A minette (please, be impressed by my French, courtesy of Google) in Montreal sent me a video about the wounded child. The child, perhaps in each of us, that is wounded in some way and has not been given the opportunity to heal. As she ages, and her wounds remain open, her heart closes. These wounds manifest in her life in many ways: fear, addictions, anger, self-loathing, disease. The list goes on.
These open wounds are often well-concealed. It’s the survivalist in all of us that chooses to bury them. Acknowledging them is challenging enough. Being able to heal them even more so. Sometimes therapy is essential to tease it out, sort it out and make sense of how childhood trauma (which has a broad definition) is affecting adult life. But therapy isn’t for everyone.
I did therapy. And it was effective. Even though one time he fell asleep.
I took that as a sign I was ready to take on the rest of the labor solo. Soon after leaving traditional therapy I began to work with a woman named Melissa. I’ve mentioned her here as M&M. (I’m pretty sure that’s what I called her. Forgive me if I am wrong. I still have not gone back to read each post – saving that for Bolinas.) I would describe her as a seer. An energy maven. Some would call her a clairvoyant, but she’s not a future teller. She sees. Energy. Auras. Strengths. Physical ailments. She sees how physical ailments are tethered to emotional wounds. How emotional wounds keep us bound, unable to love freely without fear. She helps to cultivate the inner ear – that which listens to the needs of the soul, and the third eye – that which sees the path the soul has marked out before the vessel ever sets foot on the trail.
Next to my Mom, Melissa has had the most influence on my development as a being. She changed my life.
I was nervous the first time I met with her. I made my way into a narrow elevator in a Manhattan office building and searched for her floor.
It was one floor below “Ghostbusters, Inc.”.
Oh, what have I gotten myself into?
When I sat in the chair in front of her in a tiny room with a vaulted ceiling, dimly lit, I was immediately taken by her beauty. Her soul radiated beyond her skin and bones in a way I had never seen before. She was light. Pure freaking light. And fluid. Every element of her being was serene, supple, cozy. Gentle brown eyes, delicate features…I wanted to curl up in her lap and be held.
And I wanted to hide.
A fruitless endeavor in front of her, for sure. I tried to throw curtains over things inside me…as if she hadn’t seen that before! My arm pits flooded. I don’t want to know!
But I did.
She bounced back and forth between the present, the past (I was about 28 years old) and the future. She spoke of the importance of grounding myself, developing my intuition, and opening my root chakra.
My what? Is that like a door to a cellar? A place to store canned goods and potatoes?
I nodded as if I understood. Fooling no one.
You need to ground yourself. You spend most of your time out of your body. That’s going to make it challenging.
Ground myself. Like nutmeg? Make what challenging? So far, so good. I’m just here to hear what I already know – this life stuff is pretty easy!
I was so lost.
She must have asked me a dozen times if I understood what she was telling me. I lied with each response.
When I would speak about getting ahead at my job or making the most of my relationship it was as if she was bored. She would draw me back to me, my soul, my true purpose for being alive at this time on this planet. It wasn’t to excel in sales or to be in love or to find my passion.
All those things – career, relationships, voyages, discoveries, passions – provide the framework, the 3D experiences that will give me the opportunity to create magic. Like building a birthday cake, the day-to-day is the cake, the shimmery highs the frosting. Instead of a candle, a firework represents why the soul is here.
To make magic.
Not take a company public, or marry the most popular girl, or gain the most yards, or shed the tear at the absolute right time for the camera to catch it just so, making a director’s day.
Our soul is here to make magic. Why would it bother with any thing else?
It took many months for me to see what was happening, but on the day I realized she was seeing the spider web of my life, my life changed. Instead of a linear line of events, my life became a web, exploding from the center that marks my birth. (Holy arachnid, that makes me the spider. How’s that for coming full circle? From arachnophobe to spider, herself! Story at 11…)
Every event, regardless of how far removed from each other by time, is connected in a meaningful way. The trials and tribulations of childhood are not to be left behind but brought forth as medals, badges of honor, lessons in a tattered book that has been referred to again and again.
In leaving that center and heading in any direction, I am able to jog right or left and swing around back to birth, then head out in another direction without needing to backtrack. The circuitous routes take me out to see the ripple effect of events in my life, then lead me back to the present time with arms full of understanding.
The past three months, on my hikes, I’ve taken the journey back to various times in my life where I felt lost, alone, hurt, scared, mad, used, and unsure. Fresh images of long-forgotten encounters that caused pain, like simple grade-school teasing or hurtful betrayal, burst through layers of time, usually emerging in connection with a thought or situation being pondered. At first, I wouldn’t want to spend much time with my child, the girl who bore the brunt of those experiences.
