It was the shock of it, I think. The surprise of learning my high school sweetheart-turned-husband had cheated and was promptly leaving our family that propelled me to drop to my knees and plead for my marriage. I became a hypocrite. A fool. I had always been crystal clear. I had issued the warning like so many women do: “Cheat on me and you will be out on the street.” I talked a good game all right. Until that moment arrived and there I was, pathetic, begging a man who had shown me the utmost in disrespect to give our marriage another try. Even so, no matter what I said, and no matter how convincingly I said it, he never wavered in his decision. Not once.
“There’s too much water under the bridge,” he repeated over and over in a vacant tone suddenly foreign to me.
I thought I was going to die with each unfaltering denial. It didn’t seem real regardless of how many times I heard the words. So I stopped asking for that chance. I didn’t understand anyway. What did he mean? What water? How much was too much? We had a life together. Children. A home. Dreams. A future. Or so I thought.
The months that immediately followed are a blur to me now. A fog of tears, nausea, more tears, weight loss, self-deprecation, and depression. I could see no end in sight, only a lifetime of dreariness ahead.
But that was not to be my journey.
Somehow I slowly found my way. Little outings that, at the time, felt monumental: a trip to the supermarket, coffee with a friend, a routine dental appointment. Until one day I was living again, insignificance and significance all wrapped up into one solitary existence. Being single was possible after all, and the prospect a little less loathsome with every step I took.
My ex and I are on pretty good terms these days. We are able to joke around when we speak. Admittedly, we still have our moments of discord, mostly stemming from my criticism of his chosen residence thousands of miles from our children. As I watch my kids struggle with the separation, I often fail at staying silent. But this Friday when we celebrate together our eldest daughter’s graduation from middle school, followed by a dinner with my extended family (we are so progressive), I will hold my tongue. Though it angers me he doesn’t spend more time with our children, and misses their school functions and sporting events regularly, I feel my children’s longing for this man they love so dearly, and I long for his daily presence in their lives.
“But do you miss him?” a friend asked last week of my ex husband as I updated her with our present bi-continental living situation. Interestingly, no one had ever posed that exact question to me before, which is surprising because it is such an obvious one.
I paused, not sure how to answer, not confident if I at that moment yet knew the answer myself.
“No,” I finally offered matter-of-factly. “I don’t miss him. What I miss is the life we once shared together.”
But I am well aware no number of family vacations, nights spent on the couch watching television alongside one another, and Saturday nights out with our other coupled friends could ever fill the void created by a loveless marriage, cure the years spent drifting apart, set all of the wrongs of our past right again.
My ex husband was correct. There was a lot of water under that proverbial bridge. But he was wrong, too. It wasn’t how much water there was under the bridge that made me no longer want him. It was how far off into the distance that bridge stretched, and how difficult a trip it was to reach the other side.
But I made it.
Today there’s no way I could ever go back. Nor would I want to because, frankly, the view from the far side of that bridge is, to put it mildly, awe-inspiring. Much like a scared young bird that spreads its wings for the very first time, I realize now I am no longer afraid of heights and am finally ready to soar.
OMG!! YOUR STORY IS MY STORY, except I haven’t quite gotten to “I’m completely over him”!
You will. It’s hard, but you will. I never thought it would be possible but, trust me, it is. Thank you so much for reading and commenting.
Then set him free with no strings. Then and only then will you have a blessed life and go on. Men need to be set free a man will never be alone and women can not handle that, set him free do not even take a tooth pic from him for it is your curse. Want nothing run. and then you mean it. No war no drama just a blessed seperation.
Then set him free with no strings. Then and only then will you have a blessed life and go on. Men need to be set free a man will never be alone and women can not handle that, set him free do not even take a tooth pic from him for it is your curse. Want nothing run. and then you mean it. No war no drama just a blessed seperation.
Then set him free with no strings. Then and only then will you have a blessed life and go on. Men need to be set free a man will never be alone and women can not handle that, set him free do not even take a tooth pic from him for it is your curse. Want nothing run. and then you mean it. No war no drama just a blessed seperation.
Then set him free with no strings. Then and only then will you have a blessed life and go on. Men need to be set free a man will never be alone and women can not handle that, set him free do not even take a tooth pic from him for it is your curse. Want nothing run. and then you mean it. No war no drama just a blessed seperation.
Then set him free with no strings. Then and only then will you have a blessed life and go on. Men need to be set free a man will never be alone and women can not handle that, set him free do not even take a tooth pic from him for it is your curse. Want nothing run. and then you mean it. No war no drama just a blessed seperation.
Then set him free with no strings. Then and only then will you have a blessed life and go on. Men need to be set free a man will never be alone and women can not handle that, set him free do not even take a tooth pic from him for it is your curse. Want nothing run. and then you mean it. No war no drama just a blessed seperation.
