For all of the pleasure that writing this blog gives me, today, I was literally moved to tears by a reader. Apparently, my post written earlier this week was moving for people who read it. Whenever I think I am going to run out of things to say, life happens. Life is the best inspiration for me to put my hands on the keyboard. Truth resonates; putting truth on “paper” is one of the greatest joys that I have. So, before I go further, thank you for reading. I am grateful for your time.
Since that post, I received emails (which are private, so I will not share) and there has been some Facebook interaction, as well as the comment that can be seen here, but for the sake of ease, I am sharing a screen shot here and some other relevant pics. The comment from Juanita is what inspired me to revisit my own experiences.
Juanita, this is for you. I have walked in your shoes, and you are currently walking in mine. I have decided to share with you a photo of the article I referenced earlier in my reply to your comment. Here is a photo of the tattered article that I have carried around through so much LIFE.
Inspired by you, I have decided to re-read the question that I gave to Suze Orman, and revisit to see if I am any more secure in my decisions today, and to see what I have learned all these years later. So, here’s to you Juanita, and all those who take the time to read and comment. It truly rocks my world when I know that something I say is being read and that it motivates someone else to comment. Life is funny. We can be busy with being busy. Slowing down to feel something isn’t always easy to do. It requires objectivity and being present in the moment. Skimming isn’t the same as recognizing yourself in something that you read.
So, to the readers out there, Here goes:
What Have I Learned In The Past 12 Years:
1. Money Matters. Learn all you can. Money is not to be feared; it is to be understood. I have learned that there is a theory; I did not say I understood the theory as of yet. I am still a work in progress.
2. Fear is not your friend. It paralyzes us; it prevents rational people from behaving as rational people. It prevents us from knowing what we know, and from seeing clearly. It adds the fog of London to an otherwise clear day. The worst scenario that we imagine almost never happens. Don’t expect the worst; don’t invite it into your life. If you set an extra place, disaster will come and share a meal with you
3. Fail to plan, and you plan to fail. For me, this is as simple as meal planning and as complex as starting little businesses that generate little incomes that add to the overall picture of me taking care of my family. For the months that I do not plan my meals because I think I am too busy, so I don’t take the time, I spend hundreds more in that month for food. Plan, Plan, Plan. You owe it to yourself.
4. Friends are Friends. Friends like you no matter what. They don’t care if you have no time for them. They don’t care if you cancel at the last minute. They don’t call you a failure and they never fail to be there for you. BFF, this means you. I love you my friend 🙂
5. Knowledge is power: Know what you deserve. Know what you are worth. Know as many skills as you can muster. For the small stuff, say you can then figure it out later.
6. A divorce is a chance to create a new future. You will hit road bumps, especially if you have children and you are the custodial parent. You will get to a point where the kids are old enough to understand and to support your attempts at growth.
7. Keep reading and learning. Whether you want to date a new guy, go to a party and talk about politics, go on a job interview or start a business. You have to keep your brain working.
8. In my daughter’s yearbook, HAGS means Have a great summer. For me, a HAG is, well, what you don’t want to be. Remember yourself. Wash your hair, color your hair, cut your hair, polish your nails or just take a shower. Remember that your marriage failed, you didn’t EVEN IF YOU SHARE SOME FAULT, as we all do. You are not a failure; don’t punish yourself forever.
9. The occasional pity party is OK. Feel free to invite others. Pick a movie, cry your eyes out and move on. Breakfast at Tiffany’s is my go to film.
10. Blame is ugly. Kids see everything. Divorced folks may be divorced, but they are married in parenthood forever. REMEMBER THAT. Little eyes see big examples.
I apologize for the collage type effect of this piece. I hope my thankfulness for your readership and participation is evident.
Keep on reading, and commenting. It means the world to me.