In addition to my newly discovered love affair with drift wood, I am also mad about the wild animals that come to speak to me on my journeys around the hills of Marin and beyond. So, when the two worlds collided I was smitten.
I am blown away by the myriad of comments I received describing image after image that you discovered in this simple yet stunning piece of drift wood…things I never saw because I could only see one thing. And still, even after reading the detailed descriptions of what you saw, I can only see one thing.
No, it’s not a beautiful man, or a ruptured heart, or chocolate and peanut butter ice cream (I am having SUCH a craving!), but a bird. Specifically, a Falcon. His eye is perfectly created out of a thin circle ringing a dark pupil nearly dead center in the photo. Just under the darkened ‘eyebrow’. His feathers lay smooth against his neck, and his beak, fairly short yet powerful, extends to the left. His head feathers are ruffled and blown out, as if he just finished plummeting to earth at speeds up to 200 MPH to catch his prey – a frog, a fish, a mouse – stopping short with the wind rushing in around him. Falcons, when they are diving to kill, are the fastest animals on the planet.
I saw the image immediately upon encountering the tree piece of drift wood. I sat up on its smooth base where the roots curled and arced like a serpent and gazed at this stunning bird whose being was anything but wooden. We connected. Mr. Jackpot said I wouldn’t see him come the morning, after the wine buzz had worn off.
I saw him. Again and again. He’s been in my heart ever since.
I have never seen a Falcon in the wild. But somehow I knew that was the bird. It wasn’t a Hawk or an Eagle. It was 100% Falcon. Of that I was certain. I snapped a few pictures and thought nothing more than, Beautiful bird.
I wish just once I could feel what it is like to be a bird. Just once. Any more than that and I might choose never to revert back to my featherless form. I’m so grateful to have seen him. I felt like I was flying while I spent time with him.
I looked up the animal totem card for the Falcon. I’m not a daily animal totem card user, or even monthly. I should be. (One thing at a time…) But I do have what I would call a delicious relationship with wild animals. I have since I was a little girl. They seek me out and they stay close. They follow me and they guide me. Ones that should never stop to let a human pet them let me pet them. And I’m not afraid. Well, except for the arachnid variety. But I’m not really afraid of them anymore. I just don’t want to curl up and read a book with one nestled against my belly, me stroking his. So, when I learned of animal totem cards I began to refer to them after an animal encounter that would leave me pondering its meaning.
In my search I found this particular interpretation of the meaning behind an encounter with a Falcon:
“Falcon comes when you require higher vision and knowledge, being in a position to see everything, knowing when to fully commit and act, teaching how to ride the wind. Accompanies the soul back to the soul world, soul healing. The Falcon represents visionary power and leads you to your life purpose. The Falcon carries a message of transition and change.”
Um, Yes, yes, yes, yes, sounds good, cool, wow – that rocks, s…tuff is sure changing.
I’m pretty stoked I had such a meaningful connection with a Falcon. I could have had an encounter with a Trapdoor Spider (I am NOT googling this for you.), which carries this interpretation:
“Familiarity with Darkness. Waiting in the Dark. Ground-Weaving. An Insular Life. Agoraphobia. The Ancestor of Spiders. Earth Wisdom. Entrapment. Entanglement. Quick Reflexes. Patience. Timidity. Longevity. Connection to the Goddess. Connection to Underworld Deities. The Underworld. Secret Places. Escape Routes. Self-Protection. The Threshold and Doorways.”
Yea. That wouldn’t resonate at all.
I didn’t have to ponder the appearance of the Falcon much. It is an affirmation that I am perfectly on path. That there is a reason for all that is happening in my life, and a reason for this blog. It’s here that I am able to create sense out of the beautiful punk rock noise of my life. I’m in the midst of a process that will culminate in the “understanding of my life purpose”, of that I am certain.
But one thing that caused me to pause was when I made connection between the sheer power of the Falcon when he goes in for the kill, and how I would behave when The Genius and I got into a row. I have a way with words. That is a trait that I have left behind. I would imagine most writers, given our love of words, can craft a stinging barb (with an intellectual bent, which is so annoying) and throw it like Nolan Ryan. I’ve had a history of fast pitches myself, with less strikes, but more throws than I’d like. It’s the Falcon’s job to do that now. Not mine. I can leave that in his talons.
I’m taking myself on a date Friday night. My open water swim was postponed so I’m going to hit the pool and see if I can do a mile. Cue snickering… And then go out for dinner. I’m looking forward to the spirited conversation. We have a lot to catch up on. I’ll catch you up on Saturday.
Love yourself,
Cleo
L,
Thank you for taking the time to comment and share the Sutro Baths! I have not been. I’ll tie that into a sunset viewing and hope that the Falcons join me. Or an owl. I’m really looking forward to my first west coast owl sighting.
The bay area is such a magical place to live. I’m so grateful to have the opportunity to be here at this particular time in my journey. I sought out nature and she has clearly been kind enough to hold my hand as I walk, trip, skip and run along my path. I couldn’t do it without her, or without you.
Love yourself,
Cleo
Not sure if you’re a Facebook user or not, but being the parent of a teenage daughter I felt it wise to get my own FB account and ‘friend’ my daughter so I keep tabs on what she was posting and friending, etc. I also happen to ‘like’ Yosemite National Park on FB and enjoy reading their posts and viewing their pictures. Guess what YNP posted on their FB page today? A picture of a peregrine falcon nest in the Tuolumne Meadows area… with chicks! I couldn’t NOT share with you.
