I pissed off two of my readers a few days ago.
It was a different experience from pissing off trolls, who will lambast you for saying the sky is blue. These were intelligent readers who had felt a genuine connection to my story until they read a post I intended to be a light-hearted piffle — in which I “prayed” to Nordstrom for a gift certificate for my kids.
The readers told me they related to me due to their own nasty divorces from difficult husbands. But with the advent of my Nordstrom post, they were no longer going to read my blog, they said.
They thought I was out of touch with the reality of most Americans. They believed that my choosing Nordstrom over thrift shop clothing was imparting materialistic values to my kids. They said that since both my husband and I had jobs we were better off than most people and therefore, it was inappropriate to make a “plea for clothing” for my kids.
I mentioned in my Nordstrom post that I was inspired by Jen from People I Want to Punch in the Throat, whose cyber-jonesing for a minivan led Honda to loan her one. When she heard what Honda was doing, she even asked Toyota and Chrysler to get in on the action.
Although I probably would not use one company’s offer to garner offers from others, this is a perfectly legitimate strategy employed by sellers. And I didn’t have a judgement about Jen using this strategy. In fact, it struck me as amusing and it fit the irreverent tone of her blog. The truth is, car companies would be smart to loan her one of their vehicles: it’s great advertising and PR for them.
Should Bloggers Monetize or Otherwise Get Stuff from Their Blogs?
I say yes, resoundingly. Most bloggers I know, myself included, bust their collective butts blogging, trying to build community with readers, and hoping to give back. If I ever make enough money from this blog, I would love to set up a fund for single mothers. Or, if my readership grows as large as Momastery, I would love to do what Glennon Melton does, use blogging klout to raise money for needy families.
Blogging is a mostly unpaid part-time job for me. I love it, truly, madly, deeply. If I could do it full-time, I would. As it is, I’m up at 5:00 a.m. blogging, and I also blog late at night. I provide a product. Why shouldn’t I run ads? Magazines run ads. Newspapers run ads. TV shows run ads.
What makes it acceptable to be paid for my office job but not acceptable to generate revenue on my blog? Don’t we all need to make a living? Especially those of us who don’t get child support and need to pay for our kids’ braces, and tutoring, and yes — clothing?
My Nordstrom post was intended not to take itself too seriously and to riff off the swag factor inherent in many Mommy Blogs. (For those of you who don’t know, bloggers are often offered swag in exchange for reviewing said swag). If Nordstrom were to give my kids a gift certificate, they wouldn’t be doing it for nothing — they’d be getting great PR for their brand.
I do, however, understand the objections of the two readers who wrote to tell me they would never read me again: with the struggles most American families are facing, who am I to ask Nordstrom to gift my kids some clothes?
First, let me stress that the post was intended to be a light-hearted experiment.
Second, If I offended anyone because I appeared oblivious to the day-to-day struggles of others less fortunate, I sincerely apologize. The last thing I want to do is pull a Romney and say I’m just like everyone else when in fact I have multiple houses and dressage ponies. Note: I have only one house — underwater — and absolutely no ponies, I promise.
I’m Not at Mad at Rich People
I ended up having an interesting e-mail exchange with one of the readers who had taken offense to my Nordstrom post. She said she was primarily interested in my divorce pieces and was disappointed that I had started writing posts that she felt were too materialistic. She thought I seemed “mad” at people who had money.
So I’d like to clarify what I’m mad about. I’m mad at the abuse of power in this country. I’m mad at the corporate, let-’em-eat-cake mentality that is depriving the majority of Americans of a decent quality of life. I’m mad that we are spoon-fed this opiate of the people mythology that hard work will automatically generate wealth. The truth is, wealth generally requires social connections and luck. You can work harder than Donald Trump and never become rich.
I’m mad when people who have privilege don’t use that privilege to better the community. I do believe that wealthy people have a moral imperative to help those less unfortunate. And I don’t understand people who AREN’T mad about social injustice.
Most of my friends have money. Their wealth puts them in a different stratosphere from me. When I hear them talk about estate-planning, month-long vacations, and purchasing property, I’m not mad at them — but I do feel an apartness that makes me sad.
