It wasn’t the fact that I put the Keurig up to brew a cup of my favorite Green Mountain Breakfast Blend but forgot to put the cup underneath.
It wasn’t the fact that I was getting my hair done, but it looked nicer today than it had in months.
It WAS the fact that my appointment was set for today at 10AM, yet when I arrived at 10:05, the salon was black and locked.
C’mon, it was only 5 minutes. They surely did not close because I was a few minutes late?!?!
Tech savvy and quite the business person, my stylist is ahead of many other salons. If you make an appointment, it automatically generates an email, text, and an iCal invite to accept. If you pay your bill, you are automatically emailed a receipt.
She has thought of it all.
So what i going on now? I check the text I received when I scheduled this appointment a few weeks ago. Nope, today is the day. I keep those texts because my brain is like a colander to drain pasta. I can put it on my calendar, but still forget about it. Life fills my brain and distracts me from almost everything that is “me-centered”.
I am standing shivering in the cold, my hands shaking, attempting to message her on Facebook. Gradually at 10:15, others appear, wondering what is going on, some angry, others just annoyed that they would have hat-head for the day if she shop did not open.
Back up to last night… scrolling through my FB page, I see my stylist with a really handsome guy. Very out of character for her. Her posts usually show her beautiful body that she obtained by kicking ass in the gym. Her pictures show her at the latest hair conventions, and with her gal pals, shopping and doing female centered activities that suggest that they could have men if they wanted them, they just choose to NOT have them at the moment.
Self made, she started her incredibly successful shoppes ( yes, plural, and yes, spelled the fancy way) on her own. Her family is blue collar and in her words, gave her nothing to get started, because they couldn’t.
Sometimes I envy her drive. No, I always envy her drive. So, what the heck happened today.
Back to FB. She is standing in her beautiful kitchen with a beautiful man. She is in her early 30s, and has never been married.
The caption reads “with my love”.
(gag)
I am happy for her. I know she has spoken about wanting to have kids before she is unable to do so. I zoom in on the picture… no engagement ring yet.
!0:20, she finally appears. By now, the staff has started to show up. She looks a little ragged, as if she had spend a little too much time in bed with her new love.
Jealous and annoyed, I watch her as she shakes out her keys, and screams CRAP, I don’t have the keys to open. Looking a bit embarrassed, she calls her assistant who has the second set of keys to open.
Briefly, she looks like a school girl, caught, then retreats to her Range Rover to wait in the warmth. Me and my roots are getting more and more annoyed as I start to think.
Is this what love does?
Is this what men do to us?
Can a woman have both passion, and her own life?
Is this really successful woman being an air-head simply because of a man?
Did I ever behave that way?
I don’t have any of the answers to these questions. In fact, I have more questions… lots of thoughts and questions.
Can she or any of us experience that passion yet be aware of the silly way it makes us behave.
When I finally find myself caped up and sitting in her chair, I watch her mix the color, then look at me, dump the mixture and start again. Clearly, she is happy as my sister in Neiman Marcus.
I briefly worry about allowing her to color my hair. What if love made her brain all scrambled? She certainly would not be the first.
When she finally comes back to the chair, I make a joke ( I was honestly nervous) and asked her if she had the correct color for me.
Yes, this lady was in love. She proceeded to do my hair, more talkative than usual, but ever so slightly different than her usual cold business like persona.
She got it right; she always did. My hair looked great. It always did when I left her shoppe. It was the only reason I stood in the cold for almost half an hour.
I left feeling younger and quite a bit sad. I missed that feeling.
Are those days gone?
Will I ever have the feelings again? I have blocked them out for so long. I wonder again, if it is worth another try.
I just came across your blog and have read quite a few posts so far. I am amazed at how many things I have read that seem like I wrote them…so many of the feelings that you have put into words, I have them too!!! It is a comfort that someone else out there feels the same way. I am a single mom of 3, my divorce will be final in a couple weeks, but he moved out 2 years ago. It is a whole new way of life with some pros and some cons…but it is no doubt, more peaceful and that is huge for both me and my kids. Looking forward to reading more and please know that people really do benefit from just knowing there are others in the same boat!!