I’m here now. This is where I need to remain. I love her, but it’s about today, not then. Those experiences are within me, they are me, so no need to trip back in time.
But as I pushed through the initial hesitation tinged with fear, a little at a time, I was rewarded with a sense of peace. As if just acknowledging that I felt bullied in 7th grade was enough to heal that pain. Or forgiving myself for never seeing the inside of a gym during college and getting fat, courtesy of pizza and beer.
Letting go of the sadness I felt when I learned I had been tricked into saying that I didn’t like a certain girl while on a Girl Scout camping trip.
I was walking by a tent, set in a camp ground 30 minutes from my home. I had no sense of direction or sense of distance. I felt very far away. Could have been Wyoming. I was out of my neighborhood, element and skin. Out of my body. Two girls opened up the tent flaps. Both older, bigger and pretty intimidating when they wanted to be. I was never in the ‘in’ crowd. These two ran it.
The called me inside. We sat on the floor in a circle. My back was to the rear of the tent, comprised of two flaps, untied. Sunlight peeked in, illuminating the faces of the girls. Small talk turned to mean talk when they spoke of their dislike for a fellow camper. As they picked her apart they looked to me for signs of agreement. I dutifully responded with Yeas! and I know!s.
Then the flaps on the rear of the tent opened.
There she stood. The three of them had set me up.
A moment in time I had forgotten, but will never forget again.
I liked her. That’s the crazy part. Why didn’t I just say, You’re entitled to your opinion, but I like her. Instead I gave a piece of myself away. I told myself, Your opinion doesn’t matter. What you think and feel isn’t as important as trying to fit in. And what you think and feel isn’t good enough to fit in.
My child would tell a tale, I’d listen. Then I would scoop her up and carry her along the web of my life to where I needed to go next. As I gathered up each child I felt more whole and feared less a trip over there to gather another. Now it feels good to go to the center, the point of birth, and run out, cross over, circle back, re-live, gather, comfort. Always feeling more whole as I return to the present time.
Living in the past is not what I need. That goes against my boundaries. But it’s become clear that gathering up all my pivotal experiences in life and maintaining easy access to them is crucial for me to be able to see how they all fit together to build me. Taking time to travel back and re-experience little hurts and big hurts and find the thread that connects them to today is not living in the past but bringing the full ME to the present day in order to make the most of every day from here on out.
In a way I can’t explain, all these trips back and forth have made me feel like I’m more present in the moment than ever. More whole. More open. Full of love for myself. And wanting to love everyone near and far. I feel more grounded, just like Melissa described I would feel if I could ever get back in my body.
I’m back in my body.
I still have moments to revisit, a child to scoop up, and then a journey forward to see how the hurt of this child manifested as I aged. I’m excited to unravel the story and connect the dots. This process has softened me. It’s filled me with love. So much so that I feel like I have to give it away.
And then something miraculous happened.
I felt compassionate love for The Genius.
The moment it happened I was on the elliptical while pondering the idea of unconditional love. I’ve been killing those machines lately. They quake when I walk into the gym. I itched when the Karadashians came up on the screen as I began my 90 minute trek to nowhere, quickly changing the channel to PBS. (Now that I know where it is.) The feature that evening was Wayne Dyer. I had never seen him speak before and had not been exposed to any of his writings, but I recalled a kitten mentioning him on HGM, so I payed attention.
So grateful I did.
His talk was centered on the writings in his new book, Wishes Fulfilled, Mastering the Art of Manifesting. One segment focused on his belief that we are all God. That within each of us is God. Within us is the power to create. To release that power to its fullest extent, we need to allow our love, unconditional love, to flow freely outward. Trusting that it will be returned to us, but focusing not on the return, rather the joy and peace that comes from being loving.
I played with that as I pumped up an imaginary mountain, sweat streaming down my scalp, and face, and arms…breathing hard.
Unconditional love. Of all humanity.
Of The Genius? Is it possible?
The Genius was a baby – a beautiful one, I’m sure. Then he grew and undoubtedly had many moments where he brought joy to those around him. He loved and was loved. Hopefully, he treated his friends and family well. But, when he faltered, like he did in a massive way when he betrayed me, he was still that spirit that was born all those years ago. That divine light being that we all are at birth. And we all fall down.
Unconditional love for all people is only that if it is ALL people. I can’t unconditionally love all humanity, except for that guy over there who screwed me over for four years. No, not him. No way.