Years ago, when my life looked more like my friends, a bunch of us were sitting around talking about our pregnancies and babies. Mid-conversation, I noticed the expression on one of my friend’s faces: an expression that, if it could have talked, would have said I don’t relate to any of this at all.
My friend had gone into menopause at thirty-two. She had desperately wanted the experience of childbirth and would never have it. On top of this, her long-time boyfriend told her he didn’t want to get married, so she had moved out of his house and was starting life on her own. So there she sat, watching the rest of us babble about the life she thought would be hers as well. She told me later how surreal it was feeling so separate from people to whom she also felt close.
I think that’s a metaphor for what’s going on in this country. The 1% and the 99% inhabit completely different universes. That dynamic is especially profound for me because I am a 99% mother raising 1% kids. Yes, most kids of divorce experience different values in each house, but most kids of divorce don’t straddle wildly different economic realities. I’m never sure how my kids navigate spending one weekend playing tennis at the homogenous country club and the next buying corn from the street vendor in our transitional, racially diverse neighborhood.
And there’s this: how do I teach them the importance of a strong work ethic when they will eventually figure out they never actually have to work? How do I teach them there are consequences for their actions when they are also being taught that “rules are for the little people”? How do I teach them that all people should be treated with respect when they are also being taught how to smush those who get in their way?
And What Does Any of This Have to Do with Nordstrom?
I believe you can be socially conscious and prefer designer clothes. Shopping at Nordstrom isn’t going to turn kids into Kardashians, unless the only people they associate with are other Kardashians. As long as you treat people fairly and contribute meaningfully to society, why shouldn’t you wear Uggs, trick out your kitchen, or buy a second home if you can afford to?
I love to blog. If I never made another dime, I would still do it. I love knowing that there are readers out there who have felt less alone after reading my story. Part of what motivates me to write is to touch people and provide a community.
However, I don’t believe that monetizing my blog diminishes the quality of the content, or whatever social value it has. If Toyota offered me a brand-new Prius, I wouldn’t turn it down. And if Nordstrom sends my kids a gift certificate, I’m not going to send it back and take them to the thrift shop instead.
What about the rest of you bloggers? What’s your position on monetizing, product reviews, and accepting free stuff that comes your way?
I am with you 100 percent (not 99% LOL). I am always looking for ways to monetize my blog, and that’s the only thing that could make it any more rewarding than it is right now. You’re right – we do work hard, put our hearts into what we’re writing, and if we can make a few bucks, great!
Your readers who don’t like what you’re writing have a choice about reading what you have to say. I can’t imagine why they would feel the need to criticize you for trying to find a way to benefit finanicially from all of your hard work. More power to you! And me!
Thanks, Sharon! In fairness, I think they were more upset about my lobbying for a gift certificate from Nordstrom. I have a pretty irreverent sense of humor, and assumed that would come across, but in this case it didn’t!
My feelings on the matter are mixed. I stopped following Jessica Gottlieb on Twitter a few months ago because if I read one more gushing tweet about her new dishwasher I was going to vomit. If there is anyone I trust to monetize and do it well, with sensitivity and ethics–it’s you.
Thanks, Annie — I’ve actually turned down three advertisers because they were cheesy. So I do have some standards!
As someone who would love to make money off her blog, I salute any attempt to do so. In my case, though, integrity has to be paramount when I write about a “gift”; I can’t review swag. I also think people need to get off their high horses about “materialism.” There is nothing wrong with nice things and wanting those things, as long as it doesn’t consume your life. There are people who are obsessive thrift shoppers. Are they LESS materialistic than someone who likes Nordstrom? I, too, am a 99%er raising a 1%er, and I understand all the dilemmas inherent in that situation.
Then again, I recently wrote all about my new house and its revamp on my blog. Maybe I’m a total rich hypocrite? Whatever. You’re NOT a rich hypocrite, and should make money off your hard work and life experience.
I loved what you wrote about your house. And your trashcan. Plus, I took your advice and got the salted caramel ice cream.
