Here’s a little game I play…Who in the world is doing the exact same thing as me at this exact point in time? I haven’t yet come up with a more concise name, but I have the rules down. Or rule, I should say. If I’m as close to certain as one can be (without being a total genie or clairvoyant) that I’m the only one doing that particular thing at that exact time then I win!
I’ve won twice, I believe, out of the hundreds of times I’ve played this game. Once when I had to plunge a toilet in a boutique hotel in Montreal because I ate WAY too much fondue the night before. You scoff, saying, “People plunge toilets all the time!” I agree. But not on a first overnight date. “Pulease,” you say. “Sure they do!”
But not with the dried flower arrangement taken from the vase sitting on the ledge of the corner soaking tub.
I win. And it worked. Double-fist pump, one jump in the air.
The second time was 8 weeks before I searched for the word LOVE in the Skype application of my husband’s computer. That day I bid farewell to him as he began a 2 month journey around the world for work. He needed to travel to Los Angeles for a business dinner and the next morning would depart for Eastern Europe. We hugged. We kissed. I didn’t cry so he wouldn’t feel bad about leaving his wife and two children (4 and 6) one week after moving into our new home, and the day before we closed on it. I had done it all before, I thought. And we were aiming to reduce his travel so we could spend more time together as a family. I thought of this trip as possibly his last long journey. I was ready to handle it like a pro.
He called after his business dinner. It had gone well. Plans were moving forward, the client was pleased with his work, and it seemed that they would begin a new project together that would help keep him off the road in 2012. He sounded a little tipsy. I thought that was unusual for a business dinner. But maybe it was just me.
“I’ll call you when I’m on the away to the airport in the morning. I already miss my family. I love you.”
Me – “I love you too. It’ll go fast. And you’re going to see some of the most amazing places in the world. Take time to enjoy yourself.”
But I didn’t mean right away.
6 minutes later my cell phone rang again. It was him. I smiled and answered, “I know – you miss me!”
A pocket call, I thought. I went to hang up but my hand pulled the phone back to my ear. I listened. To the clicking of high heels. To my husband asking about a sticker . To giggling. More high heel clicking. Three minutes and fifty seconds of walking, saying good evening to someone, and then, “We’re interested in a bottle of wine to start here and then take to our room.”
All 5 feet 9 inches of me quaked. From deep within me came a shuddering that had no end. The blur of my hands typing, “Who the f*%k are you with? I can hear everything you are saying you bastard. You lying a*%hole! Answer your f*%king phone!”
I called. No answer. I called again. No answer. I called again. He answered.
I had won again, I was sure. But this victory sucked.
Thank you Cleo for your words! Saw mention of the blog in SFGate & will continue reading thru posts as time allows. Am sorry you had this experience, but lord almighty, you have rallied and made the proverbial lemonade via your “positive transformation.”
And a thank you Stan for your razor sharp directive, “If you don’t have the life you want, demand it. Change is always available to us in any given moment; it always a choice we have.” WOW to the power 10. We get so inured w/our lives and think things won’t change or are impossible to tackle. Stan’s words hit me like an unexpected slap from someone hidden in a dark corner. I’ve been irritated by my stasis on some issues for a good 15+ years. I don’t think I can articulate the following notion of mine, but I am a big believer in taking strength from strong friends, taking a little bit of this from here, a little bit of that from there…..and now, I’m going to empower myself from your very “positive transformation” and hopefully make some long needed, necessary changes in my world. Thank you thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts with others.
Yay, YOU! I am like a construction site right now. Lots of tearing down, building up and trash removal. You take the plot of land over there, and let’s share our crew. I want to be kept apprised of your efforts and successes.
Mr. Jackpot asks me often why I didn’t demand change. Why did I let myself be okay with what wasn’t okay? And, given that we are mirrors for each other right now, I ask him the very same thing.
Were we afraid we wouldn’t find another to walk with us on our journey? Did we believe we had to accept what we had because how dare we expect more?
I’m grateful to Stan as well. I hope he reads your thanks.
Remember, no jackhammering before 8AM.
Thank you for taking the time to comment. Your words are profound and perfectly on target. I am forever changed but in such a very good way. If I feel I’m losing perspective I will return to your comment again to get back on track.
I had that same wakeup call the afternoon I walked into Starbucks and saw my husband with another woman. He wasn’t even smart enough to take his cheating to another town. He did it right in front of our faces. My womens’ intuition had known for a few weeks that something was going on, but my hopeful and stubborn self wanted to believe I was wrong.
I love reading your story, and knowing that I’m not alone! It’s so relatable!
Starbucks is the new hotel lobby bar! Cheaper, but the lighting is oh so unforgiving. What a nimrod.
We are not alone. So stay close…and I promise to keep sharing in the most brutally honest way I can.
Just found this blog via typical media.
I’m still reeling from finding out almost 3 years later. It was much more complicated than I could have imagined & involved a lot of people covering it up.
Meanwhile, they’re rewarded & carry on as if…
Don’t ever forget honey, you WERE caught. Found out about.
On my trip, I knew right away. A switch was flipped, & I knew what was going on when I was gone. Immediately
Looking forward to reading the rest & thank you.
Others helping to cover the tracks? Oh, the moral decay.
I wouldn’t do that for my Mother. Thank goodness, my Mother wouldn’t ever put me in such a position.
This takes me back to the out-of-body-can’t-feel-my-arms-or-legs-I’m-going-to-puke feeling I got the day I saw the ANNIVERSARY card my (now ex) husband’s girlfriend had given him and he left in the trunk of my car after he borrowed it for a work trip. Inside the card were the pictures they took that weekend on their romantic getaway. It also happened to be the same day that I was sitting on my couch in shock when my dad and mom stopped by to tell me there were several phone calls on their cell phone bill to a certain lady that wasn’t me during the time the jerk had been borrowing my dad’s phone…
It’s surreal and cannot be understood by anyone who hasn’t felt it.
I know this was last year, but it’s still probably raw. 10 years on the other side of that moment, I can recall it like it was yesterday, but can say it get’s way better, I’m thankful for not wasting any more of my time with him, thankful for the valuable lessons I learned and thankful that the pain has gone away (as much as it can) and it turned me into a BETTER person.
I wish I had a body scan of what went on inside me, the cellular explosion, the brain waves crashing in every direction, the blood surge. It would be fascinating to see what our physical bodies went through when we discovered the massive betrayal, no? It is surreal.
Thank you for taking the time to share this experience with me, with us. You could have chosen to be bitter, angry S or grateful, smiling S. You chose the latter and it shows me how very important it is to do the same. No matter how much it hurts (yes, it’s a softer pain now, but still painful) it will hurt worse if I stoke the embers of negativity and regret.
Thank you for being here, S. I’m forever grateful.
To all who have been there… What these stupid women don’t realize is that if they do it with you they will do it to you. I also believe that the “findings out” can sometimes be deliberate so that the men can get off the hook with the wife and move on with the girlfriend. Or the girlfriend deliberately leaves items to be found with hopes that she will get her man when the wife finds that earring, perfume smell, lipstick stain, card, etc. I say … It’s spilt milk and its sour and it stinks ! Now…. go watch Diary of a Mad Black Woman and it will put things in its proper perspective !
Thank you for taking the time to comment. I have just watched a second marriage come to a divorce. It began as an affair. Of course, the accusations of cheating are flying about. It’s remarkable to me that it takes some time before someone like the Happy Dance Chick wakes up one day and thinks, Oh – he doesn’t have a wedding ring on…he’s not living with me…I wonder what he does with all that downtime?
Grateful it’s not my problem. Thanks for being here.