So I had an interesting exchange between some dating women who are on dating websites and meeting men and I’m scared. Really scared. One woman shared this story…
“Suzie” met a guy on an online dating site. They communicated for a few months and then he drives some five hours to visit her.
She makes him dinner in her home. Afterward, he announces he has no hotel and so she allows him to sleep on her couch.
I just have to repeat this: She allows a man she has never met before and who, really, she doesn’t know more than some guy named Joe from Iceland, sleep on her couch and she lives alone. My head hurts just typing this. Suzie goes to bed.
At some time in the middle of the night, money-less dream-guy who drove five hours to visit her gets in bed with her and tries to get a little naughty. She is horrified, insulted and revolted. She tells him to get out. He does, but not until he calls her a prude and all kinds of other names.
Suzie is ranting. “What is wrong with these men?” she screams out. All kinds of women go to her defense. Seriously, these men should know better, treat women with respect, and all of that. Blah blah blah. I have to remind them that people are people. Keep your expectations low and then let them surprise you.
One woman gives Suzie this priceless advice: The next time a guy comes to visit, have some married friends allow him to stay in their home. I had to respond to that one. Seriously, WTF. “Do NOT ask your friends to allow some guy you don’t know at all to camp out in their home! The safety aspects alone ought to be your first clue that this is a REALLY bad idea.”
Then there’s this story from “Samantha.” She meets this really hot guy online (she shares his profile with us). Within days (and before they’ve ever met), he is asking her to sext with him. She doesn’t want to. “I can get any woman to have sex with me by the second date,” he claims.
Then he proceeds to insult her in all kinds of ways. “I wouldn’t want to have sex with you anyway. You’re too heavy for me. You don’t have a great job.” And then the conversation gets really bizarre and threatening: “I was once in the military and I have killed people. Be nice, Samantha, you have no idea what I am capable of.”
She is deeply alarmed. She begs him to stop. He keeps it up. She asks him again, she tells him he is scaring her. He won’t stop. And then… get this… he tells her he has another call coming in and he will call her right back. After 30-minutes, she calls him to make sure he is ok. (Yep, another WTF moment.) He doesn’t respond. She texts him. He doesn’t respond. She then hops online and sees he is currently on the dating site. “I cannot believe this!” she says. “He calls and texts me for days, then insults me, and then disappears?”
I had to respond. “Why do you care? You should be happy? By the way, why are you ever responding to him at all? The second you get bizarre calls from a guy, your job is to hang up and delete him on your phone, email, dating site, and everything in between.” Suzie looked at me blankly.
And this is a fun one… “Jane” meets a guy online. He’s quite a bit younger than her but she’s interested. He friends her on Facebook then asks her 18-year-old daughter out. “You need to report him to the police!” one of the women advises.
Ok, I know this is really creepy and inappropriate but what law, exactly, did he violate? Be happy you nor your daughter ever met him. Block him. Goodbye.
Am I living on Mars or are these women dumber than a box of rocks. Sorry to sound blunt and too bitchy but these are some really frightening stories and I am totally baffled by it all. Please, if anyone thinks I’m crazy and these women have it right, I’m all ears. Be prepared to defend yourself vigorously, though, because I’m not sure I will be capable of being very nice.
Anyhow, these women did not appreciate my input. “You think you know everything, Lizzy!” (I didn’t say this but, in comparison to this group, well, unfortunately, I kind of do.)
In response, I offer up some Lizzy dating advice, even though it was not solicited (or, dare I say, appreciated). But, really, total stupidity cannot be left ignored because I have a Big Fat Mouth and lots to say. And I have not been given the ability to zip it. It went something like this:
“Ladies, Let’s be happy that loverboy didn’t slit Suzie’s throat, rape her, or (as far as we know) steal her identity and drain all her bank accounts. Next, know that she put herself in a highly dangerous situation. He should not have known where she lived. She never should have allowed him in her home.
She definitely should not have allowed him a sleepover. He should not know where she works or where her children live. He should, at this point, know almost nothing about her minus her name. They should have met in a (very) public place for dinner. She should have told MANY friends exactly where she was going when she was expected home, and who she was meeting up with.
If the guy did anything illegal, she needs to call the authorities. And for the other two women, when a guy is an asshole, he is allowed. However, you need to turn on your brain and be extremely cautious when it comes to meeting anyone.”
I got this back: “What happened to trust?”
Me: “STOP being gullible. You have no idea who any guy you meet online really is. Do a background check, check social media to make sure he is who he says he is (and isn’t married). Verify. Trust develops over a period of time, you don’t automatically dole it out. Keep yourself safe. And, when you make huge mistakes, learn from them. You are an adult.”
Call me a bitch. Call me whatever you want. But hopefully, there might just be one slightly wiser dating woman for it.
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