It’s an all in kind of love.
I tried on the coat of unconditional love for The Genius. At first I wanted it to not fit. To cling in all the wrong places and cut me under each arm as I tried to cram myself into it.
It fit.
Damn it.
Now I have to unconditional love The Genius?
The elliptical program took me up to the highest climb and I upped the incline to 20. My heart rate was 150. I was shredding that puppy.
Do you unconditionally love everyone on the planet?
I do. I can and I want to. And I know for me to realize my dreams I need to. The lost, the wounded, the rich, the arrogant, the happy, the poor, the killers, those in power that abuse their positions, those that give and give and give. I unconditionally love them all.
I don’t have to unconditionally love The Genius. I want to.
Now, I would have thought it would take more than 90 minutes on the elliptical to accomplish that feat, that marvel of all marvels. And it did. It took 120 minutes. I was the last one pumping. I didn’t want to believe it was that easy, but it was. Just saying that I unconditionally love everyone, and that includes The Genius and the Happy Dance Chick, (I’ll wait for you to get up off the floor. Here, let me help you. Trust me. I had to read those words five times before I stopped flinching.), started the process rolling. I’ve been going with it ever since, strong the past 10 days. Loving in, loving out.
Best part about this seemingly selfless act is that it feels so good, so decadent. The dovetail affect of loving myself in my worst moments and loving others in theirs has done exactly what Wayne Dyer described: I feel like I can’t contain my soul in my body.
We all have wounds.
We all deserve love.
Love heals all wounds.
Love yourself,
Cleo
Cleo, Ty for your post today, I read it twice actually as it was exactly what i needed. I realize that this is the step at healing that has seemingly eluded me. not because of lack of effort mind you. You told me once to let go, and let go i did. The result was a finalized divorce decree, primary custody arrangement that seems to be working marvelously well with my 2 beautiful children, a closure and a new beginning all in one. I did it, i have let go, but this next step of love, hmmmm, not so easy. I know i have to do it, and i do try but have failed over and over again. The ball usually drops on the learn to love you ex phase, when my genius harasses me telling me i am not a good mother, i don’t respond, i have let it go, but i can’t say that love is what i feel usually the opposite or his constant messages about how i seem to not be handling things well and i should just “give” him the kids, (strange because he signed stating i have primary custody) don’t respond to his comments but yep, there it is goes again, no love. He picks up on any situation he “feels” i have not handled right (which is usually everything) to repeat this phrases in one way or another. Telling me he pays me in child support to raise the kids, he shouldn’t have to help with their homework that is my job and if i can’t do my job correctly then i need to let him do it. It is now considered harassment i am sure of it. In his mind, (which is usually fantasy land) he feels his happy dance chick can raise the kids for him and he can have his cake and eat it to and guess what now that cake is also free with having the kids live with him!!!. He signed the custody and divorce decree just to get it over with (probably because she was bugging him about it) and figured he can just bully me until i crack for the kids. It worked for most of our marriage so why not now? I don’t fight him, nor do i believe him but it doesn’t make it easier to have a bully pushing and shoving you telling you are nothing every time you make a visit to your high school locker either. What’s even harder is learning to love the bully when they are doing all this to you in the process. I would welcome thoughts, comments, from anyone how to handle this. Thanks!
N,
You are right where you are supposed to be. I was there. I would have been lying to myself if I said, I can unconditionally love The Genius 6 months ago. While coming to a place where I can love freely is a priority, the journey here is one that must be savored. You are on that journey. Don’t let a moment of it slip by you, no matter how painful. This is where you begin to practice. I am so grateful for every bump and bruise. Each one knocked a block out of the walls I’ve built over time.
It’s much easier to unconditionally love humanity without walls blocking one’s love.
You are doing a fantastic job, N! Weigh in kittens…I am excited to read what you have to say.
Love yourself,
Cleo
Hi Nadine,
I’m so sorry that your Genius is being such an ass. Instead of butchering a post I read recently, I’ll just copy the link for you here to read at your leisure:http://tinybuddha.com/blog/behind-great-anger-is-great-pain-dont-take-it-personally/ . The long and short of it is that you have to make the conscious decision not to let his negativity get to you. All the parenthetical comments in your post seem to say that you haven’t quite let go yet. For me, letting go doesn’t mean just not taking the bait, or ignoring his comments to his face (sticks and stones, etc.), but really and truly letting it go. Washing it out of your soul. What might help is consciously establishing and maintaining boundaries with him — remembering you have to honor your own needs and take care of your whole self first, which includes letting him know in no uncertain terms where the line is drawn. At least for me, once I started to see the “Negative Nelly”s as separate individuals (apart from their relationships with me or how they were tied into my life), I could start to appreciate them and see them as living beings, worthy of my compassion and love, regardless of their behavior. *I* choose how they affect me. *I* choose what roles they have in my life. *I* choose my own peace. It’s not easy, but it is the beginning of a beautiful self-journey.
