You’ve divorced your husband and now he’s dating someone new. Should you warn her about him? After surveying just about everyone I know, the answer is… Maybe.
If your ex was just your basic ass, let the new girlfriend find out for herself. Who knows, maybe things will work out with the new love, or the one after her. After all, there is someone for everyone, even your ex. When it comes to the two of you, if you’re still in deep emotional pain because of your breakup, his moving on can be really tough. It can be really tempting to try and ruin his new relationship. Vent to the new love interest every awful thing about the guy who broke your heart. But is that wise? Or fair?
But there are times when it is worth warning the new girlfriend. Those reasons include:
- He’s an addict: If he is an alcoholic, drug addict, porn addict, gambling addict, or similar, warning the new girlfriend can be a Godsend. Years ago, my soon-to-be husband’s ex-wife called to warn me about his addictions. I ignored her. I wish I hadn’t. And I wish she had warned me when we first started dating, not just days before our wedding. Because if I had known he was an alcoholic, our relationship would have ended before it started. Addicts can (for a short period of time) hide their addictions well while they are selling themselves to you. They are incredibly manipulative and liars. Even if your warning falls on deaf ears, you’ve at least done your duty. The rest is up to her.
- He’s an abuser: If he has a record of abusing children, the elderly, or even women, it is your moral and ethical duty to warn the new woman in his life. Especially if she has children, this is a safety issue. A close friend of mine married a guy who had been accused of sexually attacking his younger sister and had a prior arrest for hitting his grandmother. She has a young daughter who is now six years old. A few weeks ago, she found out that her husband was molesting her daughter. He is in jail awaiting trial. If your ex has harmed anyone, yes– tell her.
- He has a prison record: If he was convicted of a crime and served time in prison, you can warn the new girlfriend. I certainly would want to know, wouldn’t you?
- He is a serial cheater: I will never defend a man who has an affair. But I don’t believe that constitutes a reason to tell on him. However, if he is a serial liar and cheater, that’s another story entirely. If he falls under this category, I believe it’s ok to warn the new girlfriend. My friend, Lia, had a boyfriend who was addicted to dating sites and cheated and lied to her throughout their relationship. Should she warn women who he’s dating? Perhaps. It depends on her motives. Is it to simply embarrass her ex or is it to truly save another woman from her pain, heartache, and STDs. In this case, speaking up is perfectly OK. If I was his new love interest, I’d want to know. At least I could watch him carefully and make my own decisions on if I should move forward or not. (Oh, please, I hope for your sake, it’s a big NOT, because a serial cheater isn’t going to change for you or anyone else. He is simply an untrustworthy asshole, end of story.)
- He has a personality disorder: If a guy is a true narcissist, pathological liar, or has a diagnosed mental illness, then perhaps you should warn her. Soon enough, she’ll see the warning signs even if you don’t, though.
- He is a fraud: This may sound extreme but I know several women who dated a great new guy. Except he had a family she didn’t know about, had swindled money from other people, who faked having a job or education or lied about his background. If your ex is a guy like this, it’s ok to warn her.
So you’ve decided to speak up. How to do it? Openly and honestly. Don’t try to anonymously contact her unless you feel your physical safety is in danger. Otherwise, call her, text her or email her your concerns. Be prepared that she will likely think you are crazy and simply jealous. Your ex will be furious. And good chance your warnings will fall on deaf ears. But perhaps not. At least you’ve done your part, the rest is up to her.
And, ladies, if an ex contacts you and tries to warn you about your new guy, it might be well worth it to listen. No doubt your new guy has said terrible things about this woman. But maybe, just maybe, he’s the crazy one. I think any information is worth listening to. At least you can start watching for signs that maybe she’s right. Do your research and pay close attention. That woman certainly knows your new guy better than you do. Perhaps the dynamics in their relationship brought out the worst in him and he will be a great partner to you. And then again, maybe he’s just a terrible guy.
One thing is certain, though, unless this woman is trying to harm you, she is not your enemy. She may be your new guy’s enemy, but she isn’t yours. At least not in the beginning. Don’t get in the middle of their drama. Be supportive of him, listen, and watch carefully. It’s an important warning sign for you. Time will tell.
FAQs About Warning To Your Ex’s Girlfriend:
Should I warn my ex’s girlfriend about his behavior?
Is your ex capable of harming his girlfriend? You should give this question a really good thought before making a move. If your ex is just another ass, you should not try to warn our ex’s girlfriend of his behavior. You never know if your ex and his new girlfriend work it out between them.
