Things Single Moms of Young Boys Say That Shouldn’t Also Be Said on Dates

Put your penis away.

No, you can’t sleep in my bed.

Quit begging, it’s annoying.

One day you’ll enjoy kissing girls.

It’s OK that it’s hard. Just stop touching it.

You already know where where babies come from. I’m not explaining it again.

You’re embarrassing me in public.

I’m embarrassing you in public? That’s part of my job.

No, you can’t see my vagina.

Stop trying to see my breasts.

If you finish your dinner I’ll give you a special treat.

Fine, but only for five minutes and I’m setting a timer.

No, I won’t look to see if you have a butt rash.

No, I won’t blow on it.

Want me to kiss it and make it better?

Stop touching me.

For God’s sake, keep your pants on.