I hate to break it to ya’ ladies, but he really doesn’t owe you anything.
Well, ok wait… back the truck up.
In reference to divorce, he does owe you some things, basically whatever the court decides in accordance with the laws of your state. For example, if you have kids, he’ll owe you support if you have custody. Or he may owe you half or a portion of the marital assets. Blah, blah, blah. You may think he owes you a lot more, and ethically speaking he probably does but in reality he doesn’t owe you.
Let me explain. You’ve heard the old saying, “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink”. People are going to do what they are going to do. In fact you may do that horse a favor and lead it to water and it could just stand there and pee on your shoe. You can’t force someone to do what you want. You can’t make him feel something. You can’t make him do anything he doesn’t want to do.
“He promised to love me forever!” Well sorry, he changed his mind. Oh yea that seems really callous and unfair and essentially it is but truth is, things change. Oh believe me, I dealt with this. My ex-husband promised to love me forever and always be faithful. Both promises broken. I fought hard for years, “That is so unfair! You owe me! You owe me!”. Well, what does he owe you? You can’t make him love you again. You can try suing for some sort of compensation, but good luck with that. You could sue his ass off but what does that do? Perpetuate the drama. Hurt your kids. Complicate your life. Piss him off. A whole litany of things. Is it really worth it? Maybe in some cases of particularly heinous actions of one spouse to another, it could work. But all in all you have to be ready to let go when it’s done.
If you get the reward you are seeking but aren’t satisfied, then it’s your problem, not his.
In the case of dating… it’s all fair game. Be prepared for no man to ever “owe” you anything. Sounds like a bundle of laughs doesn’t it? As long as you have low expectations, it is!
Have you ever started talking to a guy online but after a few conversations and then decided he wasn’t for you and you didn’t want to go out with him? Maybe he brings up his collection of strands of hair from every woman he’s ever dated and you find that’s a deal-breakers before you even go out. Well, he has the same right too.
Maybe you do go out on a date and he was nice and all but you just weren’t “feelin’ it” and you don’t want to go out on a second date. He has the same right too.
Maybe you go out again, you end up sleeping together. Afterwards you meet someone else that you like better, or your ex that you’re still in love with wants to get back together. Do you think you owe him anything just because you slept together? Well neither does he?
Dating is a process. Every step of the way is you finding out more about this person and see if you want to keep going, or go to the next level, or not go at all. It happens. People change their minds. People like things to a certain point and then realize they don’t like it that much, or something they like better comes along. No one “owes” you anything.
Oh I used to fight this tooth and nail. I used to get so mad if a guy didn’t call me back after an initial phone call, or date, or sleeping together. I used to ask why and bitch him out. Lord, I was so embarrassing. But the sooner I accepted no one owes me anything, the better. It’s a waste of time to ask why. It won’t change his mind. It will most likely drive him further away.
Now, my attitude is, “He didn’t call me for a 2nd date? Yea, I’m bummed but what can I do, shit happens. Dating is a process of finding out what you like. I’m not a bad person, I just wasn’t the right fit. Exactly the same way the guy who ate his ear wax in front of me wasn’t a good fit.” Well, wait that doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you, like the ear wax guy. It just means he wasn’t feeling it. You are still an amazingly awesome person. Don’t forget that. But just move on to the next. No one owes you.
It doesn’t really explain the WHY as much as I’d like. I still fells that words and promises should be kept/owed.