Order in the Court of Co-Parenting

 

Hear ye, hear ye!  Better to co-parent than grow old like this!

The courtroom is dark. It’s more a theater than a hall of justice. Two podiums are on the stage. Both illuminated from above. The seats are all empty except for one right up front. In it sits my Heart. From here she doesn’t look so bad. I would have expected less perfect specimen and more chum-like. As if she had been dragged behind one of those trawlers that guard the coastline off Bolinas and Stinson on the overnight, tempting salmon with their baited hooks. Hooks baited with my Heart.

Behind the podium to my right is my Ego. She tips forward as if the weight of everyone else in the world has been placed on her shoulders. If the podium wasn’t there she might just fall right over. She appears to be in control, but she’s one thinly veiled statement designed to make her look bad away from a mashup of Uma Thurman and Carrie. She wishes it was different, but she doesn’t want anything to change. Because change might mean all this gets nice and calm and smooth and all figured out.

And that would mean she had nothing to do. Nothing to win. No one to prove wrong. No tiara to snatch for being right, or better or best.

She doesn’t do no drama well. No drama means she can’t have the world swirl around her. It means she has no one to point fingers at. It means she has to hand over the reins to my Soul. And that isn’t going to happen without a battle.

She just spilled her water and got pissed.

At the water.

To the left is my Soul. She is patiently waiting her turn and has been for centuries. Patience comes as naturally to her as to the spider who spins web after web, knowing each will soon collapse. My Soul never complains when I take steps back and then claw my way forward. And the spider never throws up all eight hands and says, That’s IT! No more WEB!

They both remain present in the moment with no chatty Ego stirring up trouble and calmly go about their day without injecting angst or drama into the magic of life. Because they dig the magic. Way more than they dig the drama.

It seems as if my Ego could take a three-point stance and launch herself at my Soul and she wouldn’t flinch. Not smile, gloat or otherwise mock the Ego. She would just be. Actually, she’d probably catch her and gently put her down. Then turn to my Heart and say, Let’s begin, shall we?

We shall.

My Heart: We’re here today to talk about co-parenting. We’ve all got skin in this game. My goal is to determine who is best suited to lead the efforts so that the Tall Dude and the Little Dude can live in peace and benefit from the lessons learned by their parents, and we can continue evolving emotionally and spiritually.

My Ego: Where does that leave me?!

My Heart: Put the glass down and relax. We’re not killing you off! But I’m sure it feels like it. Look, it’s been thousands of years since you’ve been at the helm. Sometimes leadership needs to step down. This may be your time. You could take up golf, yarn-bombing, Crossfit. The options are limitless.

My Soul: May I?

My Ego turned her big head but her tilted body didn’t budge. My Heart nodded.

My Soul: Change is happening on so many levels, so quickly now. It’s hard to remain balanced in the midst of such upheaval. One way we can help our cause, which is the wellbeing of not just The Dudes, but of all of us, is to recognize that we are ASKING for changes and being rewarded with changes. We’re ready for it. The status quo is really just choosing mediocrity out of fear instead of choosing change buoyed by our courage.

My Ego: Mediocrity? Never! It’s about doing what’s right. I cannot interact with someone I cannot trust. I cannot communicate with someone who is unpredictable and angry. I want nothing to do with him. I’m not required to deal with him. Would you want to spend time with someone who lied to you for years with zero conscience? Would you want to ‘co’ anything with someone who broke a contract, thoughtlessly carried on without regard for his family and then blamed you for it?

My Heart: You may want to pour that water on your head so you don’t detonate.

My Soul: What if you asked for him to do all those things so that you could shine brighter than ever before? Just something to consider… But in the meantime we need to co-parent these children with, forgive me Ego, Heart and Soul. I know that hurts, but there’s no other way. It means that we cannot judge him, resent him, label him, or attach anything in the past to the present him. Things you are really quite exceptional at doing.

My Ego: But he hasn’t changed!

My Soul: You’re judging.

My Ego: But he isn’t trustworthy!

My Soul: You’re labeling.

My Ego: But he lied to me, to ALL OF US, for years!

My Soul: We gain nothing by living in the past.

My Ego: Listen Soul Sister, I gain everything by righting the past. I makeover life to be what it should have been all along. Perfect. No bad guys or broken promises. That can’t happen to me! I make people pay for their wrongs. Over and over until I’m satisfied they’ve paid enough. Just in case you’re wondering, that takes more than one lifetime. So sit back. I’ve got lots more to do here.

My Soul: Maybe Crossfit isn’t what you need, but that yarn-bombing thing is badass. Seriously. You could make SO much right again if you threw yourself into it. Regardless, trying to move opposite the emotional and spiritual evolution that is taking place here is a fruitless and painful endeavor. You’d be better off chewing nails while standing in water with your fingers shoved in 10 power outlets. I’m not kidding. It will be that painful to fight this.

My Ego muttered something like ‘bring it’ but the color began to drain from her face.  

My Heart: Well, then what do you recommend we do? Om and hope for the best? Turn the other cheek? Let bygones be bygones?

My Soul: I’d like us to remember that we create our reality with our choices. So how about we choose to not judge. Even if he does. And we choose to not label, even if he does. And we choose to be as even as a glassy sea on the calmest of nights. That we speak from you, Heart, always. It’s not our job to be judge and jury but conscious creator. We meet whatever comes our way without the need to critique, label, defend or attach anything from the past to the present perfect moment. We don’t need to be the moral police. There are literally moral police, karma officers, if you will. Let them do their job and we get on with our life. In other words, we evolve. Increasing the vibration of our energy, which is the most natural and impenetrable of all boundaries. Dearest Ego, throughout time you have protected us, fought for us and truly want nothing but the best for us as long as it doesn’t mean your demise. We’re not going to kill you off. Just sit you down. We’ve got too much to do on this planet to hang around this issue anymore.

My Ego: Practically speaking, we’re still going to need to engage with him. To co-parent. Where do I fit in? I’m still in the band, right?

My Heart: Practically speaking, co-parenting should take up about an hour a week tops. The Dudes have two parents. Two households. Two ways of doing things, and that will never change. Nor should it. Each parent will make their choices. The idea of a united front is a bit Disney and not necessary. When divorce happens the cell of the marriage splits in two. Our mission is simple: In the moment make good choices. The Dudes are growing up in a two household family. That’s just a fact. Now let’s get on with the magic of having them here with us.

My Ego: So who wins?

My Soul: You are persistent, aren’t you?

I left the theater relieved. There’s drama if I dial up drama. If there is a co-parenting issue that cannot be resolved, I get all 3D and go to court. That’s a breeze unless I label it otherwise. I accept the outcome and get on with life, just as I did one week ago when the support was cleaved.

How many times have I said I can’t wait to be financially independent from him? Change happens because we state our needs and make our choices. In the 24 hours that wrapped around the release of the judge’s verdict on support, the Universe showered me with Earth Angels. Wheels began to turn. Ideas spring forth.

Magic happened.

And The Magician and Mr. Ellen DeGeneres were there to make sure I didn’t miss a moment of the enchantment that began on Halloween night.

Love yourself,

Cleo