He is your ex. You don’t want to be with him. Ever.
His children, they have no choice right? They have to be with him when it’s “his day”. Right?
But what do you do when one of them doesn’t want to be with him? I honestly don’t know. I mean one side of my brain thinks, “I can’t blame the kid.” But the other side of my brain thinks, “Hey Mom, you do your days (plus some of his) why shouldn’t he have to do his days?”
And sometimes I break down and let Bubba stay with me. Even when it’s his dad’s day. Why?
A. I don’t like to be alone as much as I anticipated.
B. It breaks my heart that he doesn’t want to go to his dad’s so much that he is in tears.
C. A tiny little part of me is delighted that he “likes me more.” Childish, I know, but we have been through a lot in the last year, so I will enjoy this one small moment.
My older boy Bubba, has always been, and will always be, a mamas boy. He was born a week past his due date. I had to evict. He just didn’t want to leave.
And that is pretty much how he has been every day for the past 12 years. He cried on the first day of school every year until the 4th grade. He just didn’t want to be away form me.
And he still doesn’t. There isn’t anything bad happening at his dads house.
A. He doesn’t like that his dad isn’t here in our house.
B. He hates where his dad lives.
C. It’s too far to ride bikes with his friends.
D. He hates his dad’s girlfriend. She lives with him.
E. He just prefers to be with me.
I guess maybe they don’t have much in common. That is likely the problem. Plus he is a mamas boy.
Denver on the other hand, sometimes he says he doesn’t want to go to his dad’s, he always goes, but then there are times he doesn’t want to come here with me either. And this breaks my heart too, just as much as Bubba crying that he doesn’t want to go. But I can tell you when Denver says he doesn’t want to come here, he does anyway. His father is not keeping kids when it isn’t his day. Believe that.
Divorce is obviously tough on kids. There is no denying that. And when you tell people you are getting a divorce that’s their second question:”How are the kids taking it?”
Divorce should come with a handbook. Heck, life should come with a handbook. But then no one would read it anyway. And we still wouldn’t know what to do.
So I guess I have said all of this to say, I don’t know what to do in this situation. We agreed to 50/50 custody. No child support. Should I let Bubba stay with me when it is his dad’s day? Probably not. But sometimes I do. But, and here is the big but, I always leave it up to my ex to decide. I don’t let him come here with me unless his dad says it’s okay. He always says it’s okay. I figure if he doesn’t mind then he can’t complain that Bubba doesn’t spend enough time with him.
Like I said they have little in common so its easier to let him be with me.
I wish I had all the answers. But divorce is complicated. Life is complicated.
photo credit: the kids, with their heavy backpacks, head out to the bus via photopin (license)