Yes, I know that sounds strange, but here’s the deal- I was very unhappy in my marriage. Miserable is another word that could be used to describe how I felt. I was so unhappy that my unhappiness consumed me 24/7. I would spend all my time trying to convince myself that no, I hadn’t fallen out of love with my husband; it was just a rough patch that all marriages go through. I would lie in bed every night telling myself that in 13 years when my daughter would turn 18 that I could finally leave and be happy. My husband and I had talked about getting a divorce a couple of times and inevitably I would chicken out and tell my husband that I didn’t want to go through with it. The reason was that I had so much guilt about ripping our family apart and having to tell my daughter that the reason she has two homes is because Mommy was bored. I had also helped raise my stepson from the age of 4-12, and he was at the age that our divorce would really impact him and not in a good way. He and I had a great relationship and both loved each other.
My husband and I tried marriage counseling, but that didn’t help either. We didn’t have a friendship, and to be honest my husband bored me to tears. He had no friends and only had one interest, which were sports. We spent most of our free time on the couch vegging in front of the TV. Not a healthy or productive marriage to say the least.
It was December 27th, 2014 when I got the call from my husband’s mistress whom he met on ashleymadison.com to let me know about their year and a half long affair. She proceeded to tell me that they would fuck in my bed while I was at work; she spent the weekend at my house when I was out of town attending my aunt’s funeral. She spent a week at my house when my daughter and I were visiting my sister in California. The kicker was that she had met my daughter!!! Ya, that’s right! My husband was dumb enough to have his mistress meet up at a park with my daughter and her daughter for a playdate. Once I heard all of this, as heartbroken and pissed off that I was I realized that this was my “get out of my marriage guilt free” card. I made my husband stay in the hotel the night I found out about the affair and moved out of our family home a month after. Our divorce was final 3 ½ months later. It has now been 10 months since the bomb hit. I am happier than I have been in many years. I don’t have someone micromanaging my every move, telling me what pot to use to boil water, how to load a dishwasher and tell me what we were having dinner every night. I still have days of sadness and anger, but those are dwindling as time goes on. I have forgiven him, not for him but for myself. Every day I try to find ways to better myself spiritually, emotionally and physically. My goal in life is to be the best mom, person, friend, sister, daughter that I can be. My ex? He’s still with his ashleymadison lover living in their complete dysfunction. I’ve yet to get an apology from him, but that’s ok. In hindsight he did me a favor, I am now living the life I so badly wanted 13 years before I ever thought I could.
Nadine steele says
Very strange how similar my story is too yours except mine was in 2011! Fast forward 4 years later, remarried to an awesome man and the love of my life, kids are doing well and I am very, very happy! My ex went on to marry his mistress and I really don’t care at all, he’s her headache now and I was able to get out of the marriage guilt free, I did what I could to save it!
Nadine, Thank you for your comment. I’m glad to hear you and your family are doing so well and that you have met the love of your life. I will bet anything that my ex will marry his mistress as well and boy will she be in for a fun ride! (enter sarcasm) Have a wonderful day and thanks again for your comment.
So strange to hear someone say all this out loud. Most of my friends and family really don’t know how bad things were. My x had several other woman and I learned of others I knew but was blind to. The divorce was the best thing for me except that he has told my teen sons I had the affair.
Thank you for your comment. I’m sorry your ex is lying to your sons. What a douche bag! Kind of goes with the territory of a cheating A hole. You are much better off. Enjoy your freedom.
Kate, I can relate to every word. I wrote something very similar a few months ago. https://divorcedmoms.com/blogs/redeemedmama/my–husbands-affair-was-the-best-thing-to-happen-to-me. You are not alone in this journey.
So refreshing to read this from your side of the fence. When I first found out about my ex’s infidelity, my first thought was literally “this is my get out of jail free card!” Then I got all scared and stayed with him for three more tortorous years. During that time I was trying to rebuild my marriage which is laughable since I wasn’t the one who cheated.
At any rate someone from an infidelity forum pointed me towards a book with almost the same title as your article. Something about how her husband’s affair was the best thing that ever happened to her marriage. Bleck! What drivel! Whenever I see that title I get a flash back and it sort of makes my stomach turn but I was pleasantly surprised by your story. It’s awesome!