I’ll admit, I had mixed feelings about the Nordstrom post. I opted for the “if you don’t have anything nice to say” approach and it wasn’t enough to make me stop reading the blog, but since you asked …
I don’t have any problem with bloggers monetizing their sites. I think people should be paid for good work, and advertisements make perfect sense. However, the tone of the Nordstrom post came across as slightly desperate, rather than irreverent or flippant. When I read it I thought it was unrealistic and slightly out of touch to suggest your children need clothes from Nordstrom rather than a less expensive alternative, and cotillion just strikes me as frivolous (of course, it isn’t one of my family traditions, so maybe I just don’t get it).
This post is a little polarized, too. Either you’re creating a community (which requires a certain amount of support and is deserving of monetization itself) or you’re providing a product. Those two things are not the same. Regardless, there is a big difference between placing advertisements on the site and asking for a handout … I mean, you’ve basically already endorsed Nordstrom, so a gift card would be what? Compensation after the fact?
Anyway, it’s your space and you have the right to use it as you see fit – I’m just pointing out that I understand a reader’s frustration. I think your work is easy to relate to and appealing because of your down to earth attitude, which was absent in the Nordstrom post.
I see nothing wrong with bloggers monetizing their blogs as long as they disclose what they are receiving/getting in exchange for their review. Sure, some bloggers don’t seem to know when to quit flogging said freebie, but we always have mouse in hand and can click away from their site/tweet/whatever.
BTW, you’ve had a helluva time of it. I wish you peace and prosperity in the future.
Hmm…maybe I’m not understanding your comment, but I don’t see how creating a community and providing a produce can’t go hand in hand.
I guess I view blogging as more art than product. I don’t like thinking of the blogs I visit as products – I look at them as creative works. “Product” sounds manufactured and impersonal. What I’m saying is that there’s a difference between saying “I blog because I love it and want to create a community” and “I provide a product so I should be compensated.”
So is it OK to ask for a gift certificate from Target? Or better yet, Walmart? Your over-critical readers need to get a sense of humor – it makes divorce easier.
Wow. Terrific post. I agree with you about the monetary receipt. If you can get it why not? You’re helping lots of people through your writing! I can feel your passion for your blog and I’m the same way about mine. I would do it until the cows came home and I was wearing holey pajamas all the while, so long as I was helping someone ‘out there’. But to get paid for it? Sure!! On the raising kids in different economic households…I can also relate to that. I made it my mantra after my separation to continue instilling the work ethic via household chores. I also was very honest with them about what we could afford. Keep on teaching them all those values regardless of what they’re learning in the other house (they sound terrible–who teaches their kids they’re better than other people?). One other thing, write about what’s in your heart even if it’s a lighthearted piece about Nordstrom’s! Some posts will appeal to some people and others to different folks. Sorry this is so long.
Okay. I get what you’re saying and I appeciate your POV. I still think they can be both. Anne Lamott writes about spirtuality and the craft of writing but her books are still products that we buy.
Thanks, G! Still flummoxed by some of the reactions. Although maybe if the title of your blog is People I Want to Punch in the Throat, readers expect you to be outlandish and irreverent.
Gabi, I think asking for gift certificates from anywhere is tacky, but I didn’t criticize the post at all until Pauline asked for feedback. I can’t speak for anyone else, but my sense of humor is perfectly intact.
Pauline, if you wrote a book I would absolutely buy it! You’re a good writer with a unique and interesting perspective – I certainly don’t mean to be overly critical, just offering my opinion.
Holy Guacamole.
I have no clue where I stand on the monetizing thing. As you know, my blog isn’t monetized. And so far, the only free thing I have agreed to is receiving a copy of a book for me to review. I haven’t gotten the book yet so I haven’t experienced that.
I do have to say though that the whole thing with the swag and the gushing is so annoying to read. it’s occurred to me that if I were offered something free to review in exchange for some mention on my blog, I’d like to include a summary and a suggestions for improvement. Everything can get better right? And if you deliver your suggestions properly I think they’re beneficial to the company and to the readers.
Would I accept a free car? I don’t know. I think that would escalate me to a whole other level of advertising that I’m not sure I would be comfortable with. If I get it a gift, I want it to be because I touched someone in some way. And that’s actually happened with my little blog and those gifts have meant WORLDS more than companies reaching out to me asking to give me this, that, and the other in return for press.
