I read an article the other day at Esquire called
“And Now: Some Brutally Frank Relationship Advice From a 98 Year-Old Woman.”
It was awesome.
From Esquire: The following is taken from writer (The Every Boy) and Oscar-nominated filmmaker (Murderball) Dana Adam Shapiro’s You Can Be Right (Or You Can Be Married), a by-turns funny, wise, harrowing, and heartbreaking collection of interviews with divorcees. Now out in paperback.Interviewee: Pauline, 98, retired mother of two. Divorced. Lives in Florida; grew up in New York. Married in 1923, 1941, and 1959.
This little lady was a hoot.
I also think she is right on target
but there was quite an uproar in the comment section.
Because she was married 3 times and had a lover
many readers discounted her as a skank and a ho.
(Their words, not mine.)
“Wow, what’s the point of this? A 98-year-old slut is still a slut.”
” So you found a really really old skank.”
Why thank you, Paul and Sean, for your insight.
Life is messy, dudes.
Sometimes things happen that you don’t anticipate.
Women have sex.
Women talk about sex.
Does that make me a skanky ho, Paul and Sean?
Get with the program, Assclowns.
I think she is brilliant and wish I had gotten this advice at 25
it would have saved me some heartache.
Some quick points she made:
- First of all, you have to be sexually compatible. That’s very important. If anyone tells you different, they’re nuts.
I didn’t like the way Stanley kissed.
Everytime he even kissed me I was kind of annoyed.
Not good in a marriage.
I know, I know, what was I thinking?
- You’ve got to have a lot of passion and you’ve got to have a lot of feeling. Without feeling, there’s nothing, it’s just an act—and that’s no good. You have to have that urge. And you both have to have it. You don’t say, “We’re going to have sex on Monday.” No. He might come in from a golf match, all filthy dirty, and then all of a sudden you’re in bed and you’re having a hell of a time!
- Love dies because one of you drifts away. You have to have a lot in common to stay married. If he wants to go dancing and you don’t want to go, well, that’s okay occasionally, but don’t do it every night because you can be sure that he’ll find someone else to dance with. Even drinking. Some men like to go to a bar and have a few drinks. So they meet people at the bar. And before you know it, they’re involved a little bit. That’s the way it is. You need to do things together.True dat.
Stanley and I had nothing in common.
As you know, I make fun of his hobby and he has
no idea of mine.
- Compromise is important. Very. You have to give all of yourself to make the other person happy. But you have to make it so that you each want to give that much. Otherwise it’s no good. A woman, if her husband’s a golfer, she should learn to play golf. Otherwise, he’s on the golf course all the time.And if a woman likes to play bridge…He should learn how to play, too. You’re damn right. That’s part of living together—teaching each other things.
Stanley and I didn’t have anything to talk about.
And I was lonely, lonely.
And I think he was lonely.
I hope he is less lonely now.
I appreciated her honesty about her relationships.
Other readers certainly had their issues with her multiple marriages.
I think that people have this fantasy that if you have a long term marriage
you have a happy life and are successful.
After working in mental health for 20 years, I am no
longer impressed simply by long term marriages.
Many are a miserable endurance test.
Imagine, just waiting for someone to die
to be free of their sorry ass.
No. Just no.
I’m impressed with honesty and people that strive to live authentically.
So that’s what I ‘m going to try to do.
Guess I’m a skanky ho.
Lisa Thomson says
Great post! She sounds very cool and was ahead of her time. I have to say about the golf thing; I was a golf widow and it didn’t matter that I took up the sport. He would rather play with his buddies. That is the one hobby that might not work on the theory of taking up their interest. #1 however, definitely a MUST.