Monday night, April 13, 2015, continued
My sense of self got lost toward the end of my marriage. I’m not sure of the exact date and time I lost myself, but I remember folding laundry one day. It just came to me. Suddenly I had the thought, “my light is dimming.” My light, my sparkle, my spirit—whatever it is that makes us shine when we are right with the world and living fully. The thought of my spirit dying was scarier than physical death and seemed more wrong than anything else. And I’d also noticed a dullness in my son’s eyes. He was the oldest and his dad’s moods were affecting him, too. That’s when I knew I had to face stuff I’d shipped over to Denial Land and make some tough choices.
Anne Sexton has a poem called An Awful Rowing Toward God. I don’t know what Sexton meant by “God.” But I see it as the divine spark that lives within each one of us. This spark somehow connects us to each other and to the world around us. It’s the thing that leaves when we die. When we speak of “the light going out” of a person’s eyes, I think this is like a piece of “God.” When our spirit flame dims while we are still very much alive physically, we are fast becoming the living dead. It’s worse than physical death. Much, much worse.
But the price of getting my spirit back has been high. I can feel my light getting stronger, but it is a different light. I feel I am getting acquainted with a stranger. So this is my awful, wonderful rowing toward Self, the self that carries the light.
And finding out I am a descendent of some wacky ass, ancient line of fairies and, as such, have this ill-defined larger purpose is, well, you know…strange! At the same time, the more Maude and Irving explain things to me, the more I feel I am going home. Nuts as it is, I feel the truth of it deep within me.
[Back at Phoebe’s house…The power is out.]
Phoebe has come back from the garage, where she bumped into the mysterious Julian. She brought the box of candles, lamps and flashlights. Now, the room is merrily lit by candles and fire and Phoebe, Maude, Irving, Lucy and Cooper are having tea while the storm continues to rage all around.
Phoebe: If I have to be a fairy, I want super powers. Do fairies have special traits?
Irving: They do indeed.
Maude: Yes, yes! Fairies are known for lots of things. Let’s see…they are strong-willed, stubborn, contrary and vain.
Irving (nodding): Not the best listeners, have odd humors…
Maude: Can be grumpy in the morning, a bit self-involved…
Irving: They procrastinate like the dickens…
Maude: High sex drive (Cooper perks up), love sparkly things and can be shopaholics if not careful.
(Maude winks at Phoebe)
Cooper: So, basically, if I’ve got this right, Phoebe can just be herself and repel not only evil but, possibly, non-evil too while having a healthy sex life in the meantime? Cause if she needs help with the sex part…
Phoebe: Hey! Remember me over here? Recently divorced person. A species known for low self-esteem with strong need for positivity and healing. What did you do, get crib notes from my ex?
Irving: The list goes on if anyone is interested.
Phoebe: If I have to listen to the rest of that list, let me just excuse myself while I go get a fifth of Jim Beam.
Cooper: Also, I thought fairies could fly and shit.
Irving: Very few human-sized fairies have undiluted gravity enhancement skills anymore.
Lucy: Gravity enhancement?
Irving: Internal and external manipulation of gravity, more or less.
Phoebe: What about my wand? What the heck am I supposed to do with it?
Maude: That’s a longer conversation.
Phoebe: Could I wave it and fill my bank account, then fly to Fiji?
Maude: I’m afraid it doesn’t work that way, dear.
Phoebe: Well, shoot. I want my money back.
Lucy: Aren’t fairies more attuned to the natural world? You know. Like the classical fairy illustrations with gauzy gowns and flower wreaths. Aren’t they known for their role in nature?”
Maude: Smart girl!
Irving: Exactly so. Phoebe will have a latent ability to understand trees, water and all existing matter in Nature. She will even, with sufficient practice, know how to harness Nature’s powers.
Phoebe: What do you mean by “understand trees”?
Irving: Well their language, of course. You can hear them talking.
Phoebe: No I can’t.
Maude: Of course you can, dear.
Phoebe: No, really. I can’t
Maude: You are simply resisting right now.
Irving: Frankly, I can see how it might be a little overwhelming.
Phoebe: Does anyone remember I am 50 years old and have three children? Because I am over here remembering that, and I am not sure people my age who are responsible parents should play around with things like wands and, and….gravity and talking to trees. I’ve already been locked up once, so…not going there again.
Phoebe (looks at Lucy and Cooper): Oops. I guess you didn’t know that about me, but yeah…I’m better now. Almost never wear that aluminum foil hat anymore. Is anyone else craving a shot of bourbon?
