He complained about the table… there was too much distance between us. It seemed just perfect to me; I was already planning my escape route to the door, and I had not even touched my salad. Clearly he had been here before, as he waived and stopped to chat with the owner. We both stood still; him making sure that the owner and every other person here recognized saw that we were together, and I folded into myself hoping that I did not see anyone that I knew. This was about honesty, and I knew as soon as I saw him that there was an issue with truth and veracity.
My latest attempt at relationship finding had me reaching out to an untouched population; a man older than myself. As BFF knows, I enjoy, or to be honest, cannot stop myself from looking for logical patterns in my life. I am determined to figure out if there is something to the demographics of my choices that leave me without a partner at this stage in my life.
So, this older gentleman messages me multiple times, and viewed my profile as if it was a tourist attraction. What could be bad? Someone older and established who would see me as a beautiful younger ( ha!) woman. Maybe it was time to give this demographic a try. So I clicked on the profile of this 63 year old man, which prompted a response as instantaneous as an auto-responder. Maybe this should have been my first clue, but it wasn’t, at least consciously. His response was brief, and his words were magical. “You are absolutely beautiful”. The guy had me at hello. The emails went back and forth, and my love of older movies and music appealed to his sensibilities. We truly seemed to have a lot in common, so we went to the next step, which was texting. He wanted my email address, but I am fanatical about having an exit if something makes me uncomfortable. Since email addresses have my last name, I agreed to texting, as I knew I could always block him on my phone.
After much back and forth, we agreed to meet for dinner and a movie, again, with my exit plan clearly mapped out, I took my own car. I carefully planned my day, so that I would have enough time to go to the salon to touch up my roots. I was fearful of looking too old, or of not living up to my image of beauty. I wanted to look like the profile pictures that he liked so much. I had already canceled the date once, due to the impending feeling that I was being watched. Talk of “meant to be” swirled in my head, and made me feel trapped before we even met. I chalked it up to my skittish feelings about relationships and stored those feelings in the back of my head. As someone who is local to me, there were too many questions about my local errands for the day, and I would find myself looking in back of me whenever I left the house.
As soon as I pulled up, and saw him waiting for me, I knew I had been taken. He played the picture game that is so common on dating sites. He used a picture that was taken before the age of digital. This was no iPhone selfie. This was an old picture that bore little or no resemblance to the old dude standing in front of me wearing black walking sneakers. Did he really think I would not notice, or that I would view his attempt to begin a relationship with me, or anyone else as anything but a giant lie? Men are quick to criticize or place information in their profiles about females who fail to be honest in creating their profiles. My immediate fight or flight response took over, but it was too late. I had been seen.
Back at the table, the newer, smaller one that brought us closer together, I must have looked horrified as he touched my hair and attempted to flatter me with compliments. As the waiter put the menus and cards with various specials on the table, I pointed to the one at the top, and said I will have that. Nope, I have absolutely no time to assess the menu. No, I would not like any appetizers, and it is unlikely that I will want dessert. Just bring this dish, keep the lights high, and make it snappy.
Conversation was no issue; he took it over as I ate my salad that unfortunately came with the meal. Unless I ate it quickly, they would delay the main course. So, he spoke on and on. First about the beauty of me in real life, then the conversation shifted to aliens living on this earth. No conversational roadmap there. No logical connections, just a blanket statements that biblical references to angels in the Bible are clearly references to UFOs and aliens. The displaced conversation touched on 911 as distraction, and night noises that we hear actually being tunnels being built underground as we sleep. With every statement that he made, I think he could see that he was getting further from his prize- ME. He shook his head in dismay, but continued along the same path, with yet more talk of aliens and people, I guess myself included, who are too stupid to understand that FEMA is purchasing up land to pack people into cities, and aliens already having infiltrated our government. His failure to see that I was at minimum confused at the choice of conversation was deeply disturbing to say the very least. Just how disturbing this conversation was hit me in the middle of the night last night when I awoke to hear some sort of animal knocking over my garbage can. Visions of aliens building tunnels under my home kept me awake for several more hours, trying to laugh, but instead, strangely fearful.
I think it was me who motioned for the check. Unfortunately, he did not pay with cash, so I had to wait for the credit card to be processed. As we left the restaurant, he asked me my feelings about moving forward with this relationship. I think he already knew the answer.
So what am I left with? Was it the age that made him strange? Do I eliminate the older demographic as a possibility for a future mate? Random feelings…
– A lie is a lie.
– Compliments that follow lies have no value.
– Follow your instinct. That inner voice in your head that says something is not right, is usually correct. That “still, small voice” won’t fail you.
– It is OK to be alone with yourself.
– I will never again choose the company of another because someone else expects me to.
– After many hours of thought, I can still say that I do not want to live my life alone. While there are many out there who do not fit what I want, I live in hope that there is someone out there for me. Hopefully not an alien 😉