As for your specific Nordstrom post, yeah I knew you were being funny but there was something…. off about your voice in that one. I dunno exactly what it was.
You wrote about those gifts in your post today, right? I was really happy for you, reading that.
Oh my.
When I first heard the term “monetize” a few years back, I thought it was an art thing, and someone would make my blog look like a Monet.
I really can’t monetize any of my three blogs. There would be buying and selling of children on my adoption blog. My Francophile blog is called My French Underpants. I’m sure that would get unsavory. I have quite a few posts there about cheese. I can see the ad now: edible underpants that taste like Brie.
I did monetize my divorce blog after I figured out what it meant. There were lots of ads from divorce lawyers, and I made about 3 dollars. Since Mr. Ex is an attorney that seemed like risky business.
We live in a capitalist society. It’s hard to make a living as a writer. What makes it different from other “artistic” media. We can give it away, or we can try to support ourselves through our passions. Your blog is professional, personal, and very well done. Hey, Nordstrom!–send Pauline a gift certificate!
Oh, I didn’t know your ex is a lawyer. Ugh. So sorry.
You have a gift, Pauline, and we benefit because you share it. So please, monetize any way you see fit. I will ignore the stuff that doesn’t pertain to me (smiling all along, because I enjoy your writing) and partake if it does.
And by the way, here is a subtle hint: WRITE A BOOK. That way, “monetization” simply means pimping your book, which would be brilliant and require very little pimpage.
I think it’s completely fair to monetize as long as your content doesn’t become centered on it. I read the Nordstrom post and laughed, which I think we were meant to. You’re right, writing a blog is work. It isn’t always easy and it takes time. I know, because I forget I even have a blog sometimes, oops. I’ve seen some blogs turn from talking about life and making things to talking about cool stuff someone gave them to review and buying buying buying, which is contrary to the blog’s mission, but peppered in here and there it’s totally fine.
Mikalee, I’ll write a book if you will.
Nice post, Pauline. I never finished setting up my blog because I realize I don’t have the drive and the motivation to blog. Plus, I realize it takes a lot of time, I don’t feel like I have anything interesting to say and I don’t know that I want to put myself out there. I feel that I’m out there enough as it is on Twitter. I think if someone’s going to blog, if they can make money off of it go for it. Why not? As far as the Nordstrom’s post goes, it wasn’t a post that I could relate to or was much interested in, but I’m not going to quit following a blogger because all their posts aren’t relevant to me or have different POV’s. I mostly follow you for the divorce/relationship posts which I really enjoy. TTFN.
Thank you, Karen!
I think I need to do a better job of being honest about what we can afford. My paremts
went overboard sharing their financial anxiety with me so I think sometimes I’ve gone too far the other way amd I need to bring them into reality without dumping my anxiety on them.
Hi, it’s Jen from People I Want to Punch in the Throat. I thought your Nordstrom’s piece was hilarious and irreverent – just like I like ‘em. Monetizing is such a dirty word in the blogging world and I’m not sure why. Everyone else gets paid to their job, why shouldn’t bloggers? I put hours upon hours every day into my blog. Hours that I enjoy using to write, but hours nonetheless. If I was an artist who painted a picture for those hours, I would expect to be paid, why shouldn’t a blogger? I think as long as it’s clear that you’ve been compensated to write a post about a product there should be no problem. I will always try to figure out new and different ways to get sponsors/advertisers/what have you to pay me to blog, but I will always disclose and I will always pick products that I already trust and believe in. You will never see me hawking dish soap and deodorant, if I’m going to endorse something, it’s going to be big. I also agree with the others who mentioned it: write a book. Books are the only way. I’m working on mine now, but it’s hard to find the time to write it when I spend so much time blogging….sigh.
JEN!! I’m so tickled that you weighed in! I feel like a young Britney Spears meeting Madonna for the first time! Not really. But you know what I mean. I agree — monetizing should not be a dirty word. And yes, the book: when does it get written, exactly? Can’t wait to read yours!
