I am writing this blog anonymously, so I will just say I live where it is cold. Very cold. And snowy. There is tons of snow.
So I have not been running. Sub zero temps is not my idea of fun. Also dodging snow mounds, ice and slush in my running shoes sounds horrific. So I have pretended running doesn’t exist. Also I am on a strict budget and pretty much can’t afford weather appropriate running clothes. And I am clumsy so not running on ice is safer.
But geez, I miss it. My legs and butt miss it. Unwanted jiggling has returned. Belly pudge has returned. And back pain has returned. I never noticed it was gone due to running, but it has returned since I have not been running.
I think I wrote before about the freedom I felt while running. I miss that too.
Thankfully there has been a break in the weather. Snow and Ice are melting. The days are getting longer, so there will be more light in the evening.
I also miss running because its something my boys and I have done together. They enjoy it and need it as much as I do.
I don’t think I will join a running group this year, again due to my budget, but I don’t really need the group, although it was great for meeting people.
I just need to get back at it. I know it will be tough at first.
But lots of things this year have been tough at first.
Just add starting running again to the list.
I saw my running shoes sitting in the bottom of the closet the other day. And I remembered how proud I was of myself this past summer when I ran my first 5k without stopping once to walk.
It just reminded me that I am strong, that I can accomplish my goals, despite what I have been told for the last 13 years. I can do whatever I set my mind too. I know I can. That finishers medal hanging on my wall proves it.
I can escape the control someone has tried to have over me. I can escape the fears of not being good enough. I can do what his words said I couldn’t.
I can be what he said I would never be. Running makes me forget about all his bullying, and torture.
Running was a big part of what made me decide enough was enough. He didn’t support my running until it was too late. He laughed at me. Made fun of me for running and training. Until I finally signed up for a run. Then he wanted to support me, wanted to run with me even. I didn’t let him. It was too late. He didn’t support me when I needed it.
I often wonder if I had someone’s support, if I would be at my goal weight. If I would be finishing a 5k in under 30 minutes. But then I realize I am the only one who can get myself there. It would have been nice to have his support, but I need to support myself. I need to push myself to do the things I want to do. I can’t rely on anyone else to get me where I am going. And I know I have said this here in this blog, but I have always had the support of my boys, and my mother and sister. And that is wonderful. But I hope to get to a point in my life where I don’t feel I need to be supported. I am trying. And running will help me get there.
I am the only one that can run down my dreams.