Sometimes I don’t work well with others. I used to work well with others. Now at the age of 48, I’m more likely to want to kick someone’s ass than play nice.
Ok, perhaps that’s a little harsh… but I just feel like as I get older I have less tolerance for things. Like after having experienced several different jobs in my life, I now know I can never work with the general public ever again. I just don’t do stupid anymore. I have no patience if you don’t listen, are ignorant, or are just plain stupid. Sorry, at least I know my faults.
The other reason I have little tolerance is because after having lived 48 years and after raising kids for 20 years, mostly alone for about 15 of that… I trust my instincts. I’m not saying I have all the answers but I’m pretty sure I know when I know what’s right and someone else is full of crap. Look, my kids are 20, 17, and 15 and not once has one of them even had a detention (knock wood) and they are all A students. I’m not saying they’re perfect, but I know what makes my family run smoothly.
So what do I do when a man enters the picture? Hmmm, do I let him have a say with the kids? Does he tell me what to do with them? Does he have the right to discipline them? What would you do?
My answer on all accounts is no. My kids are my kids. I get very territorial with that. You don’t “F” with my kids. Get it? We are very close, we are a little pack of wolves. Sure, if my guy pulls me off to the side and has a suggestion, I’ll listen. I’m not that obstinate, maybe he’s seen something I haven’t. But I’ve seen some women completely turn over the reigns to their man and that is something I will never EVER do. That to me is when it gets dangerous.
Too many times I’ve seen the woman hand over the reigns to an outsider, the man she’s dating and the next thing you know he has either beaten the kids or sexually abuse them. That’s an extreme end of the spectrum, but it’s what happens if you stop paying attention and let someone pressure you into taking control of your house.
I have been dating a man for a few years now. Before that I hadn’t had a serious relationship in 8 years. He will have a valid observation from time to time and other times he is way off. Respectfully, he’s never had children, some stuff he just doesn’t understand. No, it’s not 1979 and I can’t tell the kids to hitchhike home, I have to go pick them up now. It’s little things like that.
I have a guy friend that I knew when I lived elsewhere that I talk to from time to time. I don’t even know why I do because I fundamentally disagree with almost everthing about him, but I’m nice like that. Well actually I have been ignoring him for quite some time now but every once in a while I respond to a text with a “Hey”. Anyway, he has told me stories of being a complete douche to his girlfriend’s kids and she just accepts it and they have been together for a few years now.
He’s told me stories of telling off her teenage daughter to get over it and clean up all the boxes in her room that were dumped on her after the sale of her Father’s home (the old family home). Now granted even if it has been a while, and she does need to be coaxed into moving on, if it were my kid that would be my job and if my guy tried to muscle his way in, I’d kick his ass to the curb.
Another time he used a gay slur at the dinner table, and the teenage daughter asked him to not use that word because she found it offensive. He told her “You don’t tell me what to say, I’ll say whatever I want, I’m going to say how I feel”. I guess she got upset and he sent her to her room or something. What a dick! If I was the Mom I would have kicked his ass out so fast his head would spin, 1. For being an intolerant jerk, and 2. For disrespecting my kid. But what a dipshit the mother is. Unless she agrees with all his mess… then I think somebody should just call CPS because she’s just a moron.
There is having respect for adults and then there is politely standing up for yourself. I allow my kids to do that. However, if an adult thinks they don’t have to have any respect for kids, they are dead wrong and I don’t want them around my children at all.
What do you do? Would you let an outsider have a hand in raising your kids?