My ex is fond of sending e-mails in which he lists my many character flaws and transgressions, then threatens to sue me, or tell me that I owe him $500 for the kids’ medical expenses, or simply remind me that one day “the proof will be in the pudding” — I’ve never figured out exactly what that means — and all the world will see what a terrible mother and wretched human being I am. As any divorced person with a wounded, hostile ex who never gets the fuck over it will tell you, being the recipient of these cyber assaults will send your blood pressure soaring and your gag reflex reflexing.
Anyway, earlier this week I received three OFW notifications from my ex. Immediately I got all wheezy and my heart practically stopped beating and I broke into a clammy sweat. Sometimes, when I cannot get command of my gag reflex, I text my friend Miranda and ask her to read my e-mails for me, then give me the Reader’s Digest version.
Other times, I reach directly for my drugs of choice: red wine…
…and, now that Girl Scout season is upon us, Thin Mints and Samoas. Or anything that the Girl Scouts are peddling.
When my cyber-induced PTSD gets really ugly, I reach for the Klonopin stashed in my lingerie drawer.
A few days ago I posted a Facebook status update about my Thin Mint/Pinor Noir binge. A number of other traumatized divorcees shared the cocktails they consume when their ex’s e-mails arrive in their inbox. So based on my quantitative research study of seven control subjects, I have learned that benzos/liquor/carbs is the preferred combination plate.
Below are my findings:
C from Tennessee takes Xanax and calls her pastor to pray for her.
I from Connecticut polishes off everything in her fridge and takes Valium
L from New York handles her husband’s ex-wife’s e-mails. She states this job “requires pharmaceutical enhancement, deep breaths, and donuts.”
E from New York takes Lorazepam
MG from Maryland ingests 1 Coors Light, 2 shots of Fireball, and half a bag of Dove dark chocolate hearts.
R from California relies on the following: 1 family size bag of Pirate Booty, 1 Trader Joe’s pink bag of kettle corn, Tim’s Cascade salt and vinegar chips, and if all else fails, handfuls of peanut M&Ms.
K from Washington used to down wine, pasta, and anything with frosting on it. She reports that the only thing that makes her feel better is going for a run. Clearly, K is not nearly as mentally ill as the rest of us.
Reader, what do you take to manage the anxiety your ex bestows upon you?
I’m trying to get away from from eating my stress because it shows on my body and makes me feel gross. I have a shot of Jameson neat on the really bad days. Usually though, 2 glasses of Malbec or Pinot Noir do the trick.
They say red wine is good for you. I guess the antioxidants mitigate the stress.
I find just plain Tylenol will let me unclench my jaw and get to sleep. It’s not doing a lot for my liver though.
~ Liv
Maybe try Advil?
Nope. Sensitive stomach. Your readers have given me some suggestions. 😉
I don’t have any precriptions, starting to wonder if I need one. lol. I literally shake and feel like I am going to vomit every time I log onto the email only used to communicate with asswipe. I needed some wine last night but just started exercising again and didn’t want the calories. So i frantically cleaned instead.
It used to be pot. A little went a long way to helping me feel better about the world and my place in it (probably it helped me to stay in that doomed relationship for too long too). Then I had to give it up because this was the card my ex used to win the first battle against me after I left him. Now all I have is coffee, which I definitely do not recommend to soothe anxiety. In the past year and a half, I’ve become a bit manic and have not found an alternative to mellow me out. And unfortunately, giving up my second favorite vice has not made any difference in my productivity or in figuring out ‘what I want to be when I grow up.’ I crawl under the covers and pull them up over my head a lot, and I cannot think of anytime in my life where I’ve ever done that, let alone done it so much.
Its amazing how emails from the ex make us crazy – I get along with my “prince” and 15 years later his emails on how I am such a bad mother still are like a kick in the gut. I should’nt care but can’t help it. I know I am a great mom but WHY do I still care about his opinion of me??????????Makes me so sad. No cash for therapy so this site is great.
I love reading your blog – we maried the same type of person. Hang in there.
I’m so glad you get support from this site! I’ve never been able to afford therapy either.
Giant black tiger prawns. With some horseradish infused cocktail sauce. Yummy and stress reducing!
Wine and Klonopin. I gave up sugar, but if I hadn’t chocolate would be #3.
Fear of addictive genetics steers me from alcohol as a quick fix, and my ADD med curbs my appetite… So I was spinning for awhile until a few things fell in my lap – EFT videos with Brad Yates on YouTube (can’t afford therapy either), Vitanica brand “Adrenal Assist” supplements from Whole Foods, and an iTunes mix of about 8 “give me back my heart and now off with your head” type songs. But cinnamon rolls, coffee with stupid amounts of vanilla creamer, and a bowl of Frosted Flakes can certainly round out the leftover flush of Oh Crap What Now.