I used to care…
I no longer do.
It just does not seem to be worth the effort to speak about all the ways that I have grown and worked on my life.
It no longer seems to matter that I have taken to heart anything that I could have possibly done that caused my marriage to fall apart.
I no longer care about updating my photos, or catching myself in the most flattering light.
I am who I am. Take me as I am, or better yet, don’t take me at all.
Why should I care? You need to prove to me that you are worth taking a risk again.
I practice risk aversion behavior. I am my own insurance under-writing company; if I behave in a risky way, and fall in love or lust with a man who hurts me again, it makes it more likely that my life will be messed up in some way. That is not behavior that I can insure or endorse.
My goals have changed.
I am smarter than I was. I have learned new skills.
I am wounded and scarred, but I am better because I have learned so much about myself.
I have learned about sacrifice.
I have learned about challenges.
I have learned about truth and how to manage for myself.
I have learned the beauty of being tired and putting my head on the pillow, but having the money to pay a bill.
MY NAME is on my insurance card.
Pride is a newly re-found sensation for me. Pride, meet Virginia. Virginia, Pride. Thanks for the invite… it’s such a great feeling to be proud of what I have accomplished.
I have made lemonade from lemons.
What I do for myself, I do for me…. I shower, apply make up. I do my hair…. It’s called pride. I do it all for me, and for my kids. I am not trying to attract attention.
I am past being wanted just for my appearance. I have earned more and I deserve better. I want to be loved, even in the morning when my make up sits in the Vera bag, waiting to be applied.
I have learned about the most important choices in life.
I see right through advertising that tells me that 30 dollar shampoo is better than 5.00 swim in it size Pantene. You know what? After all that has gone on in my life, dang it, people still compliment my hair. Go Pantene!
Woo me with truth. Understand that I have not taken a vacation in years, and I am greatly charmed by the small stuff.
Sixty nine is a number that’s all it is; I am not being coy. I know what you imply, but you can infer from my response, that it ain’t happening. Oh, yes… I don’t swallow crap of ANY kind.
You think you have the right to reject me, and others like me because you are awaiting a super-model who will get on her knees in front of you as you grab her hair?
ooops, sorry, I fell off the chair laughing. Have YOU looked in the mirror lately? Try the free porn sites. That’s not real life.
I want to believe that just as I sit here hoping for better, there is better out there, but if there isn’t… oh well…
I will enjoy my precious family and friends…. and that super fab Groupon purchase I made that required me to confirm that I was 21 before I made the purchase. Cleverly packaged like a lovely lipstick… it doesn’t talk back, but if it did, I would simply remove the batteries.
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