Generally speaking, I am a raise the middle finger under the steering wheel sort of person.
I try to avoid conflict wherever possible, and wait for the mighty karma to do its thing. Whether it be the idea of ethics that has always been a part of my life or the acquired hope that doing good brings good, I have lived my life expecting that my positive actions and kindness will bring about more of the same.
Sadly, this has not always been the case. I wait. I wait for karma to bring about the converse of my expectations. The do-er of badness will be repaid in kind.
I don’t wish badness upon people in general. I do still live in hope that kindness is rewarded with kindness, and bad behavior ceases to be rewarded.
Divorced for some time, I am still finding my way. I was careful in my divorce proceedings. I feared angering him, as if he had some power to hurt me. I still live in some fear of his disapproval, I don’t know why. There have been only a few times over the past few years that I threw caution to the wind and responded with the emotions that I so long had suppressed. Each time, he came back and responded peacefully. It must be difficult to live with guilt.
I have maintained peace with the new x-wife, in spite of my suspicions that she was present prior to the actual divorce. If not her, then someone else, for sure.
I have bit my tongue… karma… when will you appear? What form will you take? I tried to live in peace, in spite of the fact that certain issues continued to eat away at my solitude.
Say what you want about me, I cry in private and move on; but interfere with my children, and I turn mama bear.
Second wife did just this last week when she attempted to interfere with my eldest son’s relationship with her husband, his father, my ex-husband.
I texted to intervene and assist. I was kind and asked for little. In so many words, I apologized for interfering. I requested that she work with me, instead of against me, as I continue to work with my son and his father to re-build the relationship that had suffered so in the divorce. He was the eldest child. He knew what went on, and he watched him mom, me, shed a lot of tears.
Her response to me was an all out attack. How dare I? It is her home!! She doesn’t approve of me because I allowed the gf of son#1 live with us last summer… ( Hypocrisy oozing from the text messages as my middle son reminded me that he initially found out about her by finding her shampoo and pregnancy test in dad’s house before they knew of her existence). She told me she will not respond to me as there is no reason to do so..
I lol’d at her, and told her she was so scary… and that we were not done with the conversation. ( Who knew I could text so quickly…. honestly, my speed would have made my 12 year old proud.)
My hands shaking as my phone exploded from the flow of the insults. I told her to put her claws away. It did not work. She told me that I had no right to intervene in her home. I said where it concerns my kids, I certainly do.
It wasn’t pretty; and I am not proud. I reminded her that I have been kind to her. I have given toys and clothes that my own daughter had outgrown. I even drove her to the dance recital….
Finally, I warned her. I said the following: I have been nice to you. I did not deserve your attack, and I will not put up with it anymore. I would not be so sure of myself if I were you… you could be in my place one day…. and since I ALWAYS HAVE MY EX-HUSBAND’S EAR WHEN IT COMES TO THE CHILDREN, I am blocking you on my phone, and saying a final FUCK OFF.
Shaking and crying, I passed my phone to my son and said block her fast.
Fearing immediate repercussion from my EX, I called him.
Screaming into the phone when he answered, I reminded him of my kindness to maintain peace over the years. He quietly, and almost apologetically said he would investigate… I said that I don’t need the results of his investigation… just read the texts and understand that I will no longer allow this crap to go on.
He messaged me later. Just as my texts to his wife had a screaming tone; his came across as a whisper. His message had to do with nonsense. It was as if he wanted to gauge my response.
I have heard nothing since.
So, end of the story… I still hope for karma. I will not change who I am, but that “fuck off” felt ever so good.
I hate to say it, but you were in the wrong on this one. It is not really your responsibility to repair the damage done to your son and ex’s relationship. You can certainly try to encourage a healthy relationship, but beyond that it’s between your ex and your son. So unless the new wife does something that physically harms your son or threatens your relationship with him then she and your ex have every right to live as they please and raise him as they see fit in their house. You should not have intervened and the fact that you engaged in an angry and expletive laced text message tirad with the new wife clearly indicates that you have some unresolved anger issues. If my ex-wife ever did that to me or my future wife (should I ever choose to remarry) I would be absolutely furious — and she would be told that under no circumstances would she ever be allowed to that again. So if you’re expecting any ‘karma-justice’ from this, then it is you who should be looking over your shoulder.
Typical response from a man..im assuming your a man. Your not a mother and she had every right to defend her son. Men seem to change and roll over when they get in a new relationship becuz they’ve learned what to do from US…if they treated us the way the new GF or Wife is treated we wouldn’t be having this conversation. Men do not know how to balance a new relationship and being a dad. The new GF or Wife always seem to be the the one in charge…Somehow the children always get short changed. She did what any mother would do and quite honestly..that bitch is lucky she was dealing with her. I think her words were far to nice. That wench needed to mind her own business and as far as your concerned..you sound like one of those men who will be walking around with your next whatever with your balls in her hand.
Be careful attempting to diagnose others. Your hostility towards my response suggests a little anger there. My son came to me for assistance and that is what moms do. She was out of line attempting to keep my son from his father. As it happens , things have been a great deal better since I intervened and if she does not like it, then she should not have married an older man with three children. My ex is not angry with me; he knows how hard I have worked to rebuild his relationship with his kids after he left. And by the way, her house or not she has no right to “raise him” as she sees fit.
Perfect reply…dont mess with our kids..these women all play the game that they love our kids till they have there claws in them and men don’t know how to tell them to stay out it. Trust me I’ve been dealing with it and now my kids don’t even bother to want to even go on vacation with them I’ve tried desparately to suggest to my ex how to create a loving nurturing relationship with them but his only concern is doing that for his GF…his loss!