L,
Thank you for sharing this! I was not aware of the YNP FB page. It’s a nice way to feel like I am there.
Love yourself,
Cleo
I can’t see the forest for the trees….and I seem to be inept at seeing anything in driftwood, either. Your blog continues to be riveting, and I enjoy vicariously going on your journey. You are a magnificent person, and I hope for you to learn so much that you will be even more so, as time goes by. Success! and “love yourself,” too.
S,
Thank you so much for your kind words. I needed them. Feeling a little upended these past few days and trying to get to the bottom of it. I’m on my way. Flapping my wings as I go. Stay close…
Love yourself,
Cleo
Although I don’t nearly commune with nature as much as you do, not a hiker, not outdoorsy, other than sitting at a sidewalk cafe enjoying a latte or a nice chablis, I do think nature has amazing restorative and healing powers. If nothing else it gives a break from immediate problems that break helps to give perspective to things. You are very lucky that you have the time to go hiking and be at one with the beauty that is all around so often. Treasure that. Many women out there going through similar experiences don’t have those luxuries.
Not sure if you take requests and I know your blog is about your journey, but if I may make a request, I’d love to hear more about the practical side of your life, as right now it just seems like one hike and vacation after another. I know of course the view we get is two dimensional so that what we see isn’t your entire life and of course I don’t want to pry but I know all the hikes. spiders and blue marbles would come to life much more if once in a while you threw in how you couldn’t find your keys and whatnot.
D,
Your request is as timely as K’s comments. I am so grateful that I have the opportunity to hike, and these days with The Genius on the road, hit the gym. For me, it is crucial to my well-being. Crucial isn’t even a strong enough word. I wouldn’t be able to keep my s…tuff together if it weren’t for my workouts. If I had to pace my hallway because I couldn’t afford the gym anymore I would do it.
I’ll be forever grateful that I moved to Marin when I did. As they say, it’s been a game-changer.
I’m off to finish my post, which of course answers your request, because that’s what being in sync is all about.
Thank you, D.
Love yourself,
Cleo
Cleo, my dear, no matter which end is up, you are still flying more on an even keel than most!
Keep your heart pointed in the direction you seem more comfortable in and just fly, baby, fly!! Be true to oneself – the key word here is “true” and you will never go down, always up, up and away. It has been M A N Y decades since I have read “Jonathon Livingston Seagull” but I have a strong desire to order that book from Amazon today. Maybe I should order two copies and start a movement to bring it back to a whole new generation!! You could have been the author but I am not sure that you were even on the blue marble back then – maybe barely.
Love you – keep up your great work.
R,
I am going to the library tomorrow for GLS. Thank you for the suggestion and for the kind words.
I think I need to go flying again…all those subtle suggestions in your comment have me desiring the cockpit again!
Love yourself,
Cleo
I see lots of Red Tail Hawks on my hikes in San Francisco, Angel Island and Bay Area. Occasionally you’ll see peregrines south of Market. There’s even a webcam of a peregrine falcon nest in the PG&E buildinghttp://www2.ucsc.edu/scpbrg/nestcameras.htm
Birds and hiking. Two of my favorite things. The Bay Area is indeed a lavish location for both. It’s hard to imagine anything that can have the power to make your spirit soar like climbing a hill and looking up to see a hawk just kiting on the wind. It seems we’re alike in that we both revel in the physical, spiritual and metaphysical awareness that comes from hiking, climbing and being surrounded by nature. It’s easy to transform the physical effort of climbing into a kind of spiritual and emotional workout. Instead of shying away from the challenges of a good climb I embrace it, and the reward that comes from reaching the top of a trail or mountain–no matter how high or difficult the climb–is not so much the view at the top but the awareness of yourself as the one perceiving the view. Add to that the majesty of a bird of prey soaring in the skies, or even a hummingbird darting around, it’s awesome and humbling at the same time.
I wish there were a better way to express it, words feel clumsy and trite when trying to describe the gestalt of physical, emotional and spiritual elation that comes from a good hike. Nature sure does have a way of putting the punctuation on it though.
More than reading the specifics of your own journey that you’re on with relation to your husband’s infidelity, I very much enjoy reading about the hikes, climbs and trips you take as you wrestle with the aftermath of the “pocket call” and I know we’re all on different journeys but I can absolutely relate to how well nature can provide the perfect backdrop for personal discovery and growth and with that in mind and for what it’s worth it reads like you’ve got this whole thing well more figured out than even you might recognize.
K,
The nest cam ROCKS! Thank you for sending the link to me.
“…and the reward that comes from reaching the top of a trail or mountain–no matter how high or difficult the climb–is not so much the view at the top but the awareness of yourself as the one perceiving the view.” So perfectly put. That’s what moves me. I see the view and I feel me and when I put it all together it’s magic.
I am really excited for the swim across the bay. I’ve spent so much time making tracks on land. It will be a whole different feeling to be in open water, making my way towards shore. I will be writing in my heart as my arms pull back the sea. I can’t wait to share it with you.
Thank you for taking the time to comment and for your beautifully written words. We both resonate with the shimmery power of Nature. Stay close…
Love yourself,
Cleo