Then set him free with no strings. Then and only then will you have a blessed life and go on. Men need to be set free a man will never be alone and women can not handle that, set him free do not even take a tooth pic from him for it is your curse. Want nothing run. and then you mean it. No war no drama just a blessed seperation.
Then set him free with no strings. Then and only then will you have a blessed life and go on. Men need to be set free a man will never be alone and women can not handle that, set him free do not even take a tooth pic from him for it is your curse. Want nothing run. and then you mean it. No war no drama just a blessed seperation.
Then set him free with no strings. Then and only then will you have a blessed life and go on. Men need to be set free a man will never be alone and women can not handle that, set him free do not even take a tooth pic from him for it is your curse. Want nothing run. and then you mean it. No war no drama just a blessed seperation.
Then set him free with no strings. Then and only then will you have a blessed life and go on. Men need to be set free a man will never be alone and women can not handle that, set him free do not even take a tooth pic from him for it is your curse. Want nothing run. and then you mean it. No war no drama just a blessed seperation.
Then set him free with no strings. Then and only then will you have a blessed life and go on. Men need to be set free a man will never be alone and women can not handle that, set him free do not even take a tooth pic from him for it is your curse. Want nothing run. and then you mean it. No war no drama just a blessed seperation.
Then set him free with no strings. Then and only then will you have a blessed life and go on. Men need to be set free a man will never be alone and women can not handle that, set him free do not even take a tooth pic from him for it is your curse. Want nothing run. and then you mean it. No war no drama just a blessed seperation.
Then set him free with no strings. Then and only then will you have a blessed life and go on. Men need to be set free a man will never be alone and women can not handle that, set him free do not even take a tooth pic from him for it is your curse. Want nothing run. and then you mean it. No war no drama just a blessed seperation.
Then set him free with no strings. Then and only then will you have a blessed life and go on. Men need to be set free a man will never be alone and women can not handle that, set him free do not even take a tooth pic from him for it is your curse. Want nothing run. and then you mean it. No war no drama just a blessed seperation.
Then set him free with no strings. Then and only then will you have a blessed life and go on. Men need to be set free a man will never be alone and women can not handle that, set him free do not even take a tooth pic from him for it is your curse. Want nothing run. and then you mean it. No war no drama just a blessed seperation.
Then set him free with no strings. Then and only then will you have a blessed life and go on. Men need to be set free a man will never be alone and women can not handle that, set him free do not even take a tooth pic from him for it is your curse. Want nothing run. and then you mean it. No war no drama just a blessed seperation.
Then set him free with no strings. Then and only then will you have a blessed life and go on. Men need to be set free a man will never be alone and women can not handle that, set him free do not even take a tooth pic from him for it is your curse. Want nothing run. and then you mean it. No war no drama just a blessed seperation.
Then set him free with no strings. Then and only then will you have a blessed life and go on. Men need to be set free a man will never be alone and women can not handle that, set him free do not even take a tooth pic from him for it is your curse. Want nothing run. and then you mean it. No war no drama just a blessed seperation.
Then set him free with no strings. Then and only then will you have a blessed life and go on. Men need to be set free a man will never be alone and women can not handle that, set him free do not even take a tooth pic from him for it is your curse. Want nothing run. and then you mean it. No war no drama just a blessed seperation.
Then set him free with no strings. Then and only then will you have a blessed life and go on. Men need to be set free a man will never be alone and women can not handle that, set him free do not even take a tooth pic from him for it is your curse. Want nothing run. and then you mean it. No war no drama just a blessed seperation.
Then set him free with no strings. Then and only then will you have a blessed life and go on. Men need to be set free a man will never be alone and women can not handle that, set him free do not even take a tooth pic from him for it is your curse. Want nothing run. and then you mean it. No war no drama just a blessed seperation.
Then set him free with no strings. Then and only then will you have a blessed life and go on. Men need to be set free a man will never be alone and women can not handle that, set him free do not even take a tooth pic from him for it is your curse. Want nothing run. and then you mean it. No war no drama just a blessed seperation.
Then set him free with no strings. Then and only then will you have a blessed life and go on. Men need to be set free a man will never be alone and women can not handle that, set him free do not even take a tooth pic from him for it is your curse. Want nothing run. and then you mean it. No war no drama just a blessed seperation.
Then set him free with no strings. Then and only then will you have a blessed life and go on. Men need to be set free a man will never be alone and women can not handle that, set him free do not even take a tooth pic from him for it is your curse. Want nothing run. and then you mean it. No war no drama just a blessed seperation.
Then set him free with no strings. Then and only then will you have a blessed life and go on. Men need to be set free a man will never be alone and women can not handle that, set him free do not even take a tooth pic from him for it is your curse. Want nothing run. and then you mean it. No war no drama just a blessed seperation.
Then set him free with no strings. Then and only then will you have a blessed life and go on. Men need to be set free a man will never be alone and women can not handle that, set him free do not even take a tooth pic from him for it is your curse. Want nothing run. and then you mean it. No war no drama just a blessed seperation.
