Never Be Too Proud to Ask for Help

Ain’t too proud to beg.

Ok well not beg… but ask.

I had this terrible complex of thinking I had to be Super Woman after I first got divorced.  I was going to do everything on my own.  I was going to keep the children near their Dad, make him happy.  I would live within my means and if I couldn’t, I’d make more means.

So what did I do?  Stayed in a house I couldn’t afford.  Tried to work but created unhappy kids, unhappy bosses, and got myself in more debt paying for childcare.  I didn’t enforce when the ex gave me money so I got behind on my bills. I stayed in a city I had just moved to with him where I knew no one.  I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

Since I had the kids 90% of the time, I should have just done what was best for me.  Gotten a lawyer and made a firm date for payment or had it taken out of his paycheck.  I should have just stayed at home another couple years until they all got in school.  I actually should have moved back to NY where it was cheaper and I had support.   But I was going to tough it out.  That was a douchebag move.

What a complete idiot.  Hindsight is 20/20 yes, but hopefully I can be your eyes on this one.  Don’t do what I did.

Make sure you ask for help and do what is best for you.  If you need to move in with your parents or relative for a while, do it.   If you need financial assistance don’t be afraid or too proud to go to Department of Social Services and apply for assistance with rent, food, heat or healthcare.   That’s what it’s there for, to help people who need to get back on their feet.  I was too busy “Keeping up with the Joneses” (read: other people who weren’t poor) that  I kept trying to feed the fire of turmoil.

I started to learn to ask for help but it was already too late when I did.  The rent was already late or the car had died.  I should have asked for help earlier to get the car fixed before it died.  I should have asked for help with rent before I got the “Three Day or Quit” notice. Actually I should have moved long before all that happened.  I shouldn’t have been living on such a stretched budget.

Take a step back.  Ask for help.  Don’t drive yourself crazy trying to make everybody else happy.