Should I warn my ex’s girlfriend about his addiction?
You will do your ex’s girlfriend a huge favor if you warn her of his addictive behavior—be it alcoholism, drug addiction, porn addiction or gambing.
Why do women fall for addicts?
Women don’t involve themselves knowingly with addicts as most of them find out about it after diving too deep into a relationship. Addicts are highly manipulative and incredibly good liars.
Should I warn my ex’s girlfriend about his abusive behavior?
You should warn your ex’s girlfriend if he has a record of abusing children or women. She needs to know, especially when she has children.
Is my ex’s prison record a good reason to warn his girlfriend?
Your ex’s girlfriend has every right to know that his boyfriend has served time in a prison for a crime. You can warn her to be careful after telling her about his criminal record.
Should I tell my ex’s girlfriend that he is a narcissist?
It has to be your decision to tell your ex’s girlfriend that he is a narcissist. You shouldn’t hesitate in warning her in case he has been diagnosed with any mental disorder or is a pathological liar.
Should I tell my ex’s girlfriend that he is a fraud?
You should definitely tell your ex’s girlfriend that he is a fraud. Who knows you may save someone from agonising pain. Married men lie about their marital status and cheat with other women and swindlers claim to be saints just to get laid. Warning women about such men is not a bad idea at all.
Should I believe what my boyfriend’s ex says about him?
Make up your mind about believing your boyfriend’s wife later. First, hear her out for she has known your boyfriend and may tell you something important. Maybe your boyfriend and his ex were just a bad fit and it did not work out well between them. Or it could just be that your boyfriend is really a terrible guy.
Great article. Couple of thoughts:
1. Our children have warned their dads girlfriends if they have liked her. My 17 year old daughter revealed this to me the other night.
2. I had a boyfriend post divorce that had a horrible, stalker ex or so he said. One day I mentioned something about her doing a number on his heart to his sister, she stared at me and said nothing. Sadly, that was her version of warning me. When I broke up with him it very quickly escalated and I had to obtain an order of protection against him. He is a very well known, well liked millionaire in our area. I wish his sister would have told me the truth about him, people can only keep up a front for so long. The truth always comes out. As i love to say “you can’t hide crazy”.
You gave sound advice I hope many men and women adhere to it and make sure they temper their warnings with love, not anger and bitterness.
Thanks for your comment! My ex husband’s daughter warned me about her dad’s alcoholism. And when we separated, she was one of the first people I called. I asked her if he had treated her mother like he treated me. If only I had known prior to buying a house with him and getting married. My friend, Lia, who broke up with her boyfriend warned a girl he was starting to date. She didn’t do it out of anger, rather she felt sorry for her. The girl listened, stopped seeing him, and the two women are friends. Amazing how that works. I think we women need to have each other’s backs. YES, there are crazy ladies out there who are bitter and angry and even dangerous. But if we shared more of our stories openly, perhaps we’d be able to better know which guys to avoid and which not to. I have been in relationships that have ended and only with two men have I ever felt the desire to warn. The others were all relationships that just didn’t work. Lots of hurt feelings, disappointment and sadness. Sometimes anger. But severe pathological problems need to be pointed out (in my opinion).
Thanks for your comment! My ex husband’s daughter warned me about her dad’s alcoholism. And when we separated, she was one of the first people I called. I asked her if he had treated her mother like he treated me. If only I had known prior to buying a house with him and getting married. My friend, Lia, who broke up with her boyfriend warned a girl he was starting to date. She didn’t do it out of anger, rather she felt sorry for her. The girl listened, stopped seeing him, and the two women are friends. Amazing how that works. I think we women need to have each other’s backs. YES, there are crazy ladies out there who are bitter and angry and even dangerous. But if we shared more of our stories openly, perhaps we’d be able to better know which guys to avoid and which not to. I have been in relationships that have ended and only with two men have I ever felt the desire to warn. The others were all relationships that just didn’t work. Lots of hurt feelings, disappointment and sadness. Sometimes anger. But severe pathological problems need to be pointed out (in my opinion).
