continue to do so, you will always find yourself on top of the mountain. Have faith that you are teaching your boys great lessons that they will take with them into adulthood. So proud of you, Cleo. So very proud.
Christine
OH! Duh — “It almost makes me feel sorry for HER,” not you. Oopsie.
C,
…I wanna hug…you are so very sweet. Thank you for your kind words.
And I really appreciate you taking the time to see Operation T-shirt from both sides.
Climbing Whitney has left me with the sensation that I have a mountain inside of me. I’m totally serious. I feel taller, more solid. I know have stamina. I can do big, challenging things. It feels really good to say that.
I can’t wait to decide what my next physical challenge will be. But right now I’m deliciously immersed in being Mommy.
Thank you for being here, C.
Love yourself,
Cleo
C
You could always come sand boarding with me next year in the Namibian desert?.. Hikes in Etosha, may be a little flat for you but hey…still unique. Maybe Kilimanjaro?? Btw that one I will do the vicarious thing…happy to join you in Tanzania, but not happening on the mountain climbing lark. Soooooo many thing for you to choose from!
What about a global kitten tour? I bet you now have kittens scattered across the Blue marble. We’ll host you and you can climb a mountain/hill in each country…think big C!!!
MLP
M,
You place before me a challenge I cannot resist. I will get you on Kilimanjaro. You, me and every member of the Parlotones. Or at least Kahn. He’s delish. But then I might be too distracted.
The global tour sounds amazing! I’ll have to get you all kitten shirts. Blow a kiss to the setting sun as it warms South Africa.
Love yourself,
Cleo
First of all, congratulations on climbing Mt. Whitney–it’s a major accomplishment. Your descriptions of the Eastern Sierras made me long for a trip there. I’ve hiked many of the trails around Mammoth Lakes and it is nature at its most stunningly beautiful.
As I finished this post it hit me, “oh duh, Miss Happy Dance is reading your blog too”. It’s amusing that she’s curious about you and probably wondering why you’d dump the wife cheating Genius. She should love herself better and dump him too.
M,
Thank you, m’lady. How fun is Mammoth Lakes? I can’t wait to take the boys there. Maybe one day a romantic getaway, too? It certainly has all the trappings for that. You breath heavy just by being there!
What makes you think she’s reading HGM? I don’t think so…but anything is possible.
“She should love herself better and dump him too.” After pondering this latest post I still can’t understand how someone can love a person who is capable of such deceit. But when they’re both capable I suppose it makes for a good pairing, depending on your definition of good. I’m very grateful that my future relationships will not have that baggage.
Thank you for taking the time to comment, M. So good to see you here…
Love yourself,
Cleo
Oh trust me…she’s reading it…not a doubt in my mind!!! My HDC stalks my Facebook page–they want to see what their Genius found attractive in you and I know mine mimics me (I eat gluten free, she suddenly eats gluten free, I take up running, she takes up running etc…) Guess imitation still is the truest form of flattery lol
N,
Well, we know The Genius is reading it. Why I don’t know. For all the times he tells me to move on you might think he’d take his own advice.
Love yourself,
Cleo
Oh snap, lol. Yeah, he should move on. He had no trouble doing that for four years WHILE HE WAS STILL MARRIED WITH CHILDREN.
Oh, and it’s “ring very true”, Genius. Not wring.
C,
Love yourself,
Cleo
Cleo,
I was happily reading along your post then suddenly in the middle of it, the shock of the t-shirt was like finding a ‘poop’ in the middle of a fine dining table.
Boom went my heart-I felt things for you that I haven’t felt for myself dealing with my ex’s side piece. I really had a long think about that last night.
The outrage I felt was the tightly sealed pot in my heart. That pot contains-the haircut she gave my son without asking, the school bag she had to pick up because it was on sale and wasn’t that great? The fact that she runs into me in the streets of Jerusalem so frequently it is starting to seem more than purposeful. That damn pot is full and your t-shirt story blew the lid off of it. I was so angry last night, I cried furious tears for almost an hour before I wore myself out.