Hi Nadine,
I’m so sorry you are going through this. May I offer some practical advice? Write down and document what he says – better yet record him. If he is going to push for primary custody (and he probably won’t, he just knows that this irks you) then you want to have evidence of his bullying. If the harassment (and it is harassment) gets worse, get a lawyer. If money is an issue, try contacting a woman’s shelter for ideas or resources that are more affordable. You are dealing with an emotionally abusive person and there are resources available to you and you should use them. Yes, emotional detachment to unconditional love is a great thing to strive for, but I sense you may have some material issues coming your way.
Good luck and keep us posted.
KC
Nadine,
I was in exactly the same position. I talked to a counselor, I read, I journaled, I made no headway at all until the counselor suggested I read How Do I Forgive You? by Janis Abrahms Spring. It made a huge difference in my perspective and peace of mind. It helped me so much I wrote to the author to thank her and posted a review of it on Amazon.
It might be worth a read, for you and your well being.
Wow. Just Wow.
As always Cleo, much food for thought.
I’ve been working on not judging people. And, to be truthful, not loathing some. It’s hard for me. Harder in some cases than others. So hard that unconditional love seems unattainable.
I cannot wrap my head around unconditional love for the HDC. I can understand TG. There existed once the foundation of love. I can see how you can draw on that foundation. But the HDC? I might need another post with more explanation to understand how that is achievable. And I’ll put Wayne Dyer on my reading list.
I would love to get to where you are. Thanks for your inspiration.
N
N,
Thank you for taking the time to comment and for being here.
I struggled with that one, N. I imagine there will be more writings on this to come. One subtle observation I can offer is that I’m not doing it (unconditionally loving the HDC) because I’ve been told it’s the way to enlightenment or the short cut through the pearly gates. I’m doing it because when Itried it on it felt right. It felt right for me and for the dudes. The stars got a little brighter ( I saw a shooting star while writing the post last night!), my heart felt bigger, I felt more joy.
Unconditional love for all humanity can’t have exclusions. I’m not loving their deeds, actions, bad choices, but I am making the choice to unconditionally love them because they are part of humanity. N, it’s not unattainable. It’s like a snowball rolling downhill. From not judging people to Universal Love – yours for the having. I guarantee it.
Grateful you are here, N.
Love yourself,
Cleo
While I agree with the whole post, I’ve found it’s very, very hard to love those who do not want your love. Those who push it away. I know those are the ones who need it the most. But shouldn’t you need to save some of your energy for yourself? I try to give love to people who continually push it away and hurt me, opening new wounds in the process. It is extra trying when they sense you pulling away, so they reach out for your love again, only to push it away. Manipulators. When do you say enough is enough and give up on that person?
C,
This I will ponder, C. My initial feelings are that unconditional love has no expectations (They will try to root themselves and grow but must be composted post haste!) and is felt, not seen or heard or said. The choices others make to attempt to manipulate can fall flat before ever reaching you. The love you feel inside is like Miracle Grow for unconditional love. That unconditional love radiating out makes it very challenging for anything but love to radiate back.
“I’ve found it’s very, very hard to love those who do not want your love. Those who push it away. I know those are the ones who need it the most.” It’s not about their needs, but yours. You aren’t forcing love upon them. And only they can determine what they need. Just let it flow out. Let it rise within you and then spill over. Less 3D, more witchy.
Giving up will soon not be an option, nor necessary.
We all want love. You rock, C. I love seeing you ponder away…
Love yourself,
Cleo
There is definitely something huge happening overhere…so are you ready for ”The Shift” or it already happened ? (you HAVE to see the movie)
)
I swear that everytime I need an answer PBS has it …and very often Wayne Dyer is on…(sometimes Loretta La Roche does the trick
so…http://jaredakers.com/dr-wayne-dyers-the-shift-and-the-realization-that-everything-you-need-is-already-within-you/
To shift or not to shift …that is the question ??
S,
Huge is ‘speaking’ french! I am now proudly considering myself to be multi-lingual. A stretch, for sure, but let a girl dream…
PBS – We Have the Answer! (What a great campaign that would be.)
