It’s no secret to those who are a part of my life, and I certainly have hinted at it here. Life has been more than a little challenging lately. I don’t need to go through the list, but a general wrap up, Reader’s Digest version would look something like this: Money, Real Estate Agent sucks, House, yes, House again, Money again, lonely, my health, middle son planning for college.
Anyway, I am sarcastic by nature. I am the glass half empty realist person. Life has changed me, maybe not for the better in some ways. Where I used to see a flower, and grab my sketch pad and pencils, I now see a flower and wonder when it wither away and die.
I hate what I think sometimes, and because of that, I am taking this time, before Thanksgiving, to express some gratitude for all that is good in my life.
So, in no particular order, I intend to do some “free thinking” and not get out of this chair until I can come up with a list of at least ten things in my life that should make me want to grab my sketching tools and see the beauty that I used to see.
I have been told that the only true control that we have are our thoughts. So, for those of you who may be struggling as this holiday season begins, I challenge you to do the same. Make a list, and use that list to think some beautiful thoughts and maybe they spread in our minds and create some beauty.
Let’s see how I do… in no particular order… OK, mind, don’t let me down.
1. Of course, I have to start with my children. I love them. We all love our children. But I am thankful that I have them around me to inspire me to be evidence of the good I can do. I have taught them loyalty and generosity. They demonstrate their kindness every day to each other and to me. When I look at them, the world doesn’t seem so hopeless. Maybe I need to look at them a little more.
2. I can write this. Finding some outlet really helps. So, I guess, if you don’t have an outlet to express your frustration, that might be an avenue to find self healing.
3. BFF. She knows what to say. When I don’t answer, I get this, like I did today:
Morning … trying to leave you be, I know you are frustrated, but I will keep stopping by to say hi and hope you are up to talking again soon.
Know i am here…
To which I answered:
I cannot NOT speak to you
I am lucky to have someone with whom I can be completely honest in my life. I am grateful for the friendship. In the past almost decade, it has helped me more than anyone can imagine.
4. Money has been tight. I have written about having multiple streams of income. Ebay has been my friend. So, what am I thankful for? Well, I am grateful that I own some lovely and beautiful things to sell. Life is a circle and at this finite point in the circle, I need the money more than I need so many beautiful blouses. They are a reminder of the life I once had, not the one I am trying to build. I no longer drive a Mercedes. I do not have the life to support having so many beautiful blouses; let someone else enjoy them. As retailers struggle with so many people reading the Konmari book, and people who are building capsule wardrobes, I am finding beauty in the empty space I am building. The clutter of things drain me. The standard of sparking joy has come in handy as I sort through my life. It helps as I plan to find that certain buyer for my home. It helps as I supplement my income. It cleanses me as I shed some once pleasant memories.
5. I am smart. BFF said the other day that she is impressed that I am still standing. I never want sympathy… maybe some empathy. It was really nice to hear that someone recognized that I have worked so hard and used some smarts to keep some real crap from falling apart. I admit to myself, freely now, as I never would before, that I am smart. I have the ability to fix things. I will continue to praise myself and muster up all the positivity that I can. Believe me, I need it.
6. I want to sell my home, but I HAVE A HOME to sell. Enough said. It is loud, and messy, and the smaller of my dogs will shred the mail unless I get there first, but I have a home, and yes, that dog will cuddle up with me and I am grateful for the doggies as well.
7. My children are healthy. For all the suffering and sadness that people have, I count my blessings daily. I can deal with the trouble, just let my kids be ok.
8. Music. I have a lot of it. I have my divorce, tough woman play list. It has helped through divorce, and I dragged it out again lately, and have played it on an endless loop. Music does heal, but it is also a pleasant distraction. I embrace anything that makes me happy, even if it is transient.
9. A glass of red wine. ( with some 70’s music… c’mon, pure happiness)
10. Tomorrow comes, and it comes with hope. It always does.