I hoped I had got it out of my system. I think I may be getting exhausted by my own ‘taking the high road’ that damn road is steep.
I wanted to reread your words of calmness in the face of adversity this morning to get a better handle on myself before I started my day and then it happened AGAIN!
The Genius reading your blog, ‘wring’ in the wrong context, trying to shame you in front of us, his indignation, that TONE. My heart hurt for you all over again.
Those burning hot tears fairly shot out of my eyes. At least my ex has the decency to be kind to my face. Snort.
You having to swim around an anchor was not a mistake, G-d was showing you that you are an anchor for so many of us.
Once again Cleo, you are helping me to wipe off some of this muck I’ve got myself drowning in, I wish you always the best.
x
L,
How amazing is our experience here? On the planet? You, in Jerusalem, me in Marin. Shared stories, shared tears. Shed for those we have not met. If only I could pop over and hug you.
Please don’t hurt for me. Let’s celebrate each graceful, honest, and optimistic step we take through this mucky situation. Our life will continue to unveil itself, and I see beauty for us both.
Thank you so much for feeling our shared pain. I feel stronger knowing you are here. I hope I can continue to do the same for you.
Tonight I will watch the moon rise and think of you.
Love yourself,
Cleo
Hey Cleo;
I commented a few months back when the overwhelming need to say “sweet Jesus” came across my keyboard. Now I have an overwhelming need to write to you again. I was almost getting angry at you with all these posts about moving onwards and upwards. I couldn’t figure out for the life of me why you were letting the Genius get away with it all, why you weren’t more angry and vindictive. All I thought was “if that was me I would have him by the hairs on his _____” i was hoping to see one post that had “and then he was heeping pile of tears/regret/begging for forgivness” somewhere in the text. Then with this post and the last one I have to say I get it. Everything clicked. You really are a shining example of how to make a mudpie into decadent dessert. All of the encounters, the steps, the strokes the tears. Ms Cleo you have made a believer in me. I believe that your boys will undoubtably know that their mom is a strong, accomplished and unbeatable woman who demands to be treated with respect. I believe nature really has a path for you and she is paving it one stone at a time. HDC needed to give your boy the shirt because she is grasping at straws with how to connect with him (im in complete agreement with the previous comment about seeing it from both sides) The tee totally should of stayed at their dads place but none the less c’est la vie. For what it’s worth I’m proud of you Cleo xoxo
D,
Thank you so much for taking the time to comment. I feel like celebrating after reading your words! There’s no fluff here – I am truly trying to make the best of an ugly, devastating situation. These past several months have been the single greatest learning experience of my life. Hands down. Your words show me that I am achieving what I set out to achieve. This experience will not bring me down. Au contraire…it has illuminated my path, showing me beauty I never saw before and leading me to fall in love with myself.
To know you are proud is so very meaningful to me. The support of you and every other kitten here is crucial. I am SO very grateful to have you here. Stay close…
Love yourself,
Cleo
Wow so powerful from post to every comment ! What a driving force u are !! And clearly we are an awesome team that has assembled here – thank you for that and thank you for your grace – love you my/our captain you have acquired quite a good crew!
C,
I bow to each and every one of you. Team HGM! Do you have any idea how precious you all are to me? Tonight I will gaze on the moon and wish that all your dreams come true. Thank you, C. I adore you.
Love yourself,
Cleo
Btw my fav is still “insufferable” dick & it can be applied to both male & female!
C,
Simply hilarious. If I ever need to manufacture a laugh I will pull out that list. And add to it!
Love yourself,
Cleo
I am wondering if HDC is truly so clueless about appropriate boundaries that she thought she was doing a kindness by giving the Tall Dude that shirt. Whether her intentions were kind or passive aggressive, however, totally inappropriate move on her part. As was The Genius’ poorly written attempt to shame you.
Years ago, when I had my own HDC experience, I also made the concerted effort to rise above. I know how hard the road that you have chosen is, but it truly is so much better for the soul.
