BFF Please Don’t Read This One!

I had sex in a car. It just happened. YES, even at days away from being 49, those things can happen. I tried to tell you carefully today. You missed it in our chat box. I said that I am an idiot. but I think you let that blend in with all the other self-depracating things that I say on any other day of the week.

I met him on Match. He lives a bit too far away to make it convenient. Which, after having jackrabbit sex in a car, makes that far more intriguing that it did these past weeks as he told me how beautiful and sexy I am.

So, if you are reading this now, please do not hate me. I hope you are laughing, just a little bit, at my stupidity. Or at least, will skip the lecture.

I have, after all, no one to answer to. I don’t feel cheap. I did not particularly have a great time, but it was something adult. Something that did not have anything to do with children or paying bills or earning a living. I felt sneaky and sexy and decadent. Today, I just feel stupid.

I don’t seem to have an issue getting gentlemen to commit undying love, which of course, he did. He would be here no matter whether I wanted a relationship or if I wanted more bunny sex.

Maybe it is me. Maybe I am the one with the problem. I invite people, then I send them away. I look for reasons: dirty talk, Hanes underwear, distance. Last night, it was all of the above. I have narrowed finding the love of my life to a 7 mile radius of men who are divorced, who do not wear Hanes and do not become dirty talkers when they climax. Oh, and if you are way past 40 and have never been married, don’t bother. There must be more wrong with you than talking dirty in my ear.
Not too much to ask.

Maybe, I really prefer to be alone. Maybe I prefer the control. No, I swear I do want to meet a man, or do I ?? Have I purposely created such an exclusionary list? Yes! I have lived though enough. At my age, it has to fit like a glove. It’s my way or the highway.

Sex in a car? I dreamt of getting arrested and having to explain that to my kids as they laughed at me. Only BFF looked at me and shook her head. I’m sorry I said. Please don’t be disappointed in me.