Thanks for your comment! My ex husband’s daughter warned me about her dad’s alcoholism. And when we separated, she was one of the first people I called. I asked her if he had treated her mother like he treated me. If only I had known prior to buying a house with him and getting married. My friend, Lia, who broke up with her boyfriend warned a girl he was starting to date. She didn’t do it out of anger, rather she felt sorry for her. The girl listened, stopped seeing him, and the two women are friends. Amazing how that works. I think we women need to have each other’s backs. YES, there are crazy ladies out there who are bitter and angry and even dangerous. But if we shared more of our stories openly, perhaps we’d be able to better know which guys to avoid and which not to. I have been in relationships that have ended and only with two men have I ever felt the desire to warn. The others were all relationships that just didn’t work. Lots of hurt feelings, disappointment and sadness. Sometimes anger. But severe pathological problems need to be pointed out (in my opinion).
My soon to be ex was already looking for wife #5 before I was out the door. He has been on dating sites since the day I left because he was abusive, mentally ill, and was really treating me horribly. I noticed that he has been seeing 3 different wormen recently and believe he has had sex with all 3 of them. And at least twice he has had sex with one, and then gone and had sex with the other on the same day. It really disgust me, because he is always preaching to everyone about being a Christian, yet he is acting so morally wrong. At one point he bragged to a friend that he was seeing 6 different women and one had caught on because he called her the wrong name.
I have a protective order against him for DV, but I want to warn the one girl who has children about him and how dangerous he is. But, with a PO against him, is it ok if I do warn her? I’m not trying to talk to him through her, I’m trying to warn her about him. I am seriously afraid for her safety and her son’s and since I know how he works, I’m sure he has her so manipulated and thinking she is in love with him…but probably has a suspicion something isn’t completely right. His 3rd wife tried to warn me and I wouldn’t listen, and his brother warned me and I didn’t listen. I found out in later conversations with my husband that he had lied to me on several occasions because I lived out of town when we first started seeing each other. I am really lucky I did not come up with a disease, because we found out later that one of the girls had HPV. I don’t want to do the wrong thing here. But I am seriously afraid for this girl, and I’m truly fed up with him treating people so horribly! HELP!
Char, I am so sorry to hear about your experience! In your case, I’m a big believer in probably warning the new girlfriend. If it’s extreme and safety issues are at play, then warning is a good thing and, perhaps, even your moral duty if it involves the safety of, say, your children. (Like my friend’s husband who is now in jail for molesting her daughter. Yes, he had priors!) I am NOT an attorney or police officer but your restraining order is with him, not her. I would think that you should be able to contact her, if not in person, perhaps a neutral third party. My (now ex) husband’s ex wife tried to warn me about him, so did his daughter. I blew them both off. My husband (then fianc�) told me that his ex wife was just jealous of me and us, and she was a crazy, insane, mean and hateful bitch. When she called me and talked to me, I immediately thought “liar, crazy woman who is trying to make us unhappy.” I wish I had listened. Trust me, I’ve learned. I have now had one ex talk to me about a guy I was dating. Guess what? I listened and I believed and I dumped the guy. Turns out, everything she was saying was spot-on accurate. Be SAFE. Ask an attorney or call the police when in doubt. But as far as the restraining order, there isn’t one with her so I don’t see why you can’t have contact. That said, be cautious. If your ex might retaliate against you, that is a huge concern. YOUR safety first! Best of luck. Hang in there. You escaped and survived. Now you get to heal and rebuild. That can be incredibly exciting.
How do you know if a man is right? He says nothing.
Cory Burtch of London,ON is a serial cheater, liar, and emotionally abusive. He usually has a few women on the go at any time – even when he’s in a “relationship”. He sees them during the work day and they also go to his condo at night. Even when he gets caught he will make up all sorts of lies and excuses to explain the situation. Or he will cry about his past. Don’t believe him. He’s a liar and is using you for sex. It’s all a game. He likes to pursue you and then once he has you, he gets bored and moves on. Everything he says is just to get what he wants. He will lie straight to your face without flinching. #CoryBurtch #pof #match #onlinedating #beware
When did your date him?
I have been talking to him and am supposed to meet him Thursday
Ok, so this is an interesting topic. Not once have I ever thought about warning any of my ex’s gf’s but as they saying goes never say n…
It has been extremely chaotic with my 8 yr olds dad. From abuse, lying, stolen items and money never paid back… I can go on and on…
he also has an older child and his ex with his older child and I are friends. We vent and go on about how irresponsible he is with his children. We weren’t always friends. When we started to realize he was the problem.
long story short, he has a new gf. She reminds us of us. Trustworthy, sweet, naive….
They have bought a home recently but we know his credit sucks and he has been lying to her about a few things… When my 8yr old and his other child visits they see all of this… It’s really sad. Which, we are currently going through court
should we even bother to say anything???!!!
Hello Girlfriends, I want to warn every woman out there to get educated about Narcissists. They can be borderline Narcs or Altruistic Narcs which means you won’t understand what is happening to you because they are so clever, liars, manipulators. Narcs are vampires. They don’t care about you. They will LOVE BOMB you to get you to trust and love them. Their cruel agenda is for them to feel powerful and get attention, gifts, help, sex etc etc from you. They will isolate you, twist every story, put the truth upside down on its head and blame you. PLEASE SEE sites like Melanie Tonia Evans and Teal Swan and Ross Rosenberg… there are countless professionals who will educate you and warn you. Please don’t let it happen to you. I suffered greatly for five years and am trying to heal… it’s unbelievable torture. PLEASE PLEASE SAVE YOURSELF. I REALLY CARE ABOUT YOU. DON’T BE HIS NEXT SUPPLY…BECAUSE THAT IS ALL YOU ARE TO HIM. HERE’S THE PATTERN: THEY LOVE BOMB,(tons of love, attention in every way) THEN THEY INTERMITTENTLY ABUSE IN MANY SUBTLE WAYS, (which keeps you off guard because you long and wait for the love and put up with all the torture AND THEN THEY DISCARD YOU LIKE TRASH. He will need to move on to new blood because you are catching on and resisting his abuse.
I and my boyfriend we are back together. with the help of Email___dr.mack201@gmail. com
It’s also important to consider other people in your industry who associate with the sociopath. This up and coming person in my industry might be a gambler. I say might because he told me his father gambled and he spends a lot of time up at a town where the only thing it’s known for is the race track. These guys typically never have any money. I mean ANY money – not even 50 for dinner. They are also liars. He said he’d pay me for a job, but never did. Instead, he used my contacts. So what? you say. Why did he make up some elaborate lie to hide the fact he is doing business with my contact? Wouldn’t he be grateful and proud? Importantly, they treat all people like liars. Anything good you do for them, they are suspicious of. It’s a bad situation because after a while you get tired of just being you when they are accusing you of lying about everything. It’s exhausting.On top of it his business partner was intent on proving I was trying to scam them. Turns out he had a secret resentment because I didn’t hire him along with his friend. These are grown men, not glued to the hip. It’s not a package deal and I can hire the one guy without being obligated to hire of all of them. Anyway, I did confront the first guy about a huge and damaging lie he told me, even though I screenshot the chat, he still tried to say I caused his lie somehow. Yeah, I caused the conversation but I didn’t cause the lie. That’s like saying if you pull out of your driveway, you caused the later accident on the highway you were involved in. So, I guess the solution is just not to talk to them.
This post about Cory is a false one. And for anyone who stumbles upon this and believes it, you are no better then the scorned woman who wrote it.
Cory is a very good friend for years. he is an amazing guy, great friend and an AMAZING Father. He has a heart of gold.
First I’m going to point somethings that are not in the post
1. The woman who wrote this didn’t use her real name but could use his full name and location
2. They only dated for 3 months
3. She wanted him to check in with her at every moment of the day and if he didn’t she would FaceTime him to ensure he was where he said he was.
4. This post is almost 4 years old!!!
I believe in warning women or men if people are abusive, or harmful in any way. But to just post something this damaging because you are mad because he/ she doesn’t want to be with you is so many shades of wrong. So before you post something about someone online ( as it’s forever) think first …… are you just hurt, and want to hurt them back or is this the absolute truth that if was brought to a lawyer for defamation of character you would be fine in your statement ….. because the post above is an out right LIE!!!!
What are you talking about? There is no mention of anyone named Cory in this post. There isn’t even any mention of any man specifically. Weird.
Laura F says
May 17, 2016 at 5:38 pm
Cory Burtch of London,ON is a serial cheater, liar, and emotionally abusive. He usually has a few women on the go at any time – even when he’s in a “relationship”. He sees them during the work day and they also go to his condo at night. Even when he gets caught he will make up all sorts of lies and excuses to explain the situation. Or he will cry about his past. Don’t believe him. He’s a liar and is using you for sex. It’s all a game. He likes to pursue you and then once he has you, he gets bored and moves on. Everything he says is just to get what he wants. He will lie straight to your face without flinching. #CoryBurtch #pof #match #onlinedating #beware
Reply
Rebecca B says
May 31, 2016 at 1:25 am
When did your date him?
I have been talking to him and am supposed to meet him Thursday
This one !!!
Any truth in this