You know what really pissed me off, Pauline? I get really mad when people who are struggling say that well off people are out of touch with reality. I was born into a very poor family, I fought hard, I studied hard, I went through so much in my life, but my dedication paid off. I do make a lot of money, I am definitely not 1% by any standard, but I am quite comfortable in my life. So oftentimes when I buy, let’s say an expensive purse, as a little spoil for my hard work – people around me say ” you are so out of touch with reality”.
Well, in MY reality I can afford all of those things – fancy vacations, a Lexus and a beautiful house. I am not out of touch with reality, I fought hard so that my life is comfortable and happy. I will not make my kids shop at a thrift store, heck, this is my I work hard – so that they can I enjoy their lives. There are different ways to teach kids humility and avoid instilling materialistic values. They have chores and allowances, but what’s more important is the fact that they know that some of their friends struggle, and they appreciate the fact that they don’t have to. My kids always say that they feel so bad for other children and give their clothes and toys to those who are less fortunate. And yes I shop at Nordstrom and guess what, they have such amazing sales, you can get quality stuff at wall mart prices. The 21st century shoppers need to be smart not thrifty.
P.S. When I read your “Nordstrom wish list” post I thought it was funny! I laughed at it and said to myself: “she surely does deserve a little freebie.” I didn’t get offended or said that lady is out of her mind. I know most bloggers don’t make anything off their work. I love your blog and will continue reading it!
Really interesting getting your take on this, Melissa. I think the privilege/no privilege conversation can get very polarized and perspectives like yours don’t get acknowledged. I have to admit I was surprised that Nordstrom struck such a negative chord for people. While it’s more expensive than Target, it’s not like buying Armani. Anyway, congratulations on all your success; it sounds like you have a very balanced outlook. Glad you’ll be reading!
Sorry I didn’t have the time to comment on your Nordstrom piece – I thought it was hilarious! (This coming from a 99% mom whose fashion-conscious son recently talked into a splurge on two genuine Polo’s** – are you listening, Macy’s??? but I drew the line & insisted on Docker khakis!)
I’m w/Gabi – let’s mooch for Target gift cards
!!!
**We started our shopping expedition at Macy’s; initially I said, “No, let’s do some more shopping!” Two and half hours later, BACK at Macy’s – oh, they’re 25% off?!? OK, fine!
I think there is a difference between getting paid to do what you already do and getting paid to do something directed by a company or “sponsor”. I have no problem with bloggers putting ads on their sidebars, because in that case I believe they are getting paid to do what they do. I presume, perhaps naively, that they are still writing what they would otherwise write and are providing their authentic and genuine point of view. What I do have a problem with (not in a “moral” sense, but simply in regards to my enjoyment of that blog) is bloggers who get paid to promote a certain product or service. To me, that is different than getting paid to do what you do; it is getting paid to do something at the direction of the company providing the product or service. In the latter case I have no confidence that the content of the post is authentic or genuine and so it loses my interest. You referenced getting paid to write a book, which to me falls within the first category. If it was written by someone whose viewpoint I valued and writing I enjoyed, I would have no problem buying it. If the book was filled with advertisements, or sponsored by Nordstrom, or Honda (just to use the pertinent examples), I would not be interested in reading it, even if it were free. I don’t know that your plea to Nordstroms crosses the line into the latter category, but it may fall somewhere close to the middle.
With that being said, you have the right to do whatever you want on your blog, just as readers have the right to refrain from reading. I come here for the interesting subject matter and quality of your writing and would gladly put up with sidebar ads if that was the price of admission, but I am not at all interested on reading reviews of sponsor-provided cars, or clothes, or liquor, etc. and would likely turn elsewhere if sponsored posts became the norm.
With respect to the less fortunate/more fortunate angle, we can all play that game. Who is more deserving/needy/entitled? Who knows? I would have an issue if you were asking for a benefit that would otherwise go to someone truly in need, but it’s not like Nordstrom would otherwise randomly be giving a gift card to a single unemployed mother of 10.
Aw, I read that post and I thought it was funny! Dont see any problems with bloggers getting free stuff. With 2 kids and underwater house I appreciated your post about needing a gift certificate for kids clothing.