M,
Ah, boundaries. I have made some progress there, and it truly feels empowering.
To participate in four years of deceit suggests that the HDC has some learning still to do when it comes to boundaries.
“Years ago, when I had my own HDC experience, I also made the concerted effort to rise above. I know how hard the road that you have chosen is, but it truly is so much better for the soul.” The rewards of taking the high road far outweigh the effort required. With your support I can remain on this path. Thank you, M. I adore having you here.
Love yourself,
Cleo
She’s not stupid. Well she is, but giving the t-shirt to tall dude was not “stupid” or “insensitive” on her part. It was calculated and deliberate.
She knew perfectly good and well that you had been training for this climb (and what an accomplishment it would be, and how proud the boys would be). So she had to insert herself in the only pathetic way she could. It’s a cultural cliche, right? “My parents went to (fill in the blank) and all I got was this lousy t-shirt”. Only in her case, my lying, cheating, married scumbag of an affair partner’s WIFE is actually doing something real – and the only way I can compete/insert myself in the situation is to give his kid a t-shirt. And a used one at that! How appropriate – she gets a “used” husband, and gives his kid a used t-shirt.
Frankly, you should be laughing, but I know how painful it is. The truth is that these affair partners know they aren’t “all that”, and it’s amazing how often they try to imitate the spouse that was left behind. I know the HDC in my life loved to write about how she was “getting in shape” by walking (I do Crossfit) and loved to critique my dress, style, etc. While always copying it. It is sad, really.
They are broken people, while you are anything but broken. This too shall pass, and you are obviously coming out way ahead in both the mental and physical healing departments. You are an inspiration. Don’t let the gnat otherwise known as HDC, nor the comments of the genius (which he SO is not) detract for a moment from your accomplishments. I hope your divorce is proceeding quickly and you will be detached from him legally as soon as possible. Very soon – your life is so much better without him. Keep posting, we hang on every one!
M,
Thank you so much for taking the time to comment and so eloquently! I really do mean that. Yes, the eloquently part. But really I’m grateful for the supportive words. The kind words.
“Frankly, you should be laughing, but I know how painful it is.” I actually have laughed. Maybe chuckled is a more descriptive word. Operation T-shirt seems pretty transparent. I’d like to give the benefit of the doubt, but I feel we can all see what went down. A shake of the head seems to suffice in this instance. The boys and I are an amazing team. The Happy Dance Chick will have her own relationship with them.
The two will never compare.
Mc to the J squared, I am so grateful for your loyalty. Knowing that you come back to see how I’m doing means the world to me. I’ve said it before, and will continue in my efforts to try to express how you kittens have been so instrumental in my growth. I remain present in the moment because of you. I want to make you proud. And I want us to have a good laugh with a great group of friends along the way. So glad you’re here…
Love yourself,
Cleo
You’ve GOT to let us know when HDC starts her own blog, K?
H,
You’ve got my word. But it has to be a group read. We’ll do it over skype.
Love yourself,
Cleo
Calculating. I’m thinking about the word calculating. And how the cheating husbands and their affair partners all seem to be a text book case. As I was reading the last bunch of comments, I read how Nicole said “The Geniuses (again plural because they’re all the same just with different names) defend them and swear their intentions were heartfelt and genuine. PUKE.” I think back to how his train wreck told me that the thing my husband’s 3 other women had in common was that they were all successful woman. Inferring that I am not. That was just mean. At the time, in shock, I was destroyed by this. Believing her. I’m sure he would say she didn’t mean that… that she was trying to – oh I can’t even come up with a plausible explanation. I’ll leave it there. Just mean. But I gave him so much more credit than that. I still do. I really must stop. Thank you for the insight into how damaged THEY are. But also, how caught up in each other they are. There is no turning back.
P,
I’m so grateful for everyone’s insight as well. Can’t see the forest for the trees is an apt phrase for what we all experience as we try to wade our way through the muck of betrayal, infidelity.
