Charles Manson (right) and Afton Elaine Burton
Marriage. It’s a kooky thing. There are many reasons to get married, many reason to not. Some people have good motives, some have bad. And then there is this from the New York Post…
Ain’t love grand? Quite frankly, this doesn’t surprise me in the least. Really, think about it. Think of the life Charles Manson has lead, the sheer bizarreness of it all. Who in their right mind would try to befriend, seduce, entice, or otherwise ingratiate themselves to someone like him other than… someone as equally bizarre and/or manipulative?
But think about it, how real is marriage? I don’t want to get all negative, obviously about 80% of marriages, give or take, are built on actual or perceived love. That’s just an arbitrary number, it could be 50/50 for all I know, but in reality there are marriages that are for reasons other than love. Gay men or women in denial, somebody just wants money, somebody traps someone they love that doesn’t really love them (I call that “Lop-sided Love”), somebody needs citizenship, and of course somebody just wants somebody’s corpse. You know, the usual reasons.
Now I don’t mean to get anybody second guessing about anything but, think about it… do you think your marriage was real? No, no we’re not going to dwell on it, you can doubt yourself to death and it doesn’t do any good when the past is in the past and there it shall stay. However, it’s a lesson for the future. Signs to look for in your next great love.
Me, I think mine was real. At the outset. I think I just married someone who had unresolved issues and in your mid-twenties you don’t realize that yet. Either way, I got three amazing kids out of it, so it doesn’t really matter.
But I have many friends who had been in a heterosexual marriage and are now divorced and come out as gay. See it turns out they were always gay, they were either in denial or wanted to make it “go away” and just be “normal”. Whatever. However, some of them I think really loved their hetero spouse they just weren’t “in love” with them in a romantic, sexual way. That doesn’t really make it bad or mean or manipulative… I guess it depends on how you look at it or accept it. They wanted to love you, just genetically (as I believe) they couldn’t.
Others, I’ve seen some doozies. Anna Nicole Smith comes to mind. Yea, a 20-something marries an 80-something. That right there is a lust and love fueled union! But then again maybe it wasn’t so bad, she got much needed security (being that she was a single mom stripper) and he got some attention from a nice young lady (hopefully). It would be different if she like robbed him blind and put him in a home or locked him in his room. Nope, she just waited patiently ’til he died, like a good girl. Yup.
There are many marriages that are built on convenience or certain arrangements. And that’s fine if all agree. Who am I to say? As long as you are being honest with yourself. But how do you know when you’re really being taken advantage of?
There are some signs… say somebody never wants to go on dates with you or be seen in public and only wants to come over and have sex… that’s a red flag. Say somebody wants you to constantly spend money on them and has no intention of getting a job and is probably getting laid elsewhere… that’s a red flag. Say a guy is obsessed with Madonna and never wants to have sex with you and obsesses about how sexy Channing Tatum is… that’s a red flag. Go with your gut. Like I said, if you are fine with that, knock yourself out. Just make sure you are truly truly happy and your needs (whatever they may be) are being met… and hope they don’t want you just for your corpse.