I am all about the shift. It’s here. In a very large and present, big and boisterous way. I’m ready. I’m fearless. I’m 1000% committed. I will check this link during a packing break. There is not a clean surface anywhere in my house! But it will all be done by Friday.
S, you rock. Stay close…
Love yourself,
Cleo
Cleo,
Here’s the line I love: “Our soul is here to make magic. Why would it bother with any thing else?”
I’m not surprised that you can feel unconditional love for TG or HDC; they are just pieces of this giant, expansive universe to which you have so beautifully committed to being an active contributor and receiver. So is the guy at the gas station, the crossing guard at the kids’ school, the PG&E folks who work in the storm so we can have the lights on when it’s cold and wet outside. It’s just that some people loop back into our sphere with seemingly more ‘charge’ or power than they really deserve (not in a bad/good deserve) or need. TG/HDC are just children of the universe. Bless them and let them go. Kind of like your forgiveness aha months back.
I discovered Wayne Dyer on the shelves of my high school library some 30 years ago and am delighted to run across his work throughout the years. It’s really the same message over and over again that we all keep needing to hear and attempt to live. Another one you might like is Byron Katie – her book ‘Loving What Is’ really flips one’s assumptions and perspectives around in profound ways.
Rock on, Cleo. And enjoy this spectacular NorCal day.
L,
Was there a day today?
I seem to be in a foreign land…one filled with cardboard and tape. Truly looks like Dorothy flew through here being chased by the Wicked Witch of the West. Alas, it’s just me. And my every belonging.
I’m so grateful you took the time to comment and that you can see how unconditional love is achievable, even with TG and HDC. I keep playing it out in my heart to make sure I’m being authentic. When I remove them from my ‘universal love’ it doesn’t feel universal anymore, and therefor just vapor. A statement that means nothing. So in they are.
Never would have thought it possible, but I’m on a mission that is much larger than two people. Thank you for being here with me.
Love yourself,
Cleo
I started reading from the beginning less than a week ago and have finally made it here. To say that your journey is an inspiration would be an understatement. It is a gift to anyone reading that you are able to articulate feelings, life, emotions, behaviours, and humanity the way you do…. because there is something in your words for everyone, regardless of their journey. Thank you for sharing yourself with us.
J,
Thank you so much for your kind words and for taking the time to comment. Your perseverance is commendable! You hit upon something that is very important to me – our challenges in life are unique to each of us on many levels, yet we can learn from all.
I am so grateful that has come across in my words. You, m’lady, have made my day. Thank you!
Love yourself,
Cleo
I just LOVE this comment. Jennifer, thank you for so perfectly describing HGM. My favorite part – “there is something in your words for everyone, regardless of their journey” – so well said. Thanks!
Cleo – Good luck with your move. I hope your day ends with a hot bath. Did the couch come with you? : )
G,
The couch made the move! And it looks great – but let me tell you…it JUST fits. There is an inch on each side. One inch. Whew!
No bath, but lots of ocean breezes. Thank you so much for your support. You rock, m’lady.
Love yourself,
Cleo
My TG doesn’t use fists, he uses words, and i can be going along on my merry way dropping kids off, doing housework etc, smiling about my day and anxious for cuddling up with my 2 soon to be step kids on the couch watching a movie while their dad enjoys a loved hobby and then there is a strike.. it knocks me off my feet, In the form of a text, it could be a threat “if you don’t find our son’s phone, i am not paying you a dime of support” (that was before the support order through court) so i take away that leverage, he finds a new way to strike, and he does. “you filed for child support, i told you not to do that, i am going after 50/50 custody of the kids with my free lawyer” Or as was the other night, “his project wasn’t done, you should have had this done by this time, you are a terrible mother and the kids need to live with me” I have been told to stop feeling it, not let it get to me, but how when someone hits you with their fists can you not feel pain? You can’t, so how when someone uses another method, can you not feel pain. I have learned to expect the blows, knowing what was going to happen and wait for it when i asked him “very nicely i might add” that our son failed to finish his project that day and i needed his dad’s help to get him to finish it since it was due the next day and it was his night with the kids. But i also always expect a blow from people that don’t even give them. although it is lessening as time goes on, Like a woman who has been physically hit, i flinch, i apologize for not doing something perfectly, i cry break down in tears, feelings am not good enough, i started therapy even before the affair and happy dance chick came to light. That was 2 years ago, and i started therapy 3 months before i asked TG to leave our home after i realized he was part of the problem and most likely having an affair on top of being part of the problem. I have made TREMENDOUS strides and am still in therapy. I have learned many things and it is still a process. There is some anger in there to. I am learning to make boundaries with him, he pushes against those boundaries constantly. Just today i believe i made the biggest stride yet with boundaries. I called him an abuser. I have never, even until today ever said that to him. I didn’t do it in a bad way After his rant that i needed to just shut up, he is mad that i do bad parenting, i can’t handle it, i told him I AM NOT a bad parent, I Do not do bad parenting, he needs to STOP constantly asking for the kids to live with him, and he is an abusive man and he needs to get help so that he does not carry on the same pattern with his current girlfriend (his HDC) his response (usually we communicate through text or email) was leave me alone. that’s it. it’s a response that puzzled me, i was expecting some sort of threat, still am actually, like he is now taking back to court AGAIN for custody because i stood up to him. thanks, christine above, i realized i needed to set stronger boundries, i read the article you recommended and most likely he is experiencing pain for reasons unknown and will never be known to me and striking out and that is when he strikes out the most, I think i have started to find the path to love, started to, still a long way to go.
