OK, I failed! I have been a member at Match for 6 months, but I have not been a success according to their standards. I fall into that subpar group of folks who have not met the love of their lives within six months.
I called yesterday to take advantage of the six month guarantee… Unfortunately, I did not read clearly, because when I signed up, I was pretty sure that this meant that I was to get a refund. Well, not so much…. I called Match.com to find out that I was instead going to be interrogated by a Match Agent about my experiences at Match…. What have my dates been like? Have I been following up with people who contact me? Was I willing to expand my search parameters? Well, nope, not really. I am not really interested in meeting someone who lives an hour away; it just is not convenient. Maybe I am too sensitive, but there was an implied element of blame because of my lack of success.
Frustrated by the direction of the call, and trying to end this before there was some suggestion that there was something wrong with my pictures, I asked what the Six Month Guarantee means. Apparently, the 6 month guarantee actually refers to 6 months of free time. So, regrettably, I told her that she could go ahead and add my free months to my dating profile.
So, as I planned to say good-bye, and release myself from the habit of checking to see who visited my profile, and as I planned the great novels I would write with the wasted time, I asked myself a question. Would I miss it??? I had planned to be free from the daily emails received… and the flirts, and the suggested matches. I had planned to refocus any of that wasted time on my job search, and on my family ( and the Pulitzer, of course )
To be honest, as I always am, I did feel a twinge of sadness at the loss of hope. Each day that I had the possibility of visiting the site, held the hope that that was going to be the day… it would be the day that I meet HIM. Making that phone call to Match, that sadness came to light, and it is with my new “free” six months, I forge ahead with hope, as I start ANEW.
OK, more likely, I slowly push ahead, with sarcasm, and keep my hopes hidden. I guess it is like the lottery that I keep complaining about. I don’t actually play, so it doesn’t make a lot of sense that I complain that I did not win.
Please don’t feel badly about these online dating sites, they are really awful in my opinion.
After my husband of 34 years walked out of our marriage 18 months ago, my self esteme, and ego were severely damaged, and thought, why not go out and try dating, since I hadn’t dated since 1979 when I met my boyfriend/husband, and married in 1980.
Well, I started with JDate since I am Jewish, but because I live in Northwestern Washington State, this site pulled prospective dates from Canada or down in Seattle-2 hours away from Bellingham where I live. So I cancelled this subscription, and tried Match.com a few months later. Because I was 56 years old, I fell into the age bracket of the 55 to 65 years, and oh boy, the men my age look terrible, older than they claim to be, scuffy, unkept and very self centered, posing with pitchers of beers (I said I wasn’t a drinker on my profile) or their corvettes or large fish they had caught. So, again, I cancelled that dating site.
Many, many months later, I signed up for Our Time for people over 50 yrs, and again, because I was very lonesome, and wanted to possibly meet someone close to my age, who I could be compatible with. Don’t consider myself a “cougar”, and didn’t want to date men too much younger than me. But…. Wow…. the men prospects were rude, crude, disrespectful to me, and women in general, and would send me chat requests like “do you like sex?” or “Nice body” or to that effect, with surnames like “Major Orgasm” and the like. Many times, I would be chatting with some guy, and then, long pauses in between, wondering what they were doing— no, I really didn’t want to know. Gross:-(
The last dating site I tried was Zoosk, and paid for a one month subscription, since it had been over a year since my soon to be ex had left me. I posted a good profile of myself, who is petite, 5’3″ tall, dressed nicely, ans a little about myself too, with my having served 10 years in the Navy and Naval Reserves, love to garden, cook, sew, and like the ballet and theater, since I was trying to “weed-out” those I would not be compatible with. But these men. either didn’t read my profile, or what I was looking for or didn’t care, and the results were pretty much the same as all the rest of the online dating sites. One big fat= ZERO.
Maybe online dating is the thing that young people do to find dates, but for me, I will pass. Whether or not I ever date again, only time will tell, and if I do find someone to go out with, I can see that person up close and personal and decide based on eye to eye contact, if we like one another enough to continue our relationship.
Best to you, and thanks for your article.
Virginia Masters
May 02, 2015
Hi Deborah~ Thank you so much for sharing your experiences, as well as for validating my feelings. For me, I am hoping to meet someone in a more organic manner that comes across as a bit more “honest”. While my experiences have ranged from a bit scary to humorous, each experience seems to have its own problems. Like my diet, I live in hope, so I keep trying, but at one point, I am just going to give up on that method, and stop wasting money on it… maybe buy a really nice gift for myself instead!
Keep on Reading!
~V
Virginia,
I did go on a date from an online site, and is somewhat laughable too; more astounding if I say so.
Soon after my husband left, I signed up on Our Time, you know the site for the over 50 crowd, and one day, a gentleman started chatting with me. He seemed nice, a little over 60, and we decided to meet at one of the local Woods Coffee shops downtown Bellingham, since he lived in Ferndale, the next town north from me. He even showed a sense of humor when I told him to dress casual, and he said he leaves his tux for the second date and thought it was funny.
When I walked into this coffee shop, I glanced over, and a gentleman that I assumed was my date, waved to me from across the room. I should have just walked out right then and there, because this man didn’t even get up from his seat to come over to me and indroduce himself. . He had even gotten himself a cup of coffee, and I wasn’t even late, but on time for our date meetup. I walked over to him, sat down, and then interupted him because I told him I needed to get myself a cup of coffee. He never offered to even buy this girl a cup of coffee. Wow. But again, I sat back down and talked with him.
He told me he was a local college professor, and was origonally from New York, like myself. But, then things got absulutely stunning. He told me he was divorced years ago, and met a young woman, but told her he ddin’t want any more children. But…. she got pregnant, and now they have a 3 year old together. Again, wow, this man was 63 years old with a 3 year old son, who he told me he adored, and spends lots of time with too, while this woman he had a child with works. When I told him I am energetic, he told me he could tell, and that he wasn’t, got up from his chair, and left, without a word to me at all.
Again, wow, I should have stopped going onto these dating sites, but thought this man was just a fluke, a rarity. Haven’t gone out with anyone since then, and us ladies just need to stick together in support and friendship of one another. One day, I even bought the entire series of Sex and the City, and although these women are much younger than me it shows just how important women are to one another as friends and confindants. when Carrie Bradshaw (Sarah Jessica Parker) on the show writes on her blog, “Do women need men to be happy?” I must say, they are just a side track, a diverstion that I just don’t want to deal with, at least right now.
Yes, go, buy yourself something nice too. Every week or so I buy myself bouquets of carnations so I can place them into a vase in my bedroom, and enjoy their aroma every day, because flowers make me happy.
What a story Deborah! Thank you so much for sharing. I have come to think that it just is better, if possible, to meet someone in a more natural, organic way. I still have my membership but I don’t plan on renewing when it expires. Those sites just don’t seem to bring out the best in people. I do know that at my age, I am tired of the games… I wonder when I might meet a man who is also ready for that stage in his life. My experiences, and it sounds like yours, do not resemble the commercials AT ALL!
Keep reading!
~ V.