Interesting…they were all successful. Well then, why play second fiddle? Why, when there are so many amazing beings roaming the planet, chose one who isn’t available? Emotionally, physically, spiritually. I sniff desperation in that comment. Some way to justify being with a man who clearly has no conscience. Who would want that?
Not me, not us. Perhaps when we happily walk away, albeit with pain, the affair partners start to sweat a bit…Why, whatever did I get myself into? Maybe that’s what goes through their hearts.
It’s all so dysfunctional. I’m uber relieved to be free. Thank you for taking the time to comment. It helps me to process all that is going on. I’m very grateful for your presence here. Rock on.
Love yourself,
Cleo
Patty–when my ex left me for his HDC, I found a message board full of other “left women” and I was SHOCKED by how similar all our stories were! How almost all the ex’s said things like “I don’t know if I ever really loved you” or “she gets me in ways you never did” or “for once I’m going to do something for myself” and on and on and on! It’s like they are all reading from the same script. And then the HDC’s…they also act very similar. Becoming almost obsessed with us and “copying” us. Trying in vain to win our children over and doing things they know will piss us off (cutting our kids hair or taking them to a movie we had planned to take them to. Or in my case, buying them things she knows I can’t afford anymore now that she moved in and took everything that was mine that he and I worked hard for for the past 16 years.
It does amaze me that perfect strangers who have never met each other can go through the same exact motions and behave in the same exact ways! At least it makes it easier for us allot figure them out since we’ve all pretty much experienced the same things in this horrible but empowering journey!
N,
“…horrible but empowering journey!” Empowering. So very. Which is why this journey is such a gift. It’s rich with opportunities for growth, insight and the joy that comes from making the right choices in life. Choosing to live a present, compassionate, vulnerable and loving life. That is pure joy.
I’m not surprised by the commonalities found in those who engage in affairs. It’s not unlike a classroom setting. Some students get the point of the lecture and others don’t, often for the same reasons. Both go out in the world when class is dismissed. Some put into practice what they’ve learned and succeed. Others fail.
If I was walking along Limantour beach and found a bottle, rubbed it, and out popped a genie, well, I’d die laughing. But before I croaked, I’d ask the Genie to eliminate infidelity. How? He’d cast a spell that would insure anyone who is about to stray immediately sits their spouse down and says, I’m about to cheat on you. We need to determine if we should remain married.
Done.
It’s just madness that we can’t get this right.
Whew…I’m all feisty now. Thank you. Feels good. So grateful you took the time to comment.
Love yourself,
Cleo
“anyone who is about to stray immediately sits their spouse down and says, I’m about to cheat on you. We need to determine if we should remain married.”
DANG, that would be brilliant! Why isn’t it possible? The secret is more titillating than the truth? Just say it and part ways. Infidelity eradicated!
T,
It takes gonads to have that conversation. And, I believe that in most cases the spouse who cheats doesn’t want their marriage to end. They just want to feel important, in a dark, selfish kind of way.
A man, a woman would have that conversation. A coward would not.
Love yourself,
Cleo
Count me in as a card carrying member of Team HGM! I got my own version of the pocket call very recently. What’s interesting–and I’m sure no accident–is that I had been following your blog very closely for about a month now. I first discovered it when I googled for how to spend your anniversary while divorcing (loved what you did, BTW). I was immediately riveted. I read every single post right away until I was caught up and have looked forward to each post since.
Even though I want, and initiated, the divorce talks, I didn’t want it to go down like this with an affair discovery. No one would, I’m sure. Naturally, I’m not perfect either, but I can honestly say I never intentionally try to hurt people–much less someone who has supported me for 20 years and gave me my children. Of course, my “genius” blamed it on me too, and he told me he “wasn’t trying to hide anything.”
Cleo, like your other kittens, I want to express how grateful I am to you for setting the tone for me as to how I handle my divorce, children, independence, and any “operation t-shirt” antics I may have in my future. I have also been on my own self-discovery journey after another painful event that happened in my life around the same time you launched this blog (the loss of someone very important to me whom I believed would be by my side through all this). So, even though this solo-flying is very difficult, I do feel somewhat ahead of the game in the wake of this discovery, and I do know I’ll be fine and better for it in the end.