N,
The anger…it seems impossible to be able to realize in the moment that the anger is not about you. But it’s not. You’re well on your way to creating the right boundaries for yourself. I’m excited for you!
I am in the midst of a move and can’t spend time at the keys tonight, but I know the kittens will have words of support for you. Stay close, N.
Love yourself,
Cleo
Dear Nadine, One thing that really struck me in your earlier post was that your ex said “he is paying you to raise the kids”. Not true. Not even a little. He is sending money to your children for their upkeep and well being. He is sending it to you because you are the one who uses that money for the lunches you make, the clothes you purchase and wash, the breakfasts and dinners you prepare, the school supplies you buy for them, etc. If he was paying YOU to raise his kids, it would cost a lot more than his child support payments, to be sure. And remember, there would be no child support if he had honored his vows, and honored those children by not breaking apart your family.
Nadine, he can’t stand the fact that you’ve let go. All of this is his lame attempt to exert control over you. When he should be working to control himself. Sweetie, it’s time to be your own best friend. And your best friend would tell you to look at how ridiculous he is being, and to stop letting it effect you. His only ammo is words, and they can’t touch you if you don’t let them. Cleo always says “Love Yourself” and it’s true. When you love yourself, no one can get to you without your permission. Don’t worry about loving your ex or his HDC just yet, love you first and the rest will following.
Nadine,
I’m glad you found some comfort in that link I sent. Proud of you. I can hear your struggles and your pain through your posts. But I also hear you working through it. I feel sad for The Genius (in both your life and Cleo’s) only because when they use anger and blame, it’s clear to me that they have not yet taken the opportunity to grow or learn something about their experience. Some people never do. But, YOU have. And you will continue to do so. The more you recapture yourself, the more you’ll be able to live in a way that won’t include reflexive flinching or fear. And then you can truly enjoy peace and appreciate the everyday beauty and encounters around you – utter nirvana. Oh how I wish I could reach through my computer and hug you. Keep believing in yourself. You are worthy of so much.
Cleo, I was talking to a friend tonight and he said I’ll never fully get over my husband. That he was the love of my life. Do you think that’s true? I still ache. I still wish. Will it stop? It’s been 14 months and I have moved on a lot. But I can still feel profound sadness. He’s never been unkind. Quite the opposite. He wants to help, tries to help if I would accept that help, which I never do. He still emails sometimes about important stuff, sometimes just hoping I’m keeping warm in this cold weather. A good man who lost his moral compass. How do you fully let go of that?
P,
Your friend is right, but not in the way he intended. You won’t get over your husband because he’s not to be ‘gotten over’. You’re allowing yourself to feel that sadness – the best way to let go is to know what you are releasing. As the emotions settle down and you are able to observe them, you’ll feel less upended by them. Stay firmly planted in the moment, m’lady. Right there with yourself. Those email exchanges are some of many encounters in your life. All designed to plant clues, create opportunities.
Let go of the right things.
Love yourself,
Cleo
H,
Thank you! Move rocked. Bolinas…oh…
Love yourself,
Cleo
Just dropping you a quick note. I hope your move is going smoothly and you settle down quickly. I wanted to let you know I have been thinking of you and your family. Happy moving!!
B,
Thank you so much for taking the time to comment, and for your good wishes! The move was great…the unpacking seems to be on island time. I’m having storage issues. But expect major progress this weekend.
Love yourself,
Cleo