I went to Luca’s Back to School Night last night. I had the pleasure of being there without Prince, who tends to monopolize these events, and was unable to go because he had a business meeting.
Or maybe a meeting to select the grout in his new kitchen. Who knows.
Anyway, I felt a little fish-out-of-water arriving at the event because, since the custody battle, Prince has solo-wrangled Luca’s education and God knows what anyone has heard about me, or even if Luca has a mother.
So I pretended to be perfectly comfortable as I slapped on my name tag and plopped my kabobs on the pot luck table and chatted up a couple Board Members, two women who couldn’t have been nicer. Once of them had chaperoned a field trip that day and told me how polite Luca was and how handsome.
I hunted down as many of Luca’s teachers as I could, introduced myself, and asked how he was doing. His English teacher loved him; his Geometry teacher said he would have an A if he would accept the teacher knew more than he did; and the Chemistry teacher said she was not having to stop the class to get him to shut up as often as she did just a few weeks earlier.
Overall, a stellar review, light years from the train wreck Luca had resembled just two years before when he got shipped off to a boarding school designed especially for kids who couldn’t stop arguing.
Now he’s at a regular school. And he’s making As and Bs. And mothers tell me they like him. THIS is a miracle.
After the meet-and-greet, I plastered a smile on my face as I listened to the fundraising schpiel, repeating my silent mantra you-don’t-have-to-help-raise-$150,000-you’re-a-single-mother-with-no-child-support until I actually felt sort of okay with being the Private School Parent With No Money.
Maybe it’s a second divorce. Maybe it’s dating men who have never had kids. Maybe it’s being 50 and being too cranky to care.
Whatever it is, I’ve begun to accept that I don’t lead a conventional life, despite my attempts to the contrary, and maybe I was never designed to have one.
Like someone else I know.
Waaaay outside the box
I just found your blog and I love it! I went through my divorce 9 years ago followed by three years of ongoing custody battle. I eventually came to the conclusion that the conflict was worse for the kids than living with dad. And the same miracle happened that you saw! My relationship with my eldest daughter had been extremely strained, and the other two followed her lead, though with plenty of confusion. Now all of that hostility has disappeared, and our relationship is better than ever. She was 8yo then, and now at 17, she’s smart, thoughtful, beautiful, and accomplished, and I’m so proud. Same with the other two, and we are a very tight family now. I’ve been remarried for 6 years, and have a 5yo, with hubby. All four kids are close with each other, happy and loving. It was so hard back then, but now we’ve found a rhythm and things are good, even great!
Also, was going to comment on the school thing. My ex-husband is a teacher, has several degrees, and thinks pretty highly of himself. I’ve always been extremely involved with the kids’ education and place a lot of importance on it (I’m a mechanical engineer). But ex always dominated the conversations with teachers at conferences and open houses, with such a condescending attitude. I totally feel your fish-out-of-water-ness when attending those things without the ex. But darn it, those are my kids! I have my own set of expectations for them, and I deserve to hear and be heard on my own terms. So it’s worth the awkwardness to develop your own relationships with the teachers, coaches, administrators, and PTO leaders. I used to request separate conferences, but I don’t need to now as ex and I get along pretty well. Plus I don’t really give a **** anymore what he thinks; not in a mean way, it’s more of a “lean-in” assertive kind of way. So it’s much easier to just put my voice out there where it concerns the kids.
Email me if you are interested in my whole story. It’s pretty interesting…