On Christmas Day, Stanley broached the topc of selling the house. That was the day he was drunk and told me that his girlfriend didn’t like our birdnesting arrangement and that she didn’t have kids because she “doesn’t have a uterus.”
That was it, I got no further information, he fell over into his plate.
Since that time, he hasn’t brought it up, so I certainly haven’t. I have expected it, waited for it, nada. Until Thursday, when I got an email asking me to meet with him to discuss a plan to put the house on the market. He said that this isn’t going to work for him indefinitely.
Well the children won’t be children indefinitely, but okay.
I get it, his girlfriend doesn’t like the birdnesting. She wants him with her all the time, (ewww why?) and I guess the children too when he has them. I don’t really get it and it is highly possible that Stanley hasn’t considered that aspect of custody without birdnesting. He lives with her in a 1 bedroom apartment with a mean cat and they each smoke a pack a day. Is his intention to have the kids there with them? She has made no effort to spend time with the kids. They have been dating almost 2 years and living together almost a year and they rarely see her. They know Al much, much better and she lives in town. Seriously, I would expect that even when he is here with the kids that she would come for dinner or to hang out on the weekends. NOPE. I don’t get it. Seriously, she takes no interest in the kids at all.
I know I don’t get a say in his life, but I don’t love the fact that he’s planning to have the kids live with someone they hardly know half the time.
I know that he isn’t committed to this forever (but again, kids aren’t kids forever) and I myself am having some growing pains with birdnesting too. I have absolutely no privacy anymore when I’m off and stay at my folk’s house. Prior to the last few months, they spent hardly any time there. They have another house on a lake and they practically lived there. Now my dad has a project in town and they are constantly here. My mom wants to hang out with me, comes in and wakes me up in the mornings, asked me to stay and watch American Idol with them the other night (Noooooooo) and are generally harshing my groove. I’m 50 years old and have regressed to my childhood self. If this goes on much longer I am going to have to spring for a flop house somewhere so I can get my dignity back.
My new place
Anyway, I told him I would meet him for coffee. I hate the idea of selling the house. #1. We have to stay in this school district or get ready to shell out $20K per kid, per year, so… The houses and apartments are expensive in this school district and I don’t think we can live much better/cheaper than we are. #2. The house needs work and he hasn’t lifted a finger here in years. Al has done more here than Stanley ever has. I myself have been glazing the windows outside. He has no interest in anything here and there is a lot that needs attention before it can go on the market. #3. He has about 2 tons (and probably 40K) of beer equipment here. Where the hell is that going to go if we sell? #4. The market is still not good here. We would be lucky to get what we paid for it 3 years ago. That means no equity. #5. The kids are in 3 separate schools next year and 2 of them start at the same time. I am hoping to get carpools set up, but I have no idea how he thinks he can manage that from an apartment 30 min. away.
I don’t think he is thinking really, as usual.
In addition, currently he has 50% custody. That will change if we aren’t birdnesting. I don’t think he can do it and get the kids to school on time, all that homework, etc. Half the time he doesn’t give JB her ADHD meds and sleeps through carpool as it is. He had mentioned before that we could do a week at a time. I don’t think he would last a week without me picking up his slack and over functioning for him. Is she, who has shown so little interest in my kids, going to want them to live with her 50% of the time?
Sorry, I’m using this forum to process my shit.
So, my plan is to meet with him, lay all of this on the table and ask him how he plans to problem solve all of this. Because solving problems is not his forte. If I can get him to commit to one more year it would really help. The Boy is almost 15 and in a year will be almost driving. Then he can help with carpool, etc. YIKES, I KNOW, SCARY.
Bah!! Leave me alone, Stanley.
Susan Bromma says
Sigh. I hope you can help him see sense. Our family home is currently on the market here in SoCal and I can tell you it sucks. Our market is recovering, but buyers are living in a fantasy land where they get pristine palaces at foreclosure prices. If you get Stanley to agree to wait a year, seriously consider getting the necessary work done on the house sooner, not later. And get the beer crap out of the garage before it goes on the market!
Cuckoo Mamma says
Al’s is on too, in the Northeast. Aargh, they are having the same problems.
Liv BySurprise says
can you even be the Cuckoo mama without the nest?
oh…yes…if anyone can do it, you can. Keeping my fingers crossed for you.