Last April, I did an incredible six-mile hike in Colorado. I hadn’t done something that before and wasn’t sure what I was capable of. That experience makes me able to relate somewhat to what you gain from your literal climbs and descents, and I’m aiming to make it a bigger priority to take care of myself the way you do. I feel that getting out of my comfort zone will allow me to have more encounters. I’ve already had a few amazing ones, even very brief, that touched me deeply. This makes me excited and more open to what life has in store for me. It makes me want to pay attention and be more in the moment, which is something I need to work on. I want to keep an open heart and open eyes, and you have inspired me to do that.
Thank you doesn’t seem adequate for the devotion you have put into this project, and I’m happy you also derive so much from it. You are an amazing person and a truly gifted writer. I hope you will publish this in Kindle form so we can re-read offline. It would make a great book, and if I were a publisher, I’d give you a contract with a huge advance!
K,
So much to love in your comment! Thank you for taking the time to share with us. Your words are so very kind and uplifting.
I’m most excited by your recognition of the importance of encounters. To me, encounters are the most magical happenings in life. Sometimes I feel as if I’m being handed from one beautiful soul to another who gently set me down back on my path, leaving me satiated, pondering, loving life.
Like attracts like…you can thank MLP for that little physics lesson. Staying fully present and eternally grateful draws to me the most amazing, spirited people. Like you, m’lady.
Setting the tone…I love that. Perfect description of what I aim to do. Set the tone for me so I can be in this muck with grace, compassion, love and laughter. All wrapped up in sensuality. I’m so grateful that tone resonates with you.
Gifted writer…oh, wow, K. Thank you. I will treat this gift with respect. It brings me such joy. I will never, ever stop.
Stay close…it’s a true pleasure to have you here.
Love yourself,
Cleo
I know it agitated you at first so I feel bad for finding it funny, but: come on! “My mom climbed the mountain and all you gave me is this stupid used t-shirt?” Hee! That would have been my reaction at his age. (But I was a brat and your kids sound classy, so…) Lame move on her part. (I would point out that trust is earned, not given. Anyone that thinks you don’t have every reason to see that as a calculated move to score points while getting a dig at you is delusional.) T-shirts don’t stack up to Mom’s awesome stories of mountain-climbing. Those little guys will brag about how their mother climbed a MOUNTAIN and any souvenirs you give them will be treasured for the rest of their lives.
I feel so bad for your sister! God there are few things in this world I hate more than throwing up. I will do anything to avoid it, even swallowing the bile. I hope she recovered swiftly.
The bay! The bay! You describe it so well, so vividly, I always feel like I’m right there with you. Floating on the surface, feeling the air on my skin, dodging boats, getting a horrible cramp in my leg…..must be a sympathy cramp
I can’t believe that you’re in the bay so soon after Whitney! *I’d* do a spa weekend, and then a full week of relaxation before going to the bay. *You* go swimming where there might be sharks. (You aren’t helping dispel the myth that redheads are crazy! LOL!) I’m so impressed that you set these amazing goals and work so hard to accomplish them all while being such a loving and attentive mother. Here’s hoping your boys inherit your way with words and obstacles of all kind! And that one day you’re giving them tips in the bay or summiting a mountain with them.
E,
Thank you so much for taking the time to comment. I don’t know you, but I can hear your voice as I read your words! I bet if we had a phone conversation we would cover 10 topics in 3 minutes. And feel completely fulfilled.
I’d take a bay swim over an ocean swim any day. But as you’ve pointed out, my magic may just lie in the lakes. The cold ones, high in the mountains.
Lastly, because who can avoid commenting on hurling…I was just talking about this with a friend. He used to be like me; do absolutely anything to avoid coughing it up. But now he says it’s not that bad and he’d rather get it over with. I am so not there. I can accept a lot of things in life, but being okay with throwing up is not one of them.
Love yourself,
Cleo