[Lucy and Cooper seem uncomfortable]
Lucy: So…what about the rest of the traits? You mentioned there were many more that might be, um, more on the upside of fairydom.
Irving: Well, in addition to having hair that seems to style itself, a fairy’s hair can change appearance from day to day. It’s a part of their chameleon-like ability to blend in.
Maude: But, then again, sometimes they stick out…
Irving: Their scent is intoxicating…especially to certain species.
Phoebe: What kind of superpower is that?
Maude: You’d be surprised…
Irving: Perfect sense of direction. Plus they love fresh air, children and animals.
Maude: Very artistic, natural story tellers and can make a decent soup and salad.
Irving: They fight for the underdog and…
Maude: …beguile, stun and confound, if needed.
Irving: They can make a plan, is what I was going to say.
(Maude musses Irving’s hair and smiles)
Phoebe: So that’s it? I’m basically like all other women except…
Cooper: You know, she’s right. It really does read like the scarier Match.com profiles I’ve seen…
Phoebe: …except I can leap, confound, not get lost and what was that last lame thing?
Lucy: Make a plan. But, maybe that’s not so lame! Some people can’t do that.
Phoebe: Right, I can make a plan. Yes. Fantastic. Forget building a business and a new life for myself. I am now fully empowered to fight the forces of darkness by making a plan and leaping into a tree. When do I start?”
[A few blocks away…the power is also out]
A middle-aged woman named Dixie hears a crash outside near her potting shed. She looks out the window, but, even with all the lightning, she can’t see what’s out there. Just movement and noise. She thinks it might be her cat, Chester, who’s been missing a few days. She’d been scared that the rabid coyotes reported to be in the area had gotten hold of him. Although wearing curlers and a bathrobe, she gets an umbrella and flashlight to investigate.
Dixie: Chester? Is that you?
A shadow moves through the rain swept Camelia bush.
Dixie: Come on big guy. Come to mama. Poor thing must be soaked through… Come on.
Something approaches Dixie and her eyes widen.
Dixie: You! I know you…
She screams, and the umbrella and flashlight fall to the cracked driveway.
[Back to Phoebe’s house…]
Cooper: So, just for the sake of argument, what’s Phoebe’s actual mission?
Maude and Irving: Mission?
Cooper: Yeah, you know. Why are you here to tell Phoebe she’s a fairy-human and why do you follow her around—which is technically stalking. Assuming this is for real, which is still up for grabs, why tell her now? You mentioned something about dark forces, but this is St. Simons, home of sun, fun and a good deal of boredom in winter.
(Lucy nods apologetically to Phoebe)
Irving (to Phoebe): You know he’s very bright, this one.
Phoebe: To that same point…what IS my mission? The purpose of all this female-stereotype strength would be…what, exactly?
Maude: Oh, that’s easy! The prophecy is singular in this regard.
Phoebe, Lucy and Cooper: “Prophecy?”
Irving: Yes. The “mission,” as you put it, is to help bring about the greater good in all things and restore balance.
Phoebe (Yawns): There is nothing crystal OR clear about that statement.
Irving: Why it’s clear as the North Star.
Cooper: Nope. I’m sorry, but that shit’s confusing as hell.
[Maude and Irving look at Lucy]
Lucy (Also yawns): Completely confused over here, sorry…
[Lucy takes long sip of tea and looks at her watch]
Phoebe: And, Cooper’s right, why now?
[Maude and Irving look at each other]
Irving: The timing is crucial…due to what’s coming. That Full Moon last week was a rare Blood Moon and part of an eclipse tetrad that some believe to be a sign. I am still keeping an ear to the ground and gathering details on the meaning of it.
Maude: The werewolves were just the beginning.
Cooper: You see, it’s statements like that. Werewolves. You say it like it’s so everyday. You know. Honey, would you go pick up some milk at the Piggly Wiggly and, by the way, watch out for the werewolves in the checkout line? I mean, I know I brought them up the other night, but I think maybe I mixed the rum drinks a little too much on the rum side.
Phoebe: This is all very interesting. Really it is. But I am afraid I have run out of fairy dust and my mission right now is to go to go to sleep. And, after I go to sleep, I may wake up in the morning. When that happens, my mission is to finish unpacking the studio and fixing it up so the customers flock. Sleep here if you want. Blankets and pillows are in those boxes on the kitchen table. There’s plenty of space, so spread out and make yourselves comfortable. But I’m going to bed now. Sleep tight. Don’t let the creatures of the night, well, you know…bite.