Then set him free with no strings. Then and only then will you have a blessed life and go on. Men need to be set free a man will never be alone and women can not handle that, set him free do not even take a tooth pic from him for it is your curse. Want nothing run. and then you mean it. No war no drama just a blessed seperation.
Then set him free with no strings. Then and only then will you have a blessed life and go on. Men need to be set free a man will never be alone and women can not handle that, set him free do not even take a tooth pic from him for it is your curse. Want nothing run. and then you mean it. No war no drama just a blessed seperation.
Then set him free with no strings. Then and only then will you have a blessed life and go on. Men need to be set free a man will never be alone and women can not handle that, set him free do not even take a tooth pic from him for it is your curse. Want nothing run. and then you mean it. No war no drama just a blessed seperation.
Then set him free with no strings. Then and only then will you have a blessed life and go on. Men need to be set free a man will never be alone and women can not handle that, set him free do not even take a tooth pic from him for it is your curse. Want nothing run. and then you mean it. No war no drama just a blessed seperation. …
Then set him free with no strings. Then and only then will you have a blessed life and go on. Men need to be set free a man will never be alone and women can not handle that, set him free do not even take a tooth pic from him for it is your curse. Want nothing run. and then you mean it. No war no drama just a blessed seperation. …
Then set him free with no strings. Then and only then will you have a blessed life and go on. Men need to be set free a man will never be alone and women can not handle that, set him free do not even take a tooth pic from him for it is your curse. Want nothing run. and then you mean it. No war no drama just a blessed seperation. …
Then set him free with no strings. Then and only then will you have a blessed life and go on. Men need to be set free a man will never be alone and women can not handle that, set him free do not even take a tooth pic from him for it is your curse. Want nothing run. and then you mean it. No war no drama just a blessed seperation. …
Then set him free with no strings. Then and only then will you have a blessed life and go on. Men need to be set free a man will never be alone and women can not handle that, set him free do not even take a tooth pic from him for it is your curse. Want nothing run. and then you mean it. No war no drama just a blessed seperation. …
Then set him free with no strings. Then and only then will you have a blessed life and go on. Men need to be set free a man will never be alone and women can not handle that, set him free do not even take a tooth pic from him for it is your curse. Want nothing run. and then you mean it. No war no drama just a blessed seperation. …
Why would you ever want to take him back????
“TAKING YOUR EX BACK IS LIKE GOING TO A YARD SALE AND BUYING BACK YOUR OWN CRAP!
My husband walked out on me and our sons, is socially and emotionally stunted, can never apologize for anything he ever did or said, feels he is the only victim of the relationship, not my cup of tea anymore and feel I not only married the wrong man, but stayed way too long–33 years of my life-being dragged all over the U.S. for his dreams and aspirations–because I love him, but when things went wrong for him-filing for Bankruptcy, lost over 200k in a franchise disaster and losing his 401K too, or his sons had mental problems, he walked away like I was garbage,
No, I’m Good:-) Much, much happier now without this person.
Yes, we all come to see the truth in time. It was not that long ago I began to see mine, and stopped making excuses. I know I’m better off now and have a new life ahead of me. Thank you so much for reading and sharing your story as well.
Am still in legal process off divorce, though I moved out 10 months ago. I don’t miss my ex. Just miss his ability to repair things, pay bills, and sometimes help with clutter. I miss not worrying about $$. What I do not miss: loneliness, no sex, no conversation or companionship. Well, I still have loneliness and no sex,( ha!), but I don’t feel the rejection anymore. This article was very helpful because I’ve been wondering about maybe trying for our marriage again. But I want so much more than he was willing or able to give. Problem is, at 56 years of age, I wonder about the process and time necessary to start over again. Could I find someone new? I am struggling to make ends meet. Not qualified for what I got schooling for. It had been away from it for 25+ years. Trying to keep afloat and hopeful as I cross my own bridge. 🙂
Donna,
In your shoes, 57 years old, but it’s been 28 months for me and wow, what a difference another year makes. Was wondering how you’re doing? Like you I struggle with money (working two jobs to make ends meet sucks big time) don’t miss HIM but wonder what lies ahead…will I ever find someone? do I need to have someone? I am alone but not necessary lonely although sometimes I miss having someone there but I would never go back. The turning point for me was going back to my maiden name (even after 2 kids and 26 yrs of marriage) it was like closing the book, which I needed to do because he made the divorce really nasty. The article was spot on with don’t miss him, miss the life. That is what I find for myself. No matter how bad it was, it was a life together, and I am sure when another year goes by I will feel even better! I hope with each passing day you find it easier and are more comfortable. I know it is not easy but really, it will get better, I did not believe it, but it’s true! Good luck to you!
For me, I took a look at things in my life that were that way because it was what my exwife wanted. No malice, just workedout that way in the give and take of married